surrender

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008

I came up to Barn to write but have done everything but write. Between yesterday afternoon and today I have cleaned the oven, emptied, cleaned and refilled the hot tub. I have also watched the latest episode of Blue Bloods so I am all “caught up”. I watched Blacklist I don’t even like that show. I finished reading a book. Checked my email and Facebook. I investigated the writers guidelines for Todays Christian Woman magazine. Oh, did I mention I tried to set up the new DVD player and I even finished the online defensive driving course to lower my auto insurance rate. But the pièce de résistance this morning instead of writing I decided to rake the dead leaves to “tidy” up the yard. The fact I even came up with that idea was to do anything but to sit down and write. Well, raking lasted 5 minutes. The gentle breeze that was blowing while I cleaned the hot tub became a wind as I started raking. The leaves kept blowing back at me. I can take a hint so I laughed said “okay, Lord” and was grateful the wind wasn’t a whale.

As I sit looking out the window towards the hot tub, every now and then there is a flash of white material like a surrender flag. I left a roll of paper towel outside and the wind must catch it in just the right way for a piece to wave in my direction. Surrender an interesting thought. What do I need to surrender – fear, pride, control.

The breeze has definitely turned into a constant wind, the dark clouds are rolling in, the trees are really swaying, there is a storm coming. I am reminded:

“You know well enough how the wind blows this way and that. You hear it rustling through the trees, but you have no idea where it comes from or where it’s headed next. That’s the way it is with everyone ‘born from above’ by the wind of God, the Spirit of God.”

Well, now I should write since this is blogging but maybe I should eat lunch first or maybe not. 🙂

doesn’t it make you sad?

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001 The other day a friend asked me a question that I have been asked before, “doesn’t doing tours and speaking to school groups make you relive September 11? Doesn’t being at the WTC make you sad?” I responded “No, it makes me feel blessed. I don’t associate the WTC site with Bruce. It is harder to be at his firehouse because that is where I think of him as being. I am tired after a tour but feel that I have accomplished something but mostly I am hungry.” 🙂 It is strange but I don’t picture Bruce being at the WTC site. I know he was there but I don’t try to imagine him there on the fateful day. I do sometimes think that he may have walked down Liberty Street on his way into the South Tower that thought gives me comfort as I walk that same street telling his story.

In further conversation with my friend I shared what does make me sad or allows memories to seep or rush in is the things I hear on the radio or news. The crash of the Malaysian airliner, the anniversary of the Boston Marathon Bombing, a mudslide in Washington, the death of 2 firefighters in Boston or a police officer in New York give me pause and cause me to pray for the families because on some level the events are a “repeat” of what I have experienced. An event that captures the attention of the nation or even world, a loved one lost but no body, an act of terrorism, a line of duty death, I can identify and so I pray. I pray that their families will have peace and know that there is hope. I pray that people will gather around them as people gathered around me and my girls. I pray that in the not so distant future they will have strength to put one foot in front of other and smile. My heart is sad that another family will know the saddest that I know, that they will have to navigate a journey they never expected to be on. 😦

On another note: when I was in the stall in Ladies Room at the Tribute Center on Monday, the lights suddenly went out and I thought this is not happening, give me a break. Then a voice said “sorry” and lights went back on. Someone had leaned against the light switch. I laughed because I was in fight or flight mode within a split second. No PTSD here. 🙂

Heard recently during Bible Quizzing

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On Wednesday evenings, I am the “quiz master” for Children’s Bible Quizzing at the local church I attend. Since September we have been studying the book of Genesis. We have completed our 20 lessons aka “dig sites” and are now reviewing for the District Quiz on April 26.

As part of our review, I asked the children to quote one of the 20 Bible verses. I asked for volunteers and nearly every hand started waving to and fro. “Put your hands down, we will just go around the table.” As we went around the table each of the children attempted to say a verse. Many knew the “address”. Some needed a little help but all tried. When I reached the last child, he announced “I got nothing”. To which I said “Where would I find that.” 🙂

Last week as part of the review we made a family tree. We started with Joseph. We listed his 11 brothers and talked about his dad was Jacob and his mom was Rachel. Joseph had 1 full brother and 10 half brothers – they had the same dad but a different mom, Leah. We discussed about how Jacob had tricked Esau into his birthright. We discussed how then later Jacob was tricked by Laban and ended up with Leah and finally Rachel. We even figured out how many minutes Jacob worked to get Rachel. Great discussion and comments and then “So any questions?” A 10 year old hand goes up “I don’t understand if Jacob didn’t like Leah, why did he have so many children with her?” I almost laughed, thought of an appropriate answer and said “families needed a lot of children to tend the sheep.” And to think I left out the part that some of those 12 children Jacob fathered were conceived with his wives handmaidens. Wow, those Old Testament stories can be tricky to teach.