Miss Ann Says

thoughts from everyday life
Miss Ann Says
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    • Posted at 9:26 am by missannsays, on September 15, 2015

      As I was leaving house to run errands before my haircut appointment, I realized that I might have time to drop a copy of Chicken Soup for the Soul Volunteerism and Giving Back at my friend JoAnne’s house. I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea. I hadn’t seen her in quite awhile but knew she would be excited about my published story. I grabbed a copy and smiled to myself as I thought oh, no, nothing like a little self promotion. Well at least I didn’t pick up a sharpie. My sister says “you should always carry a copy of the book and a sharpie.” I don’t think so. 🙂 Anyway, I completed the few errands in record time and still had time before my haircut appointment. What should I do? Get the car washed, run in the A&P quickly or drop the book off? Suddenly dropping the book off seemed a little out of my comfort zone. It seemed too much like self promotion. Hmm!  let me do a non-perishable grocery shopping. It seemed familiar but strange to be grocery shopping where I had always shopped when I had owned my studio. I got a cart and start picking up items I needed. What else do I need. Coffee! I turned left out of the aisle heading towards the coffee aisle and who is pushing a cart and heading towards me. JoAnne. Through the years I would run into mom’s of my students or former students but never JoAnne. I don’t know which of us was more surprised. We hugged. I told her about my story being published and how I had a copy in my car for her. She was thrilled. I smiled and was grateful that I had listened to that still small voice. 

      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments Read On →
    • One proud mama

      Posted at 7:18 pm by missannsays, on September 11, 2015

      I am extremely proud of both of my daughters. They have shown grace, courage, determination and compassion through our September 11 journey. I have full confidence that Bruce would be proud of them, too. I have my younger daughter’s permission to share her Facebook post from today. What makes me sad is in 3 years the same thing will be true for my older daughter. She will have lived as long with her Dad as without her Dad. 

      In the 14 years I knew you, I learned to always finish your plate, work hard, be prepared for the worst and hope for the best. I learned how to read a map, the difference between an oak and a maple tree, to enjoy the outdoors and always know where the nearest exit/fire extinguisher was. I don’t ever remember you being scared and I have lots of memories of you singing and telling stories/jokes. The smell of coffee in the morning and a good piece of crumb cake will always remind me of you. I watched you have compassion on strangers, offer a meal to a passing-through hiker and a helping hand with the neighbors. I loved how you could seemingly fix anything, though you were also a little accident prone (I believe you asked me on more than one occasion “don’t tell mom I broke [fill in the blank]”). You were my playmate, confidant, and hero but mostly just my dad. I’ve been dreading today- 14 years ago, I was 14 & had no idea how my life would change. I love you and am blessed to have had such a Godly example for a father. I am saddened that half my life has been without you but overjoyed to be able to teach your grandson many of the things you taught me. #remembering #FDNY #joycomesinthemorning

      One of my favorite photos taken in March 1990 on the occasion of Bruce’s FDNY swearing in.

       

      Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments
    • Random Updates

      Posted at 2:17 pm by missannsays, on September 10, 2015

      In April  of 2013  I submitted a mediation to The Upper Room for possible publication. Tomorrow it is the September 11th reading. It has been published in their September – October 2015 devotional booklet. They graciously asked me to submit a blog for tomorrow as well. The meditation will be available tomorrow at http://devotional.upperroom.org/ and the blog at http://devotional.upperroom.org/blog.

       

      I am speaking at Norwin Church of the Nazarene on Sunday September 13 at 10:40am. 110 Clay Pike
      North Huntingdon, PA 15642.

       

      chicken soup

       

      My story “Unexpected Blessings” is in Chicken Soup for the Soul Volunteering & Giving Back. My friend Sonia Agron also has a story in the same book.

       

      Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments | Tagged September 11, speaking, writing
    • Posted at 2:38 pm by missannsays, on September 7, 2015

      At the first anniversary there was a sense of needing to do the “right” thing, the appropriate thing, the expected thing. I am so grateful to a friend who said “do what you want to do” and we did. Meghan and I traveled to Quincy, MA to be with Emily who had just started her freshmen year of college. We attended chapel on campus, then drove down to the waterfront and sat and talked about Daddy (Bruce), we prayed, we cried and we wrote in our “things we would have told you” book – a recap of the year. Later, we ventured into Boston for lunch. I remember we stumbled upon numerous television crews at Nathaniel Hall and not knowing if we should laugh or cry, we kept our distance. We wanted to just be a mom and her daughters missing their dad/husband not 9/11 family members. There was something surreal about the day as there has been something surreal about so many days.

      As the years have passed the advice of that friend “to do what you want to do” has proven to be excellent advice. Some years I have taken part in local ceremonies in Greenwood Lake or Rochelle Park or attended unique opportunities like ringing the bell at the NASDAQ or the concert at the Beacon Theatre.  I don’t venture to the National September 11 Memorial ceremony because I don’t think I can take on the grief of all those people. We don’t always write in the “things we would have told you” book anymore. We aren’t necessarily physically together because one daughter lives in Seattle and the other in PA.

      This Friday will mark the 14th anniversary. I haven’t decided what I want to do this year. This year is a tricky year because my one daughter has now lived 14 years with her dad and 14 years without him and that breaks my heart. It seems harder this year because I have so many Tribute Center friends and I carry their stories as well. A few things that were true on the first anniversary are true on the 14th. I will talk to my daughters and I will tell them how very proud their Dad would be of them and I will remind them that he loved them so much. I will ask them to remember to pray for the other families, and the Squad 41 firefighters.  I will thank God for His faithfulness, my family and friends. And we will wish that we were just a mom and daughters missing their dad/husband who died in the line of duty and not 9/11 family members because a personal loss in the midst of a national tragedy adds so many layers.

       

      Memorial at TRCC, Milan, NY
      FDNY Memorial, NYC

      Memorial at Greenwood Lake, NY

      National September 11 Memorial
      last column bearing Squad 41 where they found Bruce’s body.

      Rochelle Park, NJ Memorial
      Albany,NY

      Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments | Tagged 9/11 Tribute Center, family, friendship, little things, September 11 Read On →
    • Forever Remembered

      Posted at 1:26 pm by missannsays, on September 5, 2015

      Sonia's avatarWelcome To My World

      There’s no way to avoid it.

      It happens every year.

      I think about other things

      But this day begins to appear.

      It happens very subtly,

      A song, a picture or two

      And then I begin to remember,

      A sky … oh so blue.

      You woke up that morning

      Said your goodbye’s

      Little did you know

      Hours later you would die

      I didn’t know your name

      Never met you in fact

      But you were with my friends

      That were there and never came back

      It’s been 14 years since last I enjoyed a blue sky

      It’s been 14 years since many of us  said goodbye

      I’d like to know that you’re okay

      Looking from above

      Knowing that you are truly missed

      By all those you love

      Forever Remembered

      tower-of-lights.jpg

      View original post

      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments
    • a new landscape

      Posted at 3:29 pm by missannsays, on July 25, 2015

      Grief-Quote-CS-LewisToday is a tricky day.(https://missannsays.com/2013/01/18/tricky-days/). Today would have been my husband’s 62nd birthday but it has been 13 years since he celebrated a birthday here on earth (https://missannsays.com/2012/09/10/r-bruce-van-hine/). Actually I surprised myself with a “good cry” this morning. The wondrous birth of my first grandchild back in April has made today harder than it has been in the past. Each year the number of things that Bruce has missed increases. I am grateful for the years we had and I am grateful for the life I have today but…

      C.S. Lewis says “Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape.” My life is a totally new landscape now.  And in many ways that isn’t a bad thing but it is a different thing.  Happy Birthday, Bruce. See you again…

      psalm 61

      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged family, little things, September 11
    • Appalachian Trail and Me

      Posted at 2:49 pm by missannsays, on July 18, 2015

      app%20trail%20map

      The Appalachian Trail and I have an interesting relationship. I am not a hiker. I have no desire to hike anywhere let alone the “A.T.” I will admit I enjoyed Bill Bryson’s book “A Walk in the Woods”. It was one of my husband’s favorite books.  My husband was a hiker and he enjoyed hiking the “A.T.”. Through the years I have played a role in making sure his car was where it needed to be so when he finished a day hike he could get home. Other times I dropped him off and at a set time picked him up. I have fed “through hikers” he brought home and welcomed strangers to take a shower and sleep in their tent in our yard. I purchased gallon zip lock bags so he could leave Bibles on the trail. And a few years ago I donated his trail guides to the National September 11 Museum and in June the Museum put his trail guide on display. Yesterday I had a telephone call from a Museum staff person telling me they had written a blog about Bruce’s story.

      https://www.911memorial.org/blog/new-view-firefighter%E2%80%99s-appalachian-trail-guidebook

       

       

      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged Appalachian Trail, Bill Bryson, family, little things, National September 11 Museum, September 11
    • Symmetry

      Posted at 4:12 pm by missannsays, on July 3, 2015

      Nature-Symmetry-4

      Symmetry is the word that popped into my head as I drove home from Quincy, MA. In the truest sense it probably isn’t the right word but in my mind it fit the bill. Let me explain…

      The voice on the other end of phone asked “I was wondering what your plans are for Kids’ Day?” ” Excuse me, Reverend Bergers I have no idea why you are asking me that question.” Reverend Jay Bergers was the director of our district church camp. At the time, I was the Sunday School Superintendent in my local church and had met him on several occasions during women’s retreat or family camp. My husband had worked alongside “Jay” clearing land at camp but why I was being asked about a district-wide event was a total mystery. At Reverend Bergers’ suggestion I called the district office.

      “You made my day” responded Reverend Ken Blish as I explained the confusing telephone call from Reverend Bergers. Obviously a breakdown in communication had happened and no one had informed me that I had been appointed District Children’s Ministries Director. “So how do you feel about that”   “Like I should pray about it” Well, to be honest I was stunned, confused, overwhelmed and not sure if I should laugh or cry. My husband was thrilled, supportive and encouraging. Thus began my stint as Children’s Ministries Coordinator for the Metro New York District Church of the Nazarene.

      And on Saturday as I checked name tags at the Eastern Field Children’s Bible Quiz at Eastern Nazarene College, a woman walked up to me, introduced herself and said “I think you know my father, Jay Bergers.” We had a lovely conversation. She explained to her spouse and teenage children how she knew me and how the 9/11 memorial at camp was for my husband. Later as I drove home the word symmetry popped into my head. Nineteen years ago a telephone call from Reverend Jay Bergers started it all and on Saturday at my last official act as Children’s Ministries Coordinator Reverend Bergers’ presence and influence was made known again.  A beginning and an end suddenly tied with a bow that only God could add.

      “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.” Hebrews 12: 1-2

      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged following Jesus, kid stuff, little things, respect
    • Travel Tuesdays S3E1- The Whitney

      Posted at 2:23 pm by missannsays, on June 23, 2015

       

      Yesterday friends and I visited The Whitney Museum of American Art at it’s new location in the Meatpacking District of Manhattan. Cool neighborhood. According to The Whitney’s website:

      “The Whitney Museum of American Art was borne out of sculptor Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney’s advocacy on behalf of living American artists. At the beginning of the twentieth century, artists with new ideas found it nearly impossible to exhibit or sell their work in the United States. Recognizing the obstacles these artists faced, Mrs. Whitney began purchasing and showing their work, thereby becoming the leading patron of American art from 1907 until her death in 1942.”

      Touring The Whitney was wonderful primarily because  whatever adventure these friends and I embark on is fun but secondarily because the guide/docent we had was excellent.  She (Paula) made me want to learn more about American art history. The way she explained various pieces was so informative but also insightful. She was obviously extremely well-informed but her passion for American art shone through. She made me think and wonder. The current exhibit is entitled “America Is Hard to See”.

      “The title, America Is Hard to See, comes from a poem by Robert Frost and a political documentary by Emile de Antonio. Metaphorically, the title seeks to celebrate the ever-changing perspectives of artists and their capacity to develop visual forms that respond to the culture of the United States. It also underscores the difficulty of neatly defining the country’s ethos and inhabitants, a challenge that lies at the heart of the Museum’s commitment to and continually evolving understanding of American art.”

      One of the most thought-provoking pieces for me was Fred Wilson’s Guarded View. It is four headless black mannequins dressed in museum guard uniforms. Paula’s comments about the piece truly made me think  – the guards in museums are guarding the art on view but they themselves are on view. However, we don’t see them. She challenged us to look around the room. Even in NYC one of the most culturally diverse places in the world most of the visitors were white and the guards were black. I have been thinking about this piece in light of current events. I have pondering what was written about the piece. I was struck by the fact that Fred Wilson was born the same year I was.

      IMG_1287

      IMG_1288

      I have a love/hate relationship with art and art museums in particular. Partly because I don’t always believe some of things we are “told” about the piece was why the artist did what they did. I mean maybe they just liked that color paint, or they didn’t have a smaller canvas or whatever. My “issues” with that stem from being a dancer and having people say “they got the piece”. Really?!?  because sometimes that music was used because it was the right length and it inspired me and not for any other reason. All that to say I am sometimes leery of explanations of art but I have to say yesterday I gained a better understanding of American art, my curiosity was piqued, I experienced the connection between art and culture and isn’t that what a museum is supposed to do. Thank you Paula and The Whitney Museum.

      To plan your visit go to http://whitney.org/

       






       

       

       

      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged museum, NYC, The Whitney, travel thoughts
    • channeling Corrie ten Boom

      Posted at 7:46 pm by missannsays, on June 15, 2015

      Last week I was privileged to share my September 11 story with a group of fifth graders in North Carolina. I was sitting in front of a laptop in the 9/11 Tribute Center conference room and they were sitting on the floor of their music room in their public school in North Carolina.  Just that experience alone is amazing. I mean think about I was in New York City and they were in North Carolina and we could see and hear each other in real time.  As I thought about it I realized that is only a few steps away from "beam me up, Scottie" Okay, it is probably many steps away from "beam me up Scottie" but it is still cool. This wasn't the first time I had participated in distance learning but it was the first time I was struck with wonder about the whole experience.

      The session started with Sarah, one of Tribute's educators, explaining the timeline of September 11, 2001 and showing the children age appropriate photos. Sarah introduced me. I commented to the students if we were together I would have sit on the floor, too but I have to have my head by the computer so I am sitting on a chair.  I proceeded to share my story after which the children were invited to ask questions. Little hands waved in the air and the teacher called on a child by name and then graciously repeated the question so Sarah or I could answer it. After 4 or 5 questions and answers, the teacher called on a child who we will call Kevin. Sarah and I could tell Kevin was speaking but we couldn't make out any of what he was saying. The teacher thanked Kevin and then turned towards the computer and asked us how we would respond. "We couldn't hear him."

      The teacher invited Kevin to come and stand in front of computer and repeat what he had said.  Kevin – "Thank you for telling us your story. I am sorry your husband died. You said you believe in God. I believe in God. My Dad is a pastor of a church. I don't know what I would do if my Dad died. I don't know what I would think about God."  In that moment I was totally humbled by the opportunity that had been placed before me. I paused and remembered the words of Corrie ten Boom and decided that I needed to share those words with Kevin. "Kevin, since you have told me that you believe in God I am going to speak to you as a fellow believer. I am going to tell you what I used to tell my daughters. Is that okay?" He nodded his head yes. "Kevin, if you go to the amusement park with your dad when does he give you the ticket for the roller coaster. He doesn't give you the ticket the week before, right?" Kevin nodded his head no. "He doesn't give it to you until you need it. Until you are ready to go on the roller coaster. If he gave to you too early you could lose it." Kevin nods his head yes. "Well, it is the same with God. He gives us what we need when we need it. Kevin, God can be trusted. We aren't always happy about how things turn out but I can guarantee you God will give you what you need when you need it. He will give you peace. He will help you through" Kevin – "Thank you." Me – "Thank you Kevin"

      To give credit where credit is due:

      Father sat down on the edge of the narrow bed. "Corrie," he began gently, "when you and I go to Amsterdam-when do I give you your ticket?"  I sniffed a few times, considering this.  "Why, just before we get on the train."  "Exactly. And our wise Father in heaven knows when we're going to need things, too. Don't run out ahead of Him, Corrie. When the time comes that some of us will have to die, you will look into your heart and find the strength you need-just in time.”
      ― Corrie ten Boom, The Hiding Place

       

      ** photo is from a publicity shoot 9/11 Tribute Center did a few years ago to promote education classes. Very few schools in the USA teach about September 11, 2001. 😦

      Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments | Tagged 9/11 Tribute Center, Corrie ten Boom, following Jesus, kid stuff, September 11, telling the next generation
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