Miss Ann Says

thoughts from everyday life
Miss Ann Says
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  • Tag: Japan

    • Familiar but foreign

      Posted at 8:50 pm by missannsays, on August 29, 2016

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      It was my third trip to Japan in four years. Japan is a place that feels familiar but foreign to me. This trip was similar but different. I visited some of the same destinations as I had in 2013 and 2014 but also some new ones. To me the main thing that had changed since 2014 was the sense of a new normal. There wasn’t as much uncertainty as to what the future holds. Rebuilding is underway, memorials have been established, possibilities of moving back are on the calendar, sharing of stories has begun. This trip was far more about being ears to listen than being a storyteller. It was far more about I am only a half step further down the road from my disaster after fifteen years than you are after your disaster five years ago. This trip was about resilience.

      In future blog posts I will explain more of what I experienced and learned on yet another life changing trip to Japan.  Below is the information I received before the trip from our organizers. 

      5th International Outreach Program for School Children and Community Survivors of

      3/11 Great East Japan Disasters

      Back Ground: Now more than five years after the 3.11 Great East Japan Earthquake, still 170,000 evacuees from disaster stricken areas with 99,000 evacuees from radiation contamination continue to suffer the consequences (3/4/2016 report by Reconstruction Agency). In particular, children’s emotional well being is concerning as they continue to be displaced away from their communities and show signs of emotional stress.

      Goals: We wish to empower school communities with self-motivation toward recovery by showing concrete examples of resilience and people overcoming disasters.

      Sadako’s Soaring Crane: Together with American Airlines, we brought an origami crane monument fabricated out of steel recovered from 9/11 on our 1st mission in 2012. This symbol for recovery from the international community dedicated for children’s comfort was inspired by Sadako Sasaki, who died at age 12 from radiation exposure after the bombing of Hiroshima. Sadako’s origami cranes was previously donated to the 9/11 Tribute Center and we made a symbolic return of Sadako’s wish for peace and comfort for children. KyodoNews

      Children’s Storybook: We have published a children’s storybook of late 12-year-old girl’s story about strength and courage to move forward and how Sadako’s Soaring Crane monument came to Fukushima. This storybook is touted as a “book of life” and “Hiroshima–NY–Fukushima connected with hope.” We have donated more than 10,000 copies of storybooks to school children in Fukushima. The story will continue to touch the kids around the world.

      Impact of Survivor Exchange Program: We continue to gauge the impact of post-3/11 outreach efforts on both the 3/11 “recipient” community and the 9/11 “donor” community. The success of this outreach program may be partially attributable to the fact that it meets the basic objectives of psychological first aid to “establish human connection in a non intrusive, compassionate manner”; “support positive coping and empower survivors to take an active role in recovery”; and “facilitate continuity and ensure other sources of support when leaving.”

      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged 9/11 Tribute Center, Japan, little things, September 11, telling the next generation
    • March Moments

      Posted at 3:42 pm by missannsays, on March 26, 2016

      When I owned my studio March was a slow month. The majority of the prep work for the recital was done before March – music chosen, students measured, costumes ordered, monies collected and choreography started. March was the month I got to concentrate on just one thing, teaching dance. I have been retired almost five years now and you would think my “March” would be even slower than it had been when I worked but alas this March has been a whirlwind.

      March 1- 5 – I was in Brussels where I spoke at the EPP hearing at the European Parliament on victims of terrorism. https://missannsays.com/2016/02/12/remedial-class/   I also ventured out to explore with a bus trip to Ghent and Bruges. Speaking at the EP was a first and this was also the first time I traveled alone in a country other than England. I did enroll in the US State Department STEP program https://step.state.gov/step/ which means the American Embassy in Belgium knew I was “in country” and where to find me. In today’s world I would suggest enrolling. I also dressed as a professional woman not a person on vacation. Even though I was in Brussels I used my New York City walk – woman on a mission not wandering. Don’t mess with me.

      March 7 – I lead two tours at the 9/11 Tribute Center.

      March 8 – I was a panel member at Asia Society 3-11 and 9-11 survivor stories. It was a wonderful reunion with those I had traveled to Japan with in 2013 and 2014. The panel discussion was followed by a delicious dinner attended not only by myself and my Tribute Center family but by Japan’s ambassador to the United Nations. http://asiasociety.org/new-york/events/3-11-and-9-11-survivor-stories.

      March 9 – taught two classes, had my taxes done and led Children’s Bible quizzing at church.

      March 10 – 14 – flew to FL to visit good friends. I enjoyed relaxing days, yummy food, great conversation and many laughs. We realized in our time together we have known each other over 40 years which makes me feel old and extremely blessed.

      March 16 – taught one class, had my hair done and led Children’s Bible quizzing at church.

      March 17 – 22 – Mount Hermon Christian Writers Conference in CA. I met some talented writers, gracious agents and encouraging editors. The key-note speaker was Carol Kent. If you ever have the opportunity to hear her speak you will be challenged and encouraged by her words. Once I am home I have much writing to accomplish. Exciting. Scary. Taunting. Good stuff.

      Terrorist attacks in Brussels bring tears to my eyes, sorrow to my heart and prayers to my lips.

      March 22 – 27 – visiting with my daughter and son-in-law in Seattle. Emily and I have done some touristy things. I would highly recommend the Boeing factory tour and the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation visitor center. The cherry blossoms at University of Washington were in bloom and we had a delightful walk around Emily’s alma mater.  Also saw My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 which was a fun movie. As we walked to the car after the movie, Emily said she really wanted baklava so a trip to the grocery store was in order. 🙂

      The old adage is “March comes in like a lamb and goes out like a lion.” March 2016 for me has been an adventure that will take some time to process. I am truly a blessed.

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      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged 9/11 Tribute Center, Brussels, Department of State, friendship, Japan, little things, prayer, Seattle, telling the next generation, travel, writing
    • Japan 2014 – part 4

      Posted at 8:27 pm by missannsays, on September 3, 2014

      Three random stories from Japan – one is blooper reel worthy (if it had been filmed), one is amusing (at least chuckle worthy) and one is thought-provoking. 🙂

      1. On the seventh morning in Japan, my eyes lit up as I saw applesauce on the breakfast buffet. Breakfast buffets in Japan usually have a “western” section and a “traditional” section. This particular buffet was not divided that way. I wasn’t in the mood for eggs so I took some fruit, made two pieces of toast and took a separate bowl of applesauce. The dining room was crowded. We found a few seats here and there and sat down to eat. I put my tray on the table and went to get some coffee and butter and by the time I came back the table was “just our group”. I was really looking forward to the applesauce. I don’t know why but I was. I scooped up a small spoonful and the moment the applesauce touched my tongue I knew this isn’t applesauce. I knew I couldn’t  swallow it. Okay proper etiquette is however it goes in your mouth is how it should come out of your mouth. So as politely as possible I spit it back unto the spoon and slowly placed the spoon back in the bowl. I glanced around the table to see if anyone noticed. Thankfully, no. I took a quick drink of coffee and a deep breath to stop myself from bursting into laughter. I looked at one of my fellow travelers and said “it wasn’t applesauce” and proceeded to share the story. 🙂

      2. At one moment towards the end of our journey we all had to “pile” into one elevator. Luckily we didn’t have out luggage with us. We were definitely standing too close together. There wasn’t room to breath.I said “if this elevator gets stuck, I am going to need Dr Katz!” To which Dr Katz said “if this elevator gets stuck, Dr Katz is going to need Dr Katz!” Dr Katz is a psychiatrist.

      3. We had the opportunity to visit a high school. School wasn’t is session but some students came to share their 3/11 stories. They presented their stories in English and two of Tribute Center docents myself included shared our stories. When I finished sharing my prepared presentation, I said “I wanted to tell them something I had always said to my daughters September 11 does not define you.” I told them that “March 11 doesn’t define you. It will shape you but it doesn’t define you. You have done a great job today telling us your stories. Keep up the good work. I am proud of you.” Later on the bus one of the Mount Sinai medical students asked if he could ask me a question. “sure” “You told your daughters not to let 9/11 define you but everything you do is about 9/11. Wouldn’t it be easier to just not deal with it. To just move on.” I made a few comments and said “I have to think about what you said and will get back to you.”  I have actually thought about that idea before by doing tours and speaking about September 11, I am allowing it to define me.The next morning at breakfast I said “I have to tell you this right now. It will seem totally random but I am tired and if I don’t say it now I will forget. Remember yesterday and our conversation about all the things I do being allowing September 11 to define me, that is wrong. All I do defines September 11.”

       

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      Posted in daily life, September 11, Uncategorized | 1 Comment | Tagged Japan, little things, randomness, September 11, telling the next generation, travel
    • Japan 2014 – part 3

      Posted at 9:27 pm by missannsays, on September 1, 2014

      After my trip to Japan last year I had said to people “even if you learned the language you would still need a guide to help you navigate the customs.”  And that held true on this trip as well, we had wonderful translators that not only translated words but explained proper etiquette and customs. Taking your shoes off and putting the slippers on, placing money on the little tray not on the counter or into the person’s hand, bowing and the handling of business cards were all things we needed to be aware of.

      There is a certain rhythm/pattern of speech you need to use when being translated. I found it fascinating that some times the translation would be 2 words to my 10 and other times one little thought seemed to be translated into a novel. I had absolute trust in our 3 official translators. I think because they had traveled with the group on the last trips they understood who we were and what we were trying to do – they got it.

      Nearly all of our lunch and dinner meals had assigned seating including someone who could translate which ensured that you could have conversation with everyone at your table. At some events there were name tags on the table and other times in was just a matter of rearranging until we got an arrangement that would work. There was one time in particular that I had to pause when something was said because I wasn’t sure if the person realized the implications of what they said. While having dinner with a delightful young Japanese medical student and his wife, I asked whether his wife was also a student or did she work? This was a very young cute couple and he spoke English very well. She didn’t speak any English. They had been married in March. His response to my question was “she is my housewife.” Having grown up in the USA, owned my own business, having hyphenated my maiden name with my husband’s name when I got married, I really had to just smile. I wasn’t sure if it was a term of endearment or what?

      There was one more experience that made me think “Toto, we aren’t in Kansas any more.” When we had our formal meeting with a rather high-ranking government official, a young woman came to escort us to his office. She handed each of us a seating chart (below). My name is listed as Ms. Hine. I do not think Clark-Van Hine is a common name in Japan. I hadn’t been to a meeting where you get a printed seating chart before. This was the big leagues. As we were walking to the office I realized our young escort  was wearing  shorts and high heels. Her look was polished but I thought maybe it is dress down Friday because I can’t believe you can work in a government office and dress like that.  Her manner was professional and polite but her outfit was confusing me. I made note of how everyone else was dressed as we walked down the halls. All the men were in suits and ties. I didn’t see any other women. I thought maybe I am over thinking this but a conversation later in the day with the Mount Sinai female medical student in our group made me think maybe I wasn’t. We have come “a long way baby” but that is not true for our sisters around the world.

       

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      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged Japan, little things, randomness, respect, travel
    • Japan 2014 – part 2

      Posted at 6:10 pm by missannsays, on August 31, 2014

      My recent trip to Japan included a four page itinerary. There were 17 people in our group -six Tribute Center docents, three Rotarians, two Mount Sinai doctors, three Mount Sinai medical students, and 3 translators. Our fearless and super organized leader did a tremendous job of keeping us on time and on task. The four page itinerary included logistics meaning what we were doing each day, mode of transportation and what kind of attire was appropriate – casual, business casual, business or formal. Formal didn’t mean evening wear. It really meant suits for the men and our firefighter docent needed to wear his uniform.

      Our last two days of our twelve day trip were unscheduled.  In ten days, we attended 6 Rotary Club functions, visited 2 Mental Health Clinics, 1 School for the Deaf, 1 High school, a Memorial Rose Garden, the Sakado Crane Memorial, 1 Temporary Housing site, 2 Shrines, and 2 Temples. We had formal meet and greets with the Mayor of Koriyama, the Minister of Reconstruction, and the Vice Minister of Foreign Affairs.  We listened to 3-11 stories and told our 9-11 stories. We exchanged gifts and were treated royally. We had “tea” in some amazing places and we ate a lot of raw fish and rice. We traveled as far east as Kesennuma, Miyagi and as far west as Nara. The best I can estimate we traveled over 1000 miles.  Our modes of transportation were the bullet train, the regular train, cabs, subway and a chartered bus. Oh and we “dragged” our luggage wherever we went.

      We had private guided tours of:

      1. Chusonji Temple, first national Treasure of Japan   http://www.chusonji.or.jp/en/precincts/konjikido.html
      2. Kaiseizan Shrine
      3. Kasuga Shrine   http://en.japantravel.com/view/the-stone-lanterns-of-kasuga-shrine
      4. Todaiji Temple http://www.taleofgenji.org/todaiji.html

      I stood at the foot of the giant Buddha in Todaji Temple. I had tea in the room only special guests  and  the emperor visit at Kasuga Shrine. I learned that a shrine is Shinto and a temple is Buddhist. I loved seeing Japan and learning new things but my favorite thing was interacting with the people. If you asked me my favorite experiences:

      1. Doing “ballet arms” with a teenager who wants to be a ballerina when she is older.
      2. Having a woman tell me she had traveled two hours to come to the mental health clinic seminar because she meet me last year and wanted to see me again.
      3. Traveling with the most compassionate, selfless group of people who made me laugh, cry and always had my back.
      4.  An amazing dinner conversation with a Shinto priest, classical pianist, Japanese business man and Jewish doctor that started with me asking “I learned today that every 20 years the shrine is taken down and rebuilt. Can you explain that to me?” and lead to me explaining what grace is?

      You can’t make this stuff up.  I am so blessed.




       

       

      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged following Jesus, Japan, respect, travel
    • Japan 2014 – part 1

      Posted at 7:36 pm by missannsays, on August 30, 2014

      When I told my daughter I had been invited to go to Japan again with the Tribute Center, she said “wow, mom! You get your once in a lifetime trip twice.” I was very surprised and pleased to be part of the “3rd International Outreach Program for School Children and Community Survivors of 3/11 Great East Japan Disasters.” It was wonderful to be back in Japan. I felt I was better prepared this time to understand that “none of this is about me.”

      The schedule of the trip was similar to last year. To be honest, the schedule is grueling. You are up early, sleeping in a different hotel just about every night, traveling for hours between appointments, you are meeting and interacting with many people and most of the time you are being translated. Even after all of that, I can say it was absolutely the most amazing experience. The country of Japan is beautiful and clean. The Japanese people are gracious, giving and kind. This year’s trip was 12 days instead of 8 so we had time to do some tourist type things which was an added bonus.

      Our journey started with a very long flight but thanks to American Airlines we flew business class to Japan. I have been spoilt – lots of leg room, a seat that can go flat, Boise headset, movies, delicious food, hot towels, blanket, pillow. storage space and no one was seating next to me. I don’t think I can ever go back to economy class. 🙂 Fast forward to the flight home that was economy class but I can’t really complain. American Airlines donates the miles for our trip. Thank you, American Airlines.

      Our first official function was to attend the International Academic Conference with the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) and Fukushima Medical University (FMU). The Mount Sinai members of our group (2 doctors and 3 medical students) were presenting at this conference. On Saturday, Dr. Craig Katz was presenting about “Displacement Post 3/11:The Anxiety of Feeling Placed”. On Sunday, the Mount Sinai & FMU medical students presented a paper on “Post-Traumatic Stress and Growth in Medical Students after Natural Disasters”. It was very interesting and informative.

      On Saturday as we arrived at Fukushima Medical University, one of my fellow docents commented to me whether I thought there would be translation equipment available. I said “I think I am going to need more that Japanese to English translation. I am going to need what are you talking about translation.” Many of the presentations were in English and if not there was translation to English. There were presenters from all over the world and I felt like a little kid, who had been invited to the big kid table.

      The part that was a little bizarre to me was hasn’t nuclear energy been around for a long time and now “they” are discussing what to do when things go wrong. It is a good thing they are discussing it and formulating a plan but I thought what other things do we use and there is no plan for when it goes wrong.

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      Mount Sinai travelers are missing from this photo. They were getting ready to present. More about my Japan trip to follow in next blog or two.

      Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments | Tagged Japan, random thoughts, travel
    • Hope

      Posted at 11:49 am by missannsays, on July 23, 2014

      244Tomorrow morning I travel to Japan as a member of the "3rd International Outreach Program for School Children and Community Survivors of 3/11 Great East Japan Disasters". Amazing!!! Last year I was privileged to represent the 9/11 Tribute Center on the second trip. This trip will be similar as we will visit mental health clinics and temporary housing units, attend Rotary Club dinners/receptions, visit a school for the deaf in Koriyama and have a photo-op at the "Soaring Crane" Memorial in Kaiseizan Park. Even though some of the places we visit will be the same, this won’t be a “repeat” of the last trip. How could it be. It is a year later. Much can and does happen in a year. Things we deem good, things we deem bad and things that seem totally ordinary. I hope to see some of the people I meet last year but I also hope that they are no longer living in temporary housing. I hope those caring for so many people at the mental health clinics have not grown weary. I guess what I hope is that there is HOPE.

      Jeanette, fellow Tribute Center traveler and friend, sent me this prayer. It is my prayer for this trip:

      Prayer for a Safe Journey

      Blessed are You, Lord God, for You have created a wide and wonderful world
      in which we can travel.
      We ask Your blessing upon us as we are about to leave on this journey.
      Be our ever-near companion, our guide of travelers, and spread the road
      before us with beauty and adventure.
      May all the highways ahead of us be free of harm and evil.
      May we be accompanied by your Holy spirit and your angelic messengers, as
      were the holy ones of days past.
      On this trip may we take with us as part of our traveling equipment a heart
      wrapped in wonder with which to rejoice in all that we shall meet.
      Along with the clothing of wonder, may be have room in our luggage for a
      mystic map by which we can find the invisible meanings of the events of
      this journey – of possible disappointments and delays, of possible breakdowns
      and rainy day troubles.
      Always awake to your Sacred Presence and to Your divine compassionate love,
      may we see in all that happens to us, in the beautiful and the bad, the
      mystery of Your holy plan.
      May your blessing be upon us throughout this trip and bring us home again
      in safety and peace.

      Amen

      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged Japan, random thoughts, travel
    • Then and Now – March 11

      Posted at 11:02 am by missannsays, on March 11, 2014

      Today marks the third “anniversary” of the earthquake, tsunami and nuclear disaster in Japan. I had the amazing opportunity to visit Japan last August as part of a group from the Tribute Center. Another group from Tribute had visited Japan in October 2012. My friend Jeanette, who was part of that first group, shared the following email and the very moving response. I asked her permission to share it on my blog.

      “just wanted to you know that I am thinking of you and all my friends in Japan today. Good thoughts and prayers are sent your way for continued recovery and healing. I am sorry that this awful thing happened on 3/11 but I am very, very grateful for the beautiful friendships that have blossomed from such a terrible disaster.

      You have my deepest sympathy for those lost and much love and respect for those who have survived and have helped in the recovery.

      Kindest regards, Jeanette”

      The reply she received:

      “The past three years have proved that time alone can not erase and lessen the pains and sadness of people who had experienced such an incredible disaster over such a vast area of space and a huge number of people affected.

      On the contrary, as time goes on, it can even prolong and exacerbate the sorrow and sadness of people who are still unsure of where and when one can finally have a home of her or his own, in spite of passing already of three years., because for many who are still in a tiny temporary accommodation, having a new final home is still many years away if any. The time of the third anniversary is therefore, a hard reminder that in spite of many things apparently done so far, the drama of war-footing is still on-going, and a happy end is not yet in sight for most of people. This is a reality that hundreds of thousands of the tsunami survivors must be feeling right now all over the affected regions. Not in spite of, therefore, but because of such an obvious anniversary day, many people are feeling even sadder and more worried today lest their problems and worries being forgotten slowly and quietly.

      In such a season, your kind and considerate thoughts and prayers are more appreciated and heartfelt than before, and these feelings of appreciations and gratefulness on our part is even stronger when we think that those messages and encouragements come from those who have the 9/11 legacies themselves.”

      203This little boy came out to greet us when we arrived at the temporary housing site in August 2013. He was carrying the Tribute Center coin he had received from the group in October of 2012. He was displaced from his home because of the nuclear radiation spill. He is the face of Fukushima to me. He is who I think of when I say a prayer.

      Posted in daily life, memories | 0 Comments | Tagged Japan
    • Pay it forward

      Posted at 12:02 pm by missannsays, on January 29, 2014

      Yesterday was the 28th anniversary for lack of a better word of the Space Shuttle Challenger exploding as it lifted off for a journey to space. I remember where I was. Most of us if we are of a certain age know where we were and what we were doing. It was a national tragedy but wives lost their husbands, husbands lost their wives, children lost their parent, parents lost their grown children and friends lost friends. It was their personal loss in the midst of a national tragedy.

      On September 11, 2001 I would become a member of that club no one wants to be a member of. The “I have had a personal loss in the midst of a national tragedy” club. I mentioned this in reference to the Challenger anniversary because one of the most profound, generous things that happened in those days and weeks after September 11 was the daughter of the Commander of the Challenger space shuttle wrote a letter to the children of the September 11 attacks. I have included it below. She paid it forward. As I thought about that today I realized I was blessed and inspired by her actions. My children were blessed by her actions.

      I had opportunity to pay it forward when I went to Japan to speak to families of the March 11 earthquake, tsunami and nuclear tragedy. Wow!!! God truly doesn’t waste anything. 🙂

      “A Letter to the Youngest Victims of the Terrorists Attacks
      Dear Children,
      The thunderous explosions that rocked the whole world last week have shattered yours.

      Why does the TV show the crashing plane, exploding and collapsing buildings over and over? Where is my Mom or Dad? Why can’t the rescuers find him/her? Who could have done this terrible thing? Why is the whole nation crying?

      Yours is a small voice in a crashing storm of questions arising from an act of war on the American people. But no answers will bring you comfort. And no answers will bring you closer to understanding, save one: Your Mom or Dad was in harm’s way.

      While our great nation bulks up for the first fight of the century, we, the Challenger children and all the children of public disasters, are hearing your hearts break, holding your hands and hugging you from afar. You are not alone. We want you to know that it will be bad ­ very bad ­ for a little while, but it will get better.

      You see, 15 years ago, before some of you were even born, I watched my father and his crew die in a horrible accident. Our loved ones were astronauts on board the space shuttle Challenger, which blew up a few minutes after take off. It all happened on live television. It should have been a moment of private grief, but instead it turned into a very public torture. We couldn’t turn on the television for weeks afterward, because we were afraid we would see the gruesome spectacle of the Challenger coming apart a mile up in the sky.

      My father died a hundred times a day on televisions all across the country. And since it happened so publicly, everyone in the country felt like it happened to them, too. And it did. The Challenger explosion was a national tragedy. Everyone saw it, everyone hurt, everyone grieved, everyone wanted to help. But that did not make it any easier for me. They wanted to say good-bye to American heroes. I just wanted to say good-bye to my Daddy.

      Our nation mourns with you, for itself and for you. But yours is also a personal loss that is separate from this national tragedy. We hope this letter will bring you some comfort now or in the future, when you are strong enough ­ old enough ­ to read it. We want to prepare you for what’s to come and to help you deal with this burden you never asked to bear. No one asked the people in the World Trade Center, in the Pentagon, or on the airplanes to give their lives in a war they had never volunteered to fight, against people they did not even know were plotting their deaths. Your Mom or Dad was innocent. They were just doing their jobs or traveling to see friends or family, but someone decided to make their everyday lives – and yours – a battlefield.

      You’ve discovered by now that you won’t be able to escape the barrage of news and the countless angles of investigation, speculation and exasperation. The 24-hour coverage will ebb and flow, but will blind side you in the weeks, months and years to follow when you least expect it. You will be watching television and then, suddenly, there will be those pictures – the plane, the towers, the cloud of dust, the fires, the people running. For other people watching, this will all be something called “history.” To you, it’s your life.

      Just know that the media and public perception of this catastrophe aren’t the same as yours. They can’t know how painful it is to watch your Mom or Dad die several times each day. If they knew how much pain it caused, they would stop.

      You imagine death like it is in a fairy tale or like at Grandma or Grandpa’s funeral. They look asleep and peaceful in their coffins. Their earthly bodies are tangible and recognizable. You can say good-bye to someone who looks like your loved one. But the physical proof ­ the recognizable person that was your Mom or Dad ­ is gone or not whole or not recognizable. Your mind can’t accept it, even though your heart knows it. You know their spirit has gone to Heaven, but it’s hard to say good-bye. You will find your own way to say good-bye in your own time.

      You may feel sick when you think about his or her broken body. Your imagination might even carry you to new and scary depths and unspeakable images. You will be afraid to ask what happened because the answers might be worse than what you imagined. You’ll torture yourself wondering if they felt pain, if they suffered, if they knew what was happening. They didn’t. In the same way your brain doesn’t register pain immediately when you break your arm, your Mom or Dad didn’t know pain in their last moments of life on this earth.

      You may have strange dreams or nightmares about your Mom or Dad being alive somehow, trapped in a pocket of the wreckage of the building or stranded or lost in some remote location after parachuting out of the plane before it crashed. They may call to you in your dream to come find them. You will wake up with such hope and determination, only to have the clouds of reality gather and rain fresh tears of exasperation and sadness on your face. These dreams are your subconscious self trying to make sense out of what your conscious self already knows.

      You will think about the last things you said to each other. Were they loving words or actions? Did we speak sharply to each other? Were we too sleepy or rushed to even have one last look at each other’s faces? Rest easy. Their last thoughts were of you ­ the all of who you are ­ not the Tuesday morning, Sept. 11, you. And they were happy thoughts, all in a jumble of emotions so deep they are everlasting.

      Everyone you know will cry fresh tears when they see you. People will try to feed you even though you know it all tastes like cardboard. They want to know what you think ­ what you feel ­ what you need. But you really don’t know. You may not know for a very long time. And it will be an even longer amount of time before you can imagine your life without your Mom or Dad.

      Some people, working through their own grief, will want to talk to you about the catastrophe, the aftermath, the rescue and recovery, or the actions that will be taken by our nation. Others will whisper as you walk by, “Her dad was killed in the attack on the World Trade Center,” or “His mom was in the plane that crashed into the Pentagon,” or “His dad was one of the firefighters who died when the buildings collapsed.” This new identity might be difficult for you. Sometimes you will want to say to the whisperers, “Yes, that was my Dad. We are so proud of him. I miss him like crazy!” But sometimes you will want to fade into the background, wanting to anonymously grieve in your own way, in your own time, without an audience.

      When those who loved your Mom or Dad talk with you, cry with you, or even scream with frustration and unfairness of it, you don’t have to make sense of it all. Grief is a weird and winding path with no real destination and lots of switch backs. Look on grief as a journey ­ full of rest stops, enlightening sites and potholes of differing depths of rage, sadness and despair. Just realize that you won’t be staying forever at one stop. You will eventually move on to the next. And the path will become smoother, but it may never come to an end.

      Ask the people who love you and who knew and loved your Mom or Dad to help you remember the way they lived ­ not the way they died. You need stories about your Mom or Dad from their friends, co-workers and your family. These stories will keep your Mom or Dad alive and real in your heart and mind for the rest of your life. Listen carefully to the stories. Tell them. Write them. Record them. Post them online. The stories will help you remember. The stories will help you make decisions about your life ­ help you become the person you were meant to be.

      Just as a stronger nation will rise out of the grisly cinders and steel skeletal remains of buildings and airplanes, so will you be a stronger person. The events of last week will shape your life in many different ways. You will wonder if you’ll ever be safe again. You will. Our nation will wage a mighty war on terrorism. You will be protected. You can still believe in the future ­ in your future.

      Please know that we are with you ­ holding you in our hearts, in our minds and in our prayers.
      Kathie Scobee Fulgham”

      Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments | Tagged Japan, little things, respect, September 11, telling the next generation
    • Travel Tuesdays- S1E25- New York Botanical Gardens

      Posted at 11:31 am by missannsays, on October 29, 2013

      .016

      Recently I spent a delightful day with friends at the New York Botanical Gardens in the Bronx. As I was traveling over the George Washington Bridge with one of my friends she commented “Tony said he thought the botanical gardens were in Brooklyn”. I chuckled because the night before I had thought wait, are we going to the Bronx or Brooklyn? So to clarify the New York Botanical Gardens are in the Bronx and the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens are in Brooklyn. I haven’t visited the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens that is a trip for another day.

      According to NYBG website “In the late 19th century an eminent Columbia University botanist named Nathaniel Lord Britton and his wife, Elizabeth, also a botanist, were so inspired by their visit to England’s Royal Botanic Gardens, Kew, that they and other members of the Torrey Botanical Club determined New York should possess a great botanical garden as well. A magnificent site was selected in the northern section of the Bronx, part of which had belonged to the vast estate of tobacco merchant Pierre Lorillard. On April 18, 1891, the land was set aside by the New York State Legislature for the creation of “a public botanic garden of the highest class” for the City of New York. Prominent civic leaders and financiers, including Andrew Carnegie, Cornelius Vanderbilt, and J. Pierpont Morgan, agreed to match the City’s commitment to finance the buildings and improvements, initiating a public-private partnership that continues today.”

      I know nothing about botany or gardening but I can tell you the gardens were magnificent. My friends and I did a guided tour of the “KIKU:The Art of Japanese Gardening” Exhibition. We also rode the trolley around the 250 acres and strolled through the Halloween Pumpkin Patch. Since a picture is worth a thousand years I have posted a couple of photos and there are a few more at http://randomsightings.wordpress.com. Enjoy, I know I did.

      026043040

      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged friendship, Japan, travel
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