Miss Ann Says

Category: faith

• “what’s in a name?”

  Posted at 7:46 pm by missannsays, on September 24, 2012

      “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
  By any other name would smell as sweet.” Juliet in Romeo and Juliet

  some random thoughts on “names”

  As I was heading to the parking garage yesterday, I noticed signs announcing that the Battery Tunnel is being renamed the Hugh L. Carey Tunnel. I hope that is a wonderful remembrance of Mr Carey’s public service. But I do  wonder how long it will take people to refer to it as the Carey Tunnel instead of the Battery Tunnel. In the past year or so, the Triboro Bridge has been renamed the RFK Bridge. Does anyone call it that?  I have noticed on some highway signs it has the exit number and then there is a little sign that says “old exit #___”. I have often wondered how long do you keep the old exit # signs up. At what point do you have to start using the new number.

  When Bruce and I were picking names for our children. There were a few names I couldn’t even consider because through the years I had students with those names. We had three girl’s names picked but neither of our daughters looked like a Sarah so no Sarahs in our family. I have had students who I always called the wrong name because they didn’t look like that name. To be honest I am a little confused by some of the names parents especially celebrities pick for their children. I don’t think some parents think through that the child is going to have that name forever (unless they change it). And some names are hard to spell and will be very long on that lined paper in kindergarten.

  One of my favorite stories about “names” happened when I was a kindergarten aide at a Christian School. The teacher had asked “who remembers the names of the young men in our story yesterday?” The day before the teacher had read the story from Daniel 3 about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the fiery furnace. At the time there was a poplar Veggie Tales video about the same story.  A few little hands waved in the air and Miss B. picked a one of the eager students to answer. The child said “Shack, Rack and Benny” – the names from the Veggie Tales video. We tried not to laugh and Miss B. said “Almost what are their real names?” More little hands waving. She calls on another student who says “Larry, Bob and Junior”. In case you aren’t familiar those are the Veggie Tale’s character’s names. It was too funny. And the whole time I am thinking Shadrach, Meshach and “to bed we go”.

  The Bible is full of stories of God giving people new names – Abram and Sarai will become Abraham and Sarah, Jacob will become Israel, Saul will become Paul. They will each receive a new name and a new task. I am reminded of a time  when I was teaching the story of Jacob’s name change and a student says “He was named after a country that is weird!” ‘No, the country was named after him.”  And then another student chimes in “your cousin is named Aja (prononuced asia) and that is a continent.” Don’t you just love 5th graders. 🙂

   My favorite name story is when Moses asks “Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, “The God of your fathers has sent me to you, and they ask me,”What is his name?’ Then what shall I tell them?” “God said to Moses, “I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites:’I am has sent me to you'”

  Posted in daily life, faith, kid stuff | 0 Comments | Tagged kid stuff, little things

• Questions & answers

  Posted at 9:30 pm by missannsays, on September 20, 2012

  Since September 11, 2001, people have asked me when I knew Bruce was dead. I can’t tell you an exact day. At some point within the first week or so, I had a dream about Bruce in the towers. I dreamt he heard the sound of the floors collapsing above him and he tried even harder to get people out.  He whispered he loved his girls (that was what he called E, M and I) and then he was face to face with God.

  After Sept 18 meeting and the dream, I knew he was never coming home and it was time to begin planning his memorial service. I had told one of the other wives from Squad 41 that I would be the first wife to declare my husband dead and plan a service.  Of course there was the legal side of that – filing a missing person’s report and requesting a death certificate.  My sister would take care of contacting the powers that be. A NYPD detective would come to my home and leave the report. My sister and I would sit at my kitchen table and we would complete a missing person’s report.  Weight, height, tattoos… but there are questions you have never even thought of – attached or unattached ears???  That same detective would come back and pick up the report.

  We would also need to deal with the DNA request. Squad 41 had already given the medical examiner’s office Bruce’s comb, a t-shirt and toothbrush from the firehouse.  When we were at the “leave your DNA at the door meeting”, my sister had inquired about my daughters being able to go to a lab near our home to give DNA samples instead of in the  hotel ballroom. We had decided that we wouldn’t ask my 82-year-old mother in law to do this. My older daughter decided that she was going to be the DNA sample giver.

  There were 3 groups of people I had to know were okay with having a Memorial Service –  my daughters, my mother in law and the firefighters from Squad 41. My sister and I sat on the living room floor with my daughters and I would ask them “Where do you think Daddy is right now?” They both would respond “in heaven”. I would reply “Okay then it is time to have a Memorial Service.” “But what if you are wrong?” “I have no problem with your dad walking into his own memorial service but we need to plan one. And I don’t know how we are going to get through this, or birthdays, or Christmas but if a week ago someone would have said we would have to go through what we have already gone through we never would have believed them. And God has gotten us this far and He will get us through the rest.” I would have a telephone conversation with my sister-in-law and she would agree.  My mother in law had scheduled a meeting with her lawyer to change her power of attorney to her daughter so I knew she was thinking Bruce wasn’t coming home.  The firefighters were sure they would find Bruce and the other men. They spoke of voids. I told them I hoped they would find Bruce but we needed to have a service. After discussion with my family, close friends, pastor and the fire department, we decided on Saturday September 29. It was about 10 days away but that would give us time to plan and people to travel.

  At some point both of my daughters would come to me separately and ask me the same three questions. Can we still live in this house? Can we still go to EC? And what will happen when we get married?  Yes, we will live in this house. Yes, I will make sure you can stay at EC. And we don’t have to worry about when you get married because right now you are too young to get married and you don’t have a boyfriend.

   

   

   

   

  Posted in faith, memories, September 11 | 0 Comments | Tagged following Jesus, September 11

• rescue to recovery

  Posted at 7:45 pm by missannsays, on September 18, 2012

  We would be invited by the FDNY to a meeting in the city on Tuesday September 18,2001. The weird thing is there are some things about that meeting that are forever etched in my mind but there are other details  I can’t remember at all. For  example, I can vividly remember walking out of the Fire Zone, seeing a full size bus, boarding the bus and being driven basically around the block. On the other end of the spectrum, I have no memory of where my youngest daughter was while I attended the meeting.

  Squad 41 had wanted to send a van to pick us up but we decided that my bff ‘s hubby, T would drive my sister, my older daughter and I into the city. We were suppose to meet at one of the designated locations and then would be transported to the meeting. I guess the idea was to keep the press away and protect our privacy. As we approached the George Washington Bridge, I remember there were men in full military garb holding the biggest guns I had ever seen. I remember thinking “this is the United States of America; we don’t have military on our bridges.” The traffic was moving very slow. I think there was a giant flag hanging on the bridge but that could be a memory from another time.  And as I glanced at the skyline, I couldn’t figure out where the Twin Towers had stood. We discussed their placement on the island and couldn’t figure it out.  My sister commented “I thought there would be a cut out where they had been.”  It was so very strange to see the new skyline.

  We reported to the designated meeting place, we had chosen “The Fire Zone” at Rockefeller Center.  Everyone was so very kind – did we want something to eat or drink, could they do anything for us. A full size bus would arrive complete with police escort and men “talking into their sleeves.” It was like we were in some B rated movie. We boarded the bus and were transported to a hotel only a few blocks away. We disembarked, rode the escalator up to the next floor and were ushered into the grand ballroom which was outfitted with round tables and chairs. We chose a table to sit at and introduced ourselves to the other people at the table. There was a woman, her young adult son and daughter. Her husband was very high-ranking in the FDNY. There was another young woman whose fiancé was a firefighter. We compared notes on what we each knew about our loved ones and what we thought the meeting was going to reveal. I remember Governor Pataki was walking around and greeting people. He was very tall and seemed sincere as he spoke to many people.  Governor Pataki would mention  that his dad had been a long time volunteer firefighter. I remember my sister and I discussed how casually dressed some people were in comparison to other people.  There were people in shorts, t-shirts and flip-flops and other people in business attire. I had carefully chosen what I was wearing.   Knowing that I was attending a meeting with the governor, mayor and chief of the FDNY, I wanted to represent my husband in a way that was honoring to my position as a firefighter’s wife.

  The whole meeting was surreal. The purpose of the meeting was to inform us that the mission was going from rescue to recovery followed by a question and answer time. There was discussion about DNA samples and opportunity to give a DNA before you left. In the years since that meeting, some FDNY widows have come to call it “the leave your DNA at the door” meeting. Sorry if that sounded really bad but sometimes you have to acknowledge the absurdity of the entire situation. My sister would investigate if there was another option of giving DNA that would be more private. She found out that we could take my daughter to a lab near where we lived which definitely seemed like a better idea.

  This would be the first time I would see the other wives from Squad 41. I had spoken to some of the other wives on the phone but hadn’t seen them until this meeting. These were women who I knew because our husbands worked together. I would have seen them maybe twice a year. But here we were “thrown together” by the most unbelievable set of circumstances. So we didn’t really know each other expect for the annual Christmas party and summer picnic. One of the other wives would comment “I will be praying for you.” And that moment I did something I had never done before in my entire life, I said “why don’t we pray right now.” She went to get her family and I went to get my bff’s hubby and announced to him “you need to pray.” This part I remember so vividly even though it seemed like an out-of-body experience – standing in a crowd, noisy NYC hotel ballroom, holding hands with my family and my Squad 41 family, T starting to pray and all the other sounds of the ballroom melting away and it was just T’s voice beseeching God for His peace and favor and thanking God for His gifts of life and love. It is one of the most profound moments of my life.

  On September 18, 2001, I didn’t really totally comprehend what “going from rescue to recovery” meant. But I did know that I needed to take the next step. We as a family needed to move from believing there would be a rescue to setting our lives for recovery. And within a few days, I would have what at the time I thought was the hardest conversation of my life. That however is a story for another day.

  Posted in faith, memories, September 11, then & now | 2 Comments | Tagged following Jesus, respect, September 11

• then and now – Sept 16

  Posted at 8:00 pm by missannsays, on September 16, 2012

  Sunday Sept 16, 2001 would prove to be the “tipping point”.  Family, friends, neighbors, total strangers were stopping by my home with meals and encouraging words which was so very kind but I couldn’t be “all things to all people”. It was time to “circle the wagons”.  Steve, my pastor, would take the lead and announce that “Ann doesn’t answer the phone or the door.”  He would have the church organize updates and meals. The church would add daily updates on their website. My sister would be responsible for answering the phone and door and there would be a list of people I would speak to and/or see. There was actually a physical list of people. I would also make a list of people who I needed to speak to – people who I needed to talk to so I could stay strong.  Months later people would joke “that they made the list.”  Pastor Steve also stated that I would take a nap every day.  Each day, my sister and I made a list of things we wanted to accomplish – simple things like take a shower, do laundry.  There was a sense of being in limbo, a sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop, a sense of not knowing what you should do next. Squad 41 would call each day with their updates “nothing to report. We are still looking. There are voids.”

  I think we sometimes feel that it is wrong to “circle the wagons” but there are times that you have to take care of yourself and those closest to you. There are times that it can only be about you. I hope you have friends who are so close to you that they will “circle the wagons” for you.  I remember before September 11 being concerned how would I tell Bruce’s mom, or my parents or my kids that something had happened to him. Firefighter, police officer and military families live with the possibility that they won’t be coming home. So you think about “what if such and such happens.” On September 11, Bruce’s sister was visiting their mom in southern NJ which may not seem like a big deal but Bruce’s sister lives in KS. She would be there that day and for weeks to come. In August, my brother and his wife had moved back to NJ from CA so they were there for my parents. So that left me only my daughters to take care of and that was a gift. It was another blink from God that he had it all under control. On September 11,2001 I went into mother lion mode and my goal was to protect my girls no matter what. And I was fortunate to have my sister and other friends would helped me protect my girls and helped to take care of me.

  Today I read a very sad article on the 9-11 server that I subscribe to. The widow of the pilot of United flight 93 died of an accidental drug overdose caused by mixing alcohol, anti depression drugs and anti-anxiety drugs. I feel so bad for her family. It is just so sad. I always try to remember when I hear, read or see a story in the news that “everyone has a family” or at least I hope they do.

  Posted in daily life, faith, memories, September 11 | 2 Comments | Tagged little things, September 11

• then and now – Sept 13

  Posted at 8:58 pm by missannsays, on September 13, 2012

  School had been canceled on Sept 12, 2001. On September 13, 2001, my daughters would choose to go to school. My older daughter, E, was a senior and younger daughter, M, was a freshmen. It won’t be until weeks later that I would realize that M had only been at her new school for a few days when September 11 happened.  After attending freshmen orientation a few weeks before school started, M had told Bruce and I that she had asked a few people if they knew E and they didn’t. And then she said “Everyone will know who I am within a month of me being there.”  And they did but not for a reason we could have ever thought of. My daughters are very different people. They are each wonderful but different. As a teacher, who had both of my daughters said, “I had E who was this quiet, attentive student and then this wind named M blew in”. I am forever grateful to the students, teachers and staff of Eastern Christian High School who made school a safe, secure place for my daughters to be as we were on this journey we never expected to be on.

  In the days after Sept 11, I would pull out my Bible to read verses that I felt would give me strength and wisdom. The first verse I looked up was Philippians 4:8 ” Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent  or praiseworthy – think about such things.” This was always called the “qualifying” verse. My girls heard this constantly while growing up. But on Sept 13, 2001, after I read that verse I looked up the page and read “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Don’t be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

  Today September 13, 2012, there was a memorial service for Neil Armstrong at the National Cathedral in Washington.  I watched part of it on television and saw Eugene Cernan, the last man to walk on the moon, talk about his friend and the first person to walk on the moon. One think that Cernan said that really struck me was “it was never about Neil”.  Wow! that is something to think about…

  Posted in faith, respect in the real world, September 11 | 0 Comments | Tagged following Jesus, little things, September 11

• then and now – Sept 12

  Posted at 7:38 pm by missannsays, on September 12, 2012

  Early in the morning of September 12,2001 there would be a quiet knock on my kitchen door. I would peek out the kitchen curtains, recognize the person, open the door and step onto the stoop as I closed the door behind me.  It would be M  from church. Bruce and I had known M and P for years. We had all attended the same church in NJ. Eventually, just as we had moved to New York they would move “north” and we would again be attending the same church.  “I just stopped by to tell you I am going down there to look for him.” A little later another knock, another man from church he gives me a big hug and leaves. Around 7:00 am. I make a few telephone calls. I call C and T and tell them what I know. They both ask “what can we do” I tell them that if there is a body to identify that I know I can’t do that. I ask T to promise me that he will identify the body. He promises.  I speak to D. We decide that I will make a list of things that need to be accomplished and each morning she will check in and take care of that list.

  “I am here to do the all things you can’t do. And I will stay for as long as you need me” says my youngest sister has she arrives from her home in the  Albany area. “Don’t you have any cases” I ask. At that time, she was an assistant district attorney. “No, it is strange. Everyone has pleaded guilty. I don’t have any cases right now.”  Another blink from God – He is still in control.

  In the course of the day, friends, neighbors and acquaintances, will stop by with food. The firefighters at Squad 41 and I set up a plan they will call every morning and evening to check in whether they know anything new or not. The day is a blur. It is like being in a fog. As the phone rings, I relay the same information over and over again.  One of the other wives from Squad 41 calls; we agree to stay in touch. As people stop by, I meet many of them outside for several reasons, partly because the weather was beautiful, partly because I don’t want my daughter’s hearing the same thing over and over and partly because you may not like my 130 lb Rottweiler.  Weeks later I would hear “Ann isn’t doing well. She won’t let anyone in her house.” Really are you kidding me?

  On September 12, 2012 I am recovery from recent gall bladder surgery. I decided to keep the surgery off of FB (until now) because  my life just seems to come with a lot of “drama”. I am resting. C was my “surgery buddy” and drove me to and from surgery. She spent the night on Monday and made me food to eat during my recovery. D checked in and today delivered me my mail.  Other friends have prayed, sent cards and even flowers. I mention this because to have friends that have been with you through the years is a blessing. Friends who have divided my sorrows and multiplied my  joys. I am truly blest. 🙂

   

  Posted in faith, memories, September 11 | 7 Comments | Tagged friendship, little things, September 11

• Sept 11, 2012

  Posted at 7:00 am by missannsays, on September 11, 2012

  The death certificate said “homicide”.  The FDNY said LODD – line of duty death.  Our Heavenly Father said “Well done, Bruce – welcome home.”

  Praying for the families that lost loved ones. Praying for health of body and mind for the first responders that carry on. Praying for the survivors of the WTC & Pentagon who saw things no human being should ever see. Praying for our military and their families.

  Thanking my friends and family for their love & support.

  “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
  Posted in faith, respect in the real world, September 11 | 3 Comments | Tagged following Jesus, September 11, telling the next generation

• R. Bruce Van Hine

  Posted at 7:00 am by missannsays, on September 10, 2012

  He would enter this world on July 25, 1953. He was given the name Richard Bruce Van Hine but he was called Bruce. He was the second child in the family, the only son. His mom celebrates her 94 birthday the end of this week. His dad died 21 years ago this November. His older sister lives in the mid west with her husband. Her grown children are married and have children and live in Colorado, Chicago and Minnesota. He had many aunts and uncles and lots of cousins. When he was young, he didn’t like school and his parents were told by his teachers that he was lazy. Upon graduation from high school, he would work as a lineman for the telephone company.  And when he received a high draft number, he would enlist in the Navy.  In the spring of 1975, he would be honorably discharged from the Navy and use all the money he had saved to buy a Porsche 914.  And he would appear on my doorstep in September of 1975.

  He was the friend of a friend. After our first date, I would tell that friend of a friend that Bruce was a “creep”.  Through the years the joke would become that he was a still “a creep” but  he was “my creep”.  We would be married on June 14, 1980. He would start his own tree business and eventually pursue his dream of being a real firefighter, a New York City firefighter. He would register to take the FDNY test one month before he would have been too old to qualify. He would take the written test, the physical test, go through the psychological testing and be given a place on the list. And then that list would be in the courts for 8 years and his dream would be on hold. One funny anecdote from the psychological testing. The psychologist would ask Bruce if he had any siblings. Bruce would respond “yes”. “where is your sister?” “in Leavenworth” The doctor would pause and then say “is she incarcerated there?” “No she lives there with her family”. That was Bruce always the wise guy. When Bruce told me the story I couldn’t believe he had said that. He thought it was amusing. He would eventually be hired as a New York City firefighter. He would also work at his tree jobs. And play a major role in raising our daughters.

  Bruce loved to be outdoors. He enjoyed scuba diving, hunting and  hiking. He tried his hand at skiing but that wasn’t really his thing. He wasn’t a big reader but he did enjoy Bill Bryson book “A Walk in the Woods” about two non hikers through hiking the Appalachian Trail.  That was another dream of his to through hike the Appalachian Trail.  He enjoyed family vacations and we took some great, inexpensive vacations. Mostly camping trips – tent camping, then we graduated to a pop up and eventually we got a trailer.

  He had no problem with being Mr Clark at my dance studio. I added Van Hine to my maiden name when we married. But I was Ann Clark at my studio. I actually was never Mrs Van Hine until after Bruce died. Kind of weird when you think about it. At one point in our marriage, I was the Sunday School Superintendent at our local church as well as the District Children’s Ministries Director for  Metro New York . One day for some bizarre reason I said to Bruce “you know you really should get a ministry” And without missing a beat he said to me “I have a ministry”. “You do. What?” “You are my ministry” and with that he walked calming out of the room. And I realized that I was able to do all the things I was doing because Bruce was giving me his unbridled support, encouragement and love.

  On February 26, 1993, Bruce was working on something in the basement. I would turn the television on to watch noontime news and hear that there had been an explosion at the World Trade Center. I would yell that information down the stairs to Bruce. He would come bounding up the stairs, listen to the report on the television and in true firefighter fashion say “I can’t believe I missed the big one.”

  In August of 2001, Bruce would escort his mother to her granddaughter, his niece’s wedding in Chicago. At that wedding he would see his sister, his one niece and her groom, his two nephews and their future spouses. At the end of August, he would spend the night on the AP trail. And during that weekend he would finish the Connecticut piece of the trail leaving a Bible in a plastic bag in the trail shelter. By doing day hikes through the years, he completed the NJ, NY, PA and CT sections of the trail.

  And on September 11, 2001,  Squad 41 would be sent to Manhattan to relocate at Squad 18 but on the way there the second plane would hit the WTC and they would go directly to the WTC site. They would enter #2 WTC and get pretty high up into the tower when they would come across injured civilians. They would start to bring those civilians down as the building collapsed. That scenario wouldn’t be known until many months after the attacks. The FDNY knew Squad 41 had been dispatched but they didn’t know which tower they had gone in, etc..   At some point during that first week after September 11, I had a dream. In my dream Bruce was in the towers and he realized the building was collapsing and he tried even harder to get people to “move” and then he whispered that he loved his girls (that is what he called me and our two daughters) and he was face to face with God. He would enter eternity on September 11, 2001.

  People have said that R. Bruce Van Hine was a hero. He wouldn’t like that word. He would say he was just doing his job, a job that he loved.  He got to be the real firefighter that he always wanted to be. He is missed but his legacy of faith, family, friends and living your calling will be told to the next generation.

  Posted in faith, memories, September 11 | 25 Comments | Tagged respect, September 11, telling the next generation

• the last time

  Posted at 4:34 pm by missannsays, on September 9, 2012

  

  I don’t remember how old my youngest daughter (M) was but at some point she put a note in her father’s dress uniform hat that said “I love you Dad”.  That note is still in that hat. And that hat sits on a shelf in the corner cabinet of my “study/reading room”.  As I remember the story, M. had placed the note in the hat because her dad was attending a firefighter’s funeral. The tradition of firefighters paying tribute to fellow fallen firefighters is a long, rich not to be taken lightly duty. To be honest, I didn’t always get the “firefighter” funeral thing. I understood the firefighters need to honor their fellow firefighters and support the family.  I personally felt it was wrong for the mayor, etc to show up at funerals and speak. I felt it was an invasion of privacy. Bruce would tell me that it was just the way it was. I had told him that if he died in the line of duty I wasn’t going to let the mayor come. He told me I would have to sort that out after he was gone. It would be my problem not his.

   The last time Bruce wore that hat was the day of M. eighth grade graduation in June 2001.  Bruce would attend the funeral for one of the firefighters killed in the Father’s Day fire. He would call and say he was running late and should he come home to change and be late for graduation or just come in his dress uniform. We would decide that he should just meet us there.  There are wonderful photos of M with her dad in his uniform.

  When September 11 falls on a Tuesday, it is a little freaky for many of us. See when it is on a Tuesday you know what you were doing in the days leading up to that day that would start as such a beautiful late summer day.  The days seem to line up more easily. I am not sure why it is maybe it is just how your brain stores information.  Sunday September 9 is the last time so many years ago that I would see my husband. He was on duty Sunday evening to Monday evening and then on duty again on Tuesday for a day tour. Because his firehouse was in the Bronx, we decided he would spend Monday night and the firehouse.

  I would speak to him on the phone on Monday. I can’t remember what that conversation was about. I do vividly remember the conversation we had when he left for work on Sunday September 9, 2001. It had been a ordinary Sunday. We attended church with our eldest daughter (E). Our youngest daughter (M) wasn’t home. She was on a school sponsored trip to the New Jersey shore. We had lunch and then took a  *”Nazarene” nap. As Bruce was getting dressed to leave, he said “I am so blest”. I commented “why”. He answered “I am married to Miss Ann, we have 2 great kids and we got the trailer.” To which I responded “some people won’t see being married to me as a plus. You are right the girls are great. And yes, we had a great summer.” 🙂

   The mayor won’t be at Bruce’s memorial service not because I didn’t invite him but because there were too many services/funerals. A representative of the mayor’s office and governor’s office would be there. A little side story I would actually meet those gentlemen the day before. The day before Bruce’s memorial service we would stop by Squad 41 in the Bronx. As we pulled into the little parking lot next to the firehouse, an official looking car would pull in behind us. Two suits would get out. They were coming to Squad 41 to learn about Bruce and pay their respects.They didn’t expect to run into his family.  I had a brief conversation with them. Some time after I would receive a personal note from those men telling me how moved they had been by his service and meeting me. On September 29 we would have Bruce’s memorial service. It would celebrate his life and bring glory to our God. Both of those things were important to us. Firefighters from all around would attend. And they would be given a standing ovation has they entered and left the church. I can still hear the sound of people applauding for them. The firefighters would exit the church and stand in formation outside.  My daughters and I would walk out the side door of the church and around the corner of the building to see a giant American flag drapped between two firetrucks and all those firefighters would stand at attention as we walked by. My daughters tell me that they still remember the sound of my heels on the pavement. I actually remember that sound, too. We would re-enter the church through a lower level door and have a brief time of refreshment. Complete with Arthur Avenue cheesecake and coffee – two of Bruce’s favorites. Family, friends and complete strangers would offer their words of encouragement and support. My daughter’s friends from school, church and camp would be there to support them. The outpouring of love was amazing.  And on Monday October first, E, M and I would establish our new normal but those stories are for another day.

       *Nazarene nap – Sunday afternoon nap right after lunch and sandwiched in between morning service and evening service.*
  Posted in faith, memories, respect in the real world, September 11 | 4 Comments | Tagged following Jesus, friendship, September 11

• a few thoughts on Sept 11

  Posted at 10:11 pm by missannsays, on September 6, 2012

  

  When I tell my personal story while doing tours at the National September 11 Memorial for the Tribute Center, I say “there are 2 reasons I have made it through the last 11 years – my faith and the fact that Bruce was a NYC firefighter. I have never asked why because on September 11 he was doing his job. It was his job to go into those buildings and it was a job he loved.”  But I really should say “there are 3 reasons I have made it through the last 11 years – my faith, the fact Bruce was a NYC firefighter and that I am blest to have the most amazing family and friends.”

  My faith is what has sustained me through the years. God has proved that He can be trusted. He has allowed me to hide behind him. He has carried me. He has put me down to walk beside him and He has picked me up again. Bruce and I always talked about that if we truly believed what we said we believed then when one of us died it better be different, because we either believe there is eternal life or we don’t. I believe that it is only time that separates Bruce and I. And when eternity comes I will see my husband again. That doesn’t mean that I am happy that he died. It doesn’t mean that I haven’t looked towards the heaven and yelled “are you kidding me”. But God is big enough for my doubts and questions. He has given me a “peace that surpasses all understanding.” I was asked by a television reporter in December 2001 “how was I coping”. I answered “I am not coping. I am hoping.” I realized after I said it that could have become a “sound bite” that said “I wasn’t coping”. Thankful they used the entire statement.

  Because Bruce was a firefighter, I believe he died in the line of duty. He gave his life, no one took it. Whenever a firefighter goes to work, he may not come home. That is a whole different thing than your 23-year-old son was sitting at a desk and terrorist flew a commercial airliner into the building. Firefighters did their jobs that day. (As did the police officers and WTC security people) The brotherhood of the FDNY is unmatched.  I am very grateful to be part of that family. But we should not forget that there were civilians who did amazing things for each other. I believe there are wonderful stories of people helping people that we will never know because all those involved lost their lives. It has been said that “September 11 was the worst of humanity and the best of humanity.”

  I have been blest with the most amazing family and friends. People who were with me and my daughters from the beginning of this journey. People who did “all those things I couldn’t do”. People who have become part of our life since September 11 and have enriched my life in more ways than I can count.

  I am going to take the liberty of sharing a few things that I hope people realize as September 11, 2011 approaches.

  1. There are still families waiting to receive notification that their family member has been identified. 2,749 were killed at the World Trade Center in NYC. 1100 of those families have never had any human remains. All those killed at the Pentagon and Shanksville were identified – 184 and 40 respectively.
  2. There are families still being notified that “more” of their loved one has been identified.
  3. The number 2,749 does not include the homeless and probably doesn’t include illegals because that number is based on missing persons reports. The homeless had no one to file the report and families of illegals may have been afraid to file a report.
  4. That September 11 didn’t just happen in NYC but also in DC and PA.  From the first tower being hit until that same tower fell was 102 minutes. In between the second tower was hit, the Pentagon was hit, the second tower collapses, the plane crashes in PA and then the first tower hit falls.
  5. Over 1000 rescue and recovery workers have died since September 11 from illness contracted from working at the site.
  6. Many rescue workers, recovery workers and volunteers are sick from working at the site.
  7. I want you to know that when you hear of some tragic event in your town, state, country or around the world don’t doubt that there is something you can do. I know that people’s prayers, cards, and donations made a difference because I was the recipient of prayers, cards, and donations from friends and total strangers. And I can tell you those acts of kindness made a difference to me and my family.

  Thanks for “listening” and don’t forget to hug your family and friends and tell them that love them 🙂

  Posted in faith, September 11 | 1 Comment | Tagged following Jesus, September 11

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