Miss Ann Says

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• Today

  Posted at 3:58 pm by missannsays, on June 14, 2020

  Forty years ago today, June 14, 1980, I was married to Bruce Van Hine. We had a smallish wedding in a little white church in New Milford, NJ. We were married in the morning because I knew if we had afternoon ceremony, Bruce would schedule a tree job and probably arrive late. I dressed in my tea length wedding gown at my parent’s house where I still lived. My Dad and I traveled to the church in a Rolls Royce, supplied as a perk from the reception venue. My Dad walked me down the aisle. My bestest friend, Carol, was my maid of honor. My baby sister, my two cousins and my niece were my bridesmaids. Bruce and I knelt at the altar, received communion and as Pastor Charlie prayed I knew if I had opened my eyes to peek I would have seen Jesus’ feet standing behind us. The church bells rang out as we exited through a shower of rice. Photos were taken at a park and are cherished to this day. Sidenote: make sure people take off their sunglasses before photos.

  The reception was a delicious brunch at a lovely place in Wyckoff. Afterwards my Mum and Dad hosted a small gathering at my childhood home. I remember Bruce and I sitting on my bed opening cards. I remember Tony telling me that while I was on my honeymoon he was going to ask Carol to marry him. He knew she would want me to know. We went to Bruce’s parents’ home for another celebration and to pick up his suitcase before heading to the airport hotel. That didn’t go as smoothly as I had imagined as he hadn’t finished packing. I wasn’t pleased. I reminded him I had planned the wedding, had my annual recital the week before and all he had to do was pack and plan the honeymoon. His sister was able to include some silly sayings and items since the suitcase hadn’t been secured. We enjoyed a week in St Thomas and returned to start real life together.

  We experienced joys and sorrows. We grew as people and a couple. He was my biggest supporter and cheerleader. To be honest I don’t think much about what could’ve been. I can’t imagine because today would be different in every way if he hadn’t died in the line of duty. But I do know on the morning of September 11, 2001 that our life was good. We were in a good place and looking forward to the future. We were happy. I have no regrets.

  Many times through our time together I would say to Bruce:

  Don’t walk behind me I may not lead.

  Don’t walk in front of me I may not follow.

  Just walk beside me and be my friend. Albert Camus

  Thanks, Bruce for being my friend. Thank you for the life we shared and the life you provided for me now. I love you.

  

  Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

• Another Memorial Day

  Posted at 10:44 am by missannsays, on May 25, 2020

  This post was originally written for Laced With Grace June 2018. I thought it was appropriate to share here today – Memorial Day 2020

  This past weekend, I had the privilege of attending my friend’s aunt’s funeral in Arlington National Cemetery. “Aunt Jeanette” aka “The Colonial” had died months ago but a full military funeral didn’t happen until a few days ago. For me any visit to Arlington National Cemetery is overwhelming. The sheer number of graves is staggering. To ponder how men and women have served our country through the centuries is awe-inspiring. To be there this weekend and see a small American flag by each tombstone was sobering.

  The funeral began with a Catholic Mass in the Old Post Chapel, a beautiful small white steepled church with impressive stained-glass windows. It continued as we drove slowly behind horse-drawn wagon carrying a flag-draped casket to the grave site as an army band kept time. The chaplain now in his military uniform with a chest full of medals instead of his priestly garb offered further words of comfort. Rifles fired in a twenty-one-gun salute, an American flag was expertly folded and handed to my friend “on the behalf of a grateful nation” and then a lone bugler played taps. There were centuries of tradition, respect and remembrance in every aspect of the ceremony.

  ^” Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13 NIV

  Being at Arlington reminded me that many have died for the freedoms I enjoy. I recognized those freedoms were bought at a high price and I am grateful. I was also struck by the realization that only One could and did pay the price for my sins and for that I am eternally grateful.

  “But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:16-18 NIV

  I liked the way those same verses were paraphrased in The Message.

  ^” Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We’re free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so, we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.” 2 Corinthians 3:16-18 The Message

  “But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. ²³ For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 6:22-23 NIV

  

  Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments

• Tricky days

  Posted at 9:29 am by missannsays, on April 11, 2020

  Tricky days are what my daughters and I called holidays and special occasions after Bruce’s death. Days that were once full of activity but now there was an empty chair or no need to purchase a Father’s Day or Birthday card. Currently even without the loss of a loved one we are experiencing tricky days as we navigate this pandemic. Our seasonal celebrations can’t be celebrated in a business as usual fashion. So do we throw it all out, just skip it, or do we regroup and find a way to make those celebrations morph into an appropriate remembrance of why we would normally gather and feast.

  At the beginning of October 2001 my mother-in-law sheepishly asked, “What is happening for Thanksgiving?”  

  “It’s a Van Hine year. We were planning on coming to you. Only thing is we have to bring Buster.” (Buster was our rather large dog who considered himself a lap dog.)

  “Oh, that is fine.”

  When Bruce and I were dating and our first few years of marriage, we ate two Thanksgiving dinners – one at the Clark’s and one at the Van Hine’s. Eventually we got smarter and alternated years. Odd numbered years were Van Hine and even numbered years were Clark’s. The great thing about this was I never had to cook a Thanksgiving meal until recently.  

  My Mother-in-law always had a full house for Thanksgiving. She was wonderful cook and hostess. She had the amazing ability of finding those who needed a place to go. We were a little worried that there may be a house full for Thanksgiving 2001, but she only invited three of her lady friends. And for some reason that I can’t really even articulate they reminded me of the three fairies in Sleeping Beauty –Flora, Fauna and Merryweahter. 

  The girls and I had set the dining room table earlier in the day. Appetizers were arranged on the coffee table. Beverage offerings were in the kitchen. As my mother-in-law prepared the last bits of food for the meal, Emily, Meghan and I made polite conversation with her friends. Eventually one of the women, who I had the impression had been named the spokesperson, offered words of condolence and the elephant in the room was now named and was no longer lurking about. Thank you, Jesus. 

  As Christmas 2001 approached the question asked by many was “so what are you doing about Christmas?” What??  At first, I thought people were asking “what was I doing for Christmas?” but then I realized they were asking “are you celebrating Christmas?” My reply was “No matter what Jesus was born and that is always worth celebrating.” 

  What I learned about tricky days is if possible hold onto traditions, they may give you solid ground at a wobbly time. Also name the elephant in the room – loss, anger, disappointment, etc. Naming it seems to let everyone breath. Have a plan. It won’t be plan A but plan B or C could surprise you with moments of laughter and/or peace. Let’s not forget that these are extraordinary times. We have never done a pandemic before so except for staying home there is no right way to do it. So my advise would be just do it.

  “for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:11b-14 NIV

  On another note: my heart aches for the young people that will miss so many rites of passage – prom, graduation, etc. My hope is those occasions can still be celebrated in a meaningful way. The students accomplishment can be acknowledged and they can be given a special day even though it won’t look like they thought it would look. I pray the students can acknowledge what was lost but can rejoice in their accomplishments and look forward with hope to the future.

  Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

• Matzah Moment

  Posted at 9:38 am by missannsays, on April 6, 2020

  On Saturday, I made matzah. Your right that seems a little strange for me. I don’t cook or bake a lot, I am not Jewish and really why would I need to bake unleavened bread during a pandemic. Let me explain. A friend posted on FB that she had baked matzah. Side note: matzah, matzo, matza are all correct spellings. Knowing that online church was having Communion on Sunday (Palm Sunday), I thought I am going to make matzah. The ingredients are simple – flour, kosher salt and water. I decided to half the recipe because I only needed one little piece. The extra would be good with peanut butter. The recipe called for a pasta machine or rolling the dough very thin. I don’t own a pasta machine so in the back of the cupboard I found my rolling pin. I combined the ingredients and then…

  It is hard to explain but there was a moment when I had this overwhelming sense of being connected to all of time. The realization that all over the world for centuries people have made matzah gave me this feeling of being rooted in something so much bigger than myself. It was humbling. And comforting. And so much more.

  The matzah turned out okay. It is tricky to bake. You have to be very present. Watching. Turning. Watching. If you had seen my kitchen and the fruits of my labor you would have thought epic fail. All I can say is wow.

  “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,  may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

  Ephesians 3:14-21 NIV

  Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

• Chippie & Our Current Crisis

  Posted at 9:34 am by missannsays, on April 3, 2020

  One of my past roles was directing a week long sleep away camp for children grades 1 – 6, basically seven to twelve year olds. The counselors were mostly young adults with a few parents, teenagers and seniors added to the mix. Did I mention we were all volunteers? If you have ever worked or volunteered at camp, you know there are magical moments with an equal number of bang your head against the wall or a tree moments. At some point in the morning staff meeting, I would share Chippie’s story as an encouragement.

  “CHIPPIE THE PARAKEET NEVER saw it coming. One second he was peacefully perched in his cage. The next he was sucked in, washed up, and blown over. The problems began when Chippie’s owner decided to clean Chippie’s cage with a vacuum cleaner. She removed the attachment from the end of the hose and stuck it in the cage. The phone rang, and she turned to pick it up. She’d barely said ‘hello’ when ‘sssopp!’ Chippie got sucked in.

  “The bird owner gasped, put down the phone, turned off the vacuum, and opened the bag. There was Chippie– still alive, but stunned. Since the bird was covered with dust and soot, she grabbed him and raced to the bathroom, turned on the faucet, and held Chippie under the running water. Then, realizing that Chippie was soaked and shivering, she did what any compassionate bird owner would do . . she reached for the hair dryer and blasted the pet with hot air.

  “Poor Chippie never knew what hit him.

  “A few days after the trauma, the reporter who’d initially written about the event contacted Chippie’s owner to see how the bird was recovering. ‘Well,’ she replied, ‘Chippie doesn’t sing much anymorc he just sits and stares.’

  “It’s hard not to see why. Sucked in, washed up, and blown over . . . that’s enough to steal the song from the stoutest heart.”

  Many times the same camper that cried on the first day that they didn’t want to stay, cried on the last day they didn’t want to leave. Counselors were equally exhausted and blessed. The last day usually included a t-shirt signing party. My autograph was “Be there. Miss Ann.”

  In our current state of affairs, I want to encourage you to be there for your family, friends and neighbors. Not physically there but there in the ways that really matter. Don’t lose your song. Each of us have a part play so don’t sit there stunned. A little pity partly is okay but then sing. You don’t have to sing a happy song you can sing a lament but sing. As a follower of Jesus, I am a believer in eternal life so I will also add when eternity comes “Be There.”

  “Jesus asked, “Do you finally believe? But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when you will be scattered, each one going his own way, leaving me alone. Yet I am not alone because the Father is with me.  I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:31-33 NLT

  Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments

• No Surprises

  Posted at 9:20 am by missannsays, on March 30, 2020

  No surprises had been my mantra for many years. As a mom, wife, small business owner, and church volunteer, I prided myself on being organized, prepared, in control of my life. Once a month, my firefighter husband and I sat with our calendars to coordinate life. I always ended that sit down with “No Surprises, let me know if it isn’t going to work, but no surprises.” Then September 11, 2001 happened.

  Almost nineteen years into a journey I never expected to be on, I am still not big on surprises – the unexpected. However I have learned a few things. God is never surprised. He can be trusted. He loves me. We don’t do life alone. We should always be kind to others and sometimes we need to be kind to ourselves – cut ourselves some slack. This current situation we find ourselves in is different than September 11 but if you don’t mind I would like to share a few thoughts to encourage you.

  The Memorial was busy with a gentle buzz of activity.  I noticed faces of visitors from many nations, heard softly spoken words, saw tears wiped from cheeks, selfies snapped and the sound of the south waterfall.  As we headed back to the 9/11 Tribute Museum, Stephen, a gentleman in every sense of the word, carried the bag containing the head sets. On this walking tour, I was the lead docent and Stephen was my support person.  He was new to the program and a little apprehensive but when he spoke of “his guys” you heard and saw his passion, his expertise. You saw the firefighter. 

  As we walked along Stephen said “We (FDNY) never called it Ground Zero.”  

  We stopped walking and I nodded in agreement. 

  Stephen continued “We called it the Pile and as we got lower we called it the Pit.”  

  The Pile I saw for myself on September 28, 2001. I remembered the Pit as a massive hole in the ground when I started volunteering at the 9/11 Tribute Center in 2006. 

  We continued walking and I said “And now it is the Plaza.” 

  He nodded in agreement. 

  Our conversation confirmed in my mind something I pondered for a while. This place and I were on parallel journeys since September 11, 2001. The World Trade Center which I had  visited twice before the attacks became a travel companion. We weathered the attacks, sorted through the debris (the Pile), filled the void (the Pit) and remembered and honored those we lost as we journeyed forward (the Plaza). 

  First there is the attack. The attack that sets your life in a direction you never expected – a pandemic,  a diagnosis, an accident, words spoken in haste, a job lost, betrayal, death of a loved one, a terrorist action. The event that shakes you to the core. 

  After the shock or maybe while you are still in shock in the aftermath of the attack there is a massive pile. A pile of stuff that needs to be dealt with – options for treatments, decisions about the everyday, paperwork to be completed, plans to be canceled or rearranged, funerals to be scheduled, keepsakes to be shared, memories to be cherished. Where do you start? The immediate replaces the important or maybe the important replaces the immediate.

  Eventually, maybe after days or months or even years the pile is gone, and you recognize there is a pit. A void left by what was taken, a hole left by finally sorting through the pile. Now what? How do you fill the hole to make it whole? How do you move forward now that the pile is gone or at least manageable? How do you move from the pit to the plaza? 

  “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” Robert Frost

  

  Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

• Living in NYC

  Posted at 12:45 pm by missannsays, on January 18, 2020

  I have lived in Brooklyn for over a year now. Mass transit isn’t as a big a mystery as it first was. Platforms where the train is on both sides still make my heart beat faster because finding something to lean against is tricky. Ordering coffee – black, no sweetener, leave room works in most establishments. Then I fix it myself. Sometimes I add half and half, other times I leave it black. What a medium is called does take a quick glance at their menu. However, the one thing that I still don’t have a handle on, the one question I can’t seem to get an answer to is how to navigate the homeless?

  My apologies if that sounded cold. But I really want to know what is the proper or right thing to do? Is the person sitting on the street a different etiquette than the person begging on the train? Is the male veteran different than the young woman? What about the person with the dog? In conversation with friends and family, I have heard don’t give to anyone, carry gift cards, carry granola bars.

  A few months ago I decided I had to come up with my own strategy. So this is my current plan – I go with my gut and a couple of my own guidelines. Since the MTA says not to give to people begging on the train, I don’t. But if you are a singer, musician or dancer and you entertained me for part of my ride, yes, I give you some cash. I don’t carry gift cards because that seems rather presumptuous of me. I do carry cash and try to remember to stick a couple of five dollar bills in my coat pocket so I don’t have to open my purse. But I still feel bad and overwhelmed by the number of people who are on the street. So I am asking the same question again, how do I navigate the homeless? What am I as a white, female living in NYC suppose to do?

  Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

• More than slogans

  Posted at 7:00 am by missannsays, on September 11, 2019

  Never forget

  On September 11, 2001, 19 terrorist highjacked 4 American passenger planes and flew them into the first and second tallest buildings in New York City, the Pentagon, and a field in Shanksville, PA. On that day 2977 people were murdered. Thousands of people saw things no one is ever supposed to see. We experienced the worst humanity and the best of humanity on that day.

  But also

  Always remember

  Since September 11, 2001, thousands of first responders, recovery workers, downtown residents and survivors have contracted 9/11 related illness. More NYPD officers have died since that fateful day of 9/11 related illness than died on September 11, 2001. The FDNY lost 343 on September 11 and have lost 200 since September 11. 

  We have waged a war on terror that has cost the lives of 7,000 American soldiers and sailors as well as 362 journalists, and 622 humanitarian/NGO workers. 

  It isn’t over. 

  Today, I pray for the families of those who died. I remember those who were ever changed by what they experienced either on that day, or during the recovery or because of their military service.  May our slogans and prayers be more than just words. 

  God bless America.

  Posted in respect in the real world, September 11, then & now, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

• A September 11 story

  Posted at 8:02 pm by missannsays, on September 10, 2019

  At the conclusion of my walking tours, I tell people that after September 11, 2001, I received hundreds of cards and that’s not an exaggeration. Cards that were addressed to the family of Firefighter Van Hine, Greenwood Lake, NY without even a zip code, let alone a street address. People found that information in their newspapers. Those cards included crayon drawings from five year olds, bookmarks made by teens, beaded bracelets strung by grandmas, promises of prayers, and messages of condolences. Each of those cards made a difference in my life. I offer words of encouragement to my tour guests that as they hear of devastating events in their nation or neighborhood caused by terrorist or tsunamis to do something because intentional acts of kindness make a difference. I am the recipient of that kind of kindness.

  Recently I received the following email:

  Dear Ann,
  My name is Kimberly H. I was five years old on 9/11 and begged my mom to let me mail a teddy bear to someone who had been affected by the attacks, and it ended up reaching you. You sent me a thank you card and stuffed animal the following Christmas. 
  I am traveling to NYC for my first time ever July 12-16 (leaving the morning of the 16th). I was wondering if it would be possible to arrange a walking tour of the memorial with you as my tour guide? I have held on to the card and stuffed dog you sent me over the years and reflect on your act of kindness often. It would be wonderful to meet you in person!
  I look forward to hearing from you.
  Kimberly H

  I was pleasantly surprised and responded with dates that I could lead a tour. Kimberly, her mom and two sisters joined a tour. I asked Kimberly’s permission to share her story as part of my acts of kindness story at the end of that tour and today in this post.

  In the days following September 11, 2001, Kimberly begged her mom to send someone a teddy bear. Her mom honored her daughter’s wish and contacted the Lamb’s Church of the Nazarene in NYC to see if they could help her get a bear to someone. Years earlier Kimberly’s mom had been part of a missions trip with Lamb’s Church. Pastor John Bowen forwarded that bear to me.

  In December 2001, I sent Kimberly a thank you note for the bear and sent her a stuffed dog. My note to her stated:

  Dearest Kimberly,

  Thank you for the beautiful picture you made. Pastor John Bowen sent me (& my daughters) your note and the very huggable bear that you had sent to the Lamb’s Church of the Nazarene. My husband was one of the firefighters that perished at the World Trade Center. We know he is with Jesus and God is so faithfully meeting our needs. Having a special teddy to hug has been a big help. Thank you in Jesus’ love, Ann Van Hine”

  

  In an email from Kimberly after we met she wrote:

  Ann,

  Thank you so much for getting us on your tour. It was wonderful to finally meet you and learn more about your story and Bruce’s life. 

  Thank you again for reaching out that Christmas of 2001, during a time that I’m sure was incredibly difficult for you. You taught a little girl that small acts of kindness do matter- even in the face of unspeakable tragedy. 
  I hope you enjoy the pictures!
  Kim

  I share this story because kindness makes a difference. Kimberly’s kindness to me caused me to express gratitude to her. She thinks I taught her something but it is Kimberly who taught me.

  Posted in kid stuff, September 11, Uncategorized | 6 Comments

• Teaching 9/11

  Posted at 12:34 pm by missannsays, on August 23, 2019

  Eighteen years out from the attacks many of this year’s college freshmen were born after September 11, 2001. 9/11 is in the history books but we lived it. Please take the time to share your story with the children and young people in your life. Of course being age appropriate and focusing on the way people helped people and what helped you.

  Through volunteering with the 911 Tribute Museum, I have spoken to many students. Some of them while standing in their classrooms, or via the internet, or when they visited the 911 Tribute Museum with their school or parents. It is always a joy to interact with students but it is an incredibly taunting experience. I want them to learn of the September 11 attacks, the rescue and rebuilding but I don’t want them to be afraid or to hate. I wish there was nothing to teach them.

  In the past couple of months, two families on my walking tour included children who had asked their parents to visit the Memorial Plaza. One was a nine year old girl from New Jersey who had read I Survived The Attacks Of September 11 by Lauren Tarshis. We had a lovely conversation after the tour about that book. I told her I had met a young man who had skipped school on September 11 and got a bigger adventure than he bargained for. Another was an eighth grader from the midwest who learned about 9/11 in school and asked if this year their family vacation could be to NYC instead of Disney World. Thank you kiddos for wanting to come and thank you parents for bringing them.

  There is also a disturbing thing that has happened in the past couple of months. Twice after telling my personal story in the 911 Tribute Museum galleries young men have approached me to engage in a conversation about conspiracy theories. I am glad they are thinking and questioning but know your sources. The internet is an amazing tool but let’s be careful out there.

  Below are some links to resources and other posts I have written about my experiences teaching. Any questions, please reach out to me via the comment section or FB Miss Ann Says page.

  https://missannsays.com/?s=channeling+Corrie+Ten+Boom

  https://missannsays.com/2016/10/24/2395/

  https://missannsays.com/2015/09/09/teaching-children-about-september-11-2001/

  Lesson plans for teachers:

  https://www.911day.org/lesson-plans

  https://teaching911.911tributemuseum.org

  https://www.911memorial.org/lesson-plans

  Books:

  https://www.scholastic.com/teachers/books/i-survived-the-attacks-of-september-11-2001-by-lauren-tarshis/

  https://www.commonsensemedia.org/lists/kids-books-about-911

  https://www.romper.com/p/8-childrens-books-about-september-11-to-educate-kids-about-the-tragedy-gently-11864777

  Documentaries – different pieces of the story:

  On September 11, 2019, You Are Here a Canadian documentary about the planes landing in Gander, Newfoundland will be shown all over the USA for the first and maybe only time. https://www.fathomevents.com/events/you-are-here

  Two interesting books on the Gander 9/11 story are:

  The Day the World Came to Town: 9/11 in Gander, Newfoundland by Jim DeFede.

  Channel of Peace: Stranded in Gander on 9/11 by Kevin Tuerff.

  Come from Away is a Broadway musical on the same subject. it is excellent.

  Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged 911 Tribute Museum, September 11, telling the next generation

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