Miss Ann Says

Monthly Archives: March 2012

• The Barn

  Posted at 1:30 pm by missannsays, on March 30, 2012

  

  That is not what the Barn looks like but that is what some people have imagined.  Actually it is an old barn down the street from the Barn.  My younger daughter has pretended to be stopping there to freak her friends out.  The Barn is a gift from God to our family. Today seemed like a good day to share the story of the Barn.

  It all started in the fall of 2003.  I began investigating purchasing a weekend home which was so out of the realm of anything I ever thought I would be doing that it was surreal. My daughters and I decided we wanted a weekend house not too far away and with “land”. My dad had said you want “land”. Okay i want “land” but wasn’t sure what else I wanted or should look for.  I spent many hours searching the internet for “close by and with land”. Oh and it should have “stories” not levels but real stories.  the house should have character not something so new that there was no history but not so old that there was a lot of work. Okay we want land,character,doesn’t need work and kind of close by. Believe it or not, I found a farmhouse that I thought fit that bizarre list.  My youngest daughter and I drove to Sullivan County to meet a realtor and visit the farmhouse. Well, the farmhouse wsn’t it but the realtor was it.

  And so began my adventure to finding the weekend house. I bought and read a book on how to buy a house.  Joanne, my realtor, and I visited all kinds of places.. No, that’s not it. No, that’s not it either. I wasn’t sure what it was but I sensed when I saw it I would know.  And then Joanne and I visited a converted barn with 14.6 acres of land.  I think this is it.  I am not totally sure what drew me to the Barn but I knew this is it.

   So began the next chapter, purchasing the weekend house.  I kept my “house book” close at hand. Made an offer, rejected, made a counter offer, house inspection, closing scheduled for April 1. My realtor, their realtor and I arrived for the walk through on March 31 and the house wasn’t empty. This was a weekend house for the sellers and no one had been here since May of 2003 so how can there still be food in the refrigator? I may know very little about purchasing a house but I do know this is not ready for sale.  And I also know that I am not closing on a house on April 1 – I don’t like April Fools jokes. So my lawyer gives them 30 days to get it together.  My daughters and I decide that if God wants us to have this house we will have this house.  And on May 5, I bought the Barn. I think it is funny that the closing didn’t happen on April Fools Day but it happened on Cinco de Mayo –  just makes me laugh.

  So we call our weekend house the Barn because it is a converted barn and saying I have a weekend house just isn’t who I am. I have learned many things about weekend home ownership – things about decks, mice, no phone lines, new wells and frozen pipes, septic systems and attic stairs. I have also learned about myself and even more importantly I have learned about God. I have many stories.

  I thought I would share one of those stories. One thing I knew I wanted at the Barn was a big farmhouse stlye table.  A table where many people could sit and eat and sit and talk and sit and play games.  The table would be the center piece of the room.  The Barn has a big table like that (photo at end). On Thanksgiving of 2010, both of my daughters and their guys, my sister and her family and my mum were all sitting around that table.  What a blessing! Thank you, Lord. I remember thinking I don’t know when I will have this again. Wow!! I love this all these people that I love around the table.  I thought I am so grateful and I am willing to wait with a thankful heart until I have it again.  And then I realized that God is willing to wait through all eternity to have all those He loves at one table. He loves us so much that He will wait.

  Guess what – this past New Years Day I had my girls and their guys, my sister and her family and my bestest friend and her hubby.  Another blessed time around the table at the Barn.

  PS. The “ladies from church” will be arriving in this afternoon for Ladies Time Out – a time of fun, food and fellowship, ladies just being girls. we usually hang out in our pjs and eat and laugh and sometimes cry.  God is so good.

  

  Posted in faith, memories | 0 Comments | Tagged little things

• What?!?

  Posted at 8:29 pm by missannsays, on March 25, 2012

  It was September 2007 and I remember the phone ringing and it being Jennifer Adams from the September 11 Families Association.  She was calling to give me a “heads up” about a story that would be appearing in the New York Times the next day.  A reporter from the New York Times had been working on a story about Tania Head and as he was verify various facts some things didn’t add up.  The story being released the next day would report that Tania Head was a fake.  What!?!   Her story of being in the south tower and being one of only 20 people to escape from above the impact zone  was a fake.  And not only being a survivor but also of having lost her finance in the north tower. Really !?!  I mean really – she made it up.  She had burns on her arm.  She was the head of the survivor network. She did the tours for the “bigwigs”.  I had stood next to this woman while leading tours for the Tribute Center and shared my very real personal story and she had lied. Wow!!!

  I was dumbfounded.  A friend said didn’t anyone check that her story was true. Well, why would someone lie about all of that.  Any of us who had a story would have been grateful to not have a story.  I felt betrayed but mostly I was heartbroken for those who had truly befriended her. I was heartbroken for the real survivors who had trusted her with their stories. I was also fearful of what would happen to the Tribute Center and the tours. It was a truly bizarre time.

  As this book about her is published (& the possible media frenzy that will follow), would you please join me in praying for her “friends” and all those who have real stories.  There is so much about September 11, 2001 that is unbelievable but that someone would fake a story – that is unimaginable.

  here is a link to the daily news story:

  http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/woman-explores-bizarre-tale-tania-head-article-1.1050614

  Posted in respect in the real world, September 11 | 3 Comments | Tagged September 11

• it’s the little things

  Posted at 4:08 pm by missannsays, on March 24, 2012

  It is the little things that God does in my life that make me smile and reminds me of His infinite love for me. Don’t get me wrong, He has taken care of some really “big” things in my life and I am humbled and awed. But for some reason that doesn’t surprise me because He is God.  He is able to do immeasurably more than I ask or imagine but it is when He does those little seemly unimportant things that I am reminded how very much He loves me. Today for example, I have plans this evening to meet with friends for pizza.  A few days ago, I had asked my friend what could I bring this evening and she had replied “chocolate.  A little chocolate is always nice.”  That is easy.  I have to be in the city on Friday so I will run in the chocolate store at the World Financial Center and pick up a few little goodies. Not!! The WFC is being remodeled and the chocolate store is closed.  Not to worry, I will come up with plan B. As a side note, there isn’t a grocery store in my town.  I have to drive 10 miles to the grocery store.  Well, I just didn’t feel like running out this morning so I thought there must be something I can make or worse comes to worse I will run in the grocery store when I head to the pizza gathering. So since I didn’t actually have anything that was “happening” today and wanted to be lazy I was still in my pajamas when the phone rang.  “Oh good you are home we are a few minutes away and want to stop by” This is a rare event because my house is not on the way to anywhere.  You can’t get there from here or get here from there – no seriously in the 28 years I have lived here “no one is just in the neighborhood”. I had a lovely visit with friends who I have been thinking about a lot lately but hadn’t had the opportunity to connect with.  Wow, so glad I was home. What a treat!  Speaking of treats I still needed a chocolate treat to bring this evening.  So I look on the internet for something chocolate that I can make with the supplies that I have on hand.  I don’t have the most well stocked pantry but this is where I got to see God’s provision.  I realized I had Nutella and I found a recipe that I thought maybe I would have all the ingredients for and I did.  It was amazing. I was struck by the realization that the creator of the universe is such a personal God that He cares about the smallest of details in my life. I am learning more and more that every single day God wants to reveal more of who He is to me and I need to slow down and let Him.

  FYI: I made Nutella bites – yummy.

  Recipe can be found at:http://stopnsmellthechocolates.blogspot.com/2009/10/would-you-like-chocolate-with-that_30.html

  Posted in faith, relationships | 1 Comment | Tagged following Jesus, friendship, little things

• Spring or is it??

  Posted at 6:16 pm by missannsays, on March 22, 2012

  Trees*

  I think that I shall never see A poem lovely as a tree. A tree whose hungry mouth is prest Against the sweet earth’s flowing breast;
  A tree that looks at God all day,         And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
  A tree that may in summer wear A nest of robins in her hair;
  Upon whose bosom snow has lain; Who intimately lives with rain.  Poems are made by fools like me, But only God can make a tree.        Joyce Kilmer

  I love living in an area of the country where we experience four seasons.  The beautiful colors of Spring, the long light filled days of Summer, the crisp colorful mornings of Autumn and the stillness of a good snowstorm in Winter. Today is a beautiful Spring day.  There is a blue sky with white puffy clouds and the colors of spring are breaking forth.  The pinks and whites of ornamental trees, the greens of the willow trees and the yellow of the forsythia paint a picture of life returning to the drab landscape after a long winter.  Except we didn’t have a long hard winter this year.  There is a sense that something is missing. A sense that we skipped a part of the seasonal story but also a sense that may not be a bad thing. I guess it is a sense of did we get off too easy, will there be a price to pay for not having a real winter, a waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Maybe it is a sense that this is too good to true – Spring without a real Winter.  I wonder does that actually happen. Well, in the meantime I am going to enjoy it. How about you?

  * My husband’s favorite poem.  Actually I think it is the only poem he ever read 🙂

  Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged little things

• what time is it?

  Posted at 8:42 pm by missannsays, on March 17, 2012

  I woke up at 3:30 this morning.  Well, it was 3:30 because I am in Seattle but it was 6:30 in New York.  Actually last week it would have been 5:30 since we hadn’t “sprung forward” yet.  No wonder my body is confused.  I find the concept of time to be fascinating.  An hour is always 60 minutes, and a day always has 24 hours but that can seem too long or too short or just right. When my daughters were young, there were days that were eternally long – would it ever be bedtime.  I remember one winter evening when my husband was on duty, bathing the girls early, eating dinner early and almost getting them in bed extra early.  My older daughter wasn’t old enough to tell time but she knew enough about time to know that the microwave reading “six – three – zero” wasn’t bedtime.  Oh silly mommy.  Of course in retrospect wasn’t that just yesterday.  Days may be long but the years are a blink of an eye.  I think of it this way when I was 5 years old one year was a fifth of my life but know that I am in my 50’s one year is a 50th of my life – no wonder it seems to go faster.

  At summer camp a few years ago I decided to go with the Wednesday schedule on Tuesday.  I didn’t think that was such a strange concept. At camp, Wednesdays were called “wacky wednesdays”- a day of silliness and water games but it was supposed to rain on Wednesday so at Tuesday staff meeting I announced it was Wacky Wednesday. Oh my that freaked a few counselors out.  I said “Wednesday was so wacky that it showed up on Tuesday”. A counselor asked if “we were allowed to do that”.  I thought and replied “God makes the sun rise and we can call it whatever we want”.  The bottom line is a I don’t control the sun rising and setting but I have a say in how I use each day.

  Time is an interesting concept.  It can be friend or foe.  I have often commented that the only thing that separates me from my deceased husband is time.  When I was diagnosed with breast cancer 4 years ago all I wanted was more time. When we are young, we want time to speed up so we can grow up but when we are older we want some days to slow down so we can savor the moments. One of my favorite sayings is “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift.”  Thank you Lord for this day – may I spend the hours wisely.

  Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments

• a few thoughts on friendship

  Posted at 7:17 pm by missannsays, on March 13, 2012

  

  My birthday was a couple of weeks ago and one of my friends gave me the plaque that is pictured above.  I laughed when I saw it and then found an appropriate place to display it.  I have been thinking a lot about friendship and decided to share a few random thoughts.

  • Friends are a gift and should be treasured.
  • There a many friends you can spend a few hours with.There are fewer friends that you can spend the whole day with and still fewer friends that you can spend a week with.
  • A friend is honest but not hurtful.
  • “The only way to have a friend is to be one.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • Friends multiply our joys and divide our sorrows.
  • “Gossip separates close friends.” Proverbs 16:28b
  • Sometimes you have to do what is best for the friendship not what is best for you or the other person.
  • “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”  John 15:13  When I had breast cancer, my friends “laid down” their lives for me.  They poured into my life in ways that were above and beyond.
  • Friends add different things to your life.  One isn’t necessarily better than the other. My FDNY widow friends understand things that not all of my friends can understand. We laugh about things that may seem inappropriate if you hadn’t walked in our shoes. My Tribute Center friends share an experience that is not easily understood and doesn’t have to be explained.
  • Not every friend needs to know or can be trusted with all the details of your life. An example would be Facebook friends. Social media is great but maybe you shouldn’t share that information with Facebook friends.
  • I think of friends as being in circles like a target or bullseye.  Some are closer to the center than others.  The inner circle is small.
  • Your friends have friends.  That doesn’t make them “less” of a friend to you.  Difficult concept for preteen girls.
  • Chatting with friends is great but friends who can be completely comfortable with  moments of silence are rare and few.

  I am truly blessed with wonderful friends. I have my inner “circle”, and my close circle and then all those other circles that compliment and enrich my life. When I was teaching dance I would always say “within the four walls of this studio, you are friends.  I don’t care what happens when you leave but within these walls we will treat each other as friends and friends are a gift.” Guess what some of those girls became friends with people they never thought they would be friends with.

   This is a little off topic but I have been pondering the mutual respect that everyone at the Tribute Center has for everyone else’s stories.  We share a common experience and in many ways that is all we have in common but we respect and value each other.  I have been thinking as human beings don’t we all share the common experience of life.  Shouldn’t we all respect and value each other simply because we are people on the journey of life.

  Posted in faith, memories, relationships | 2 Comments | Tagged friendship

• “said” this week

  Posted at 9:30 pm by missannsays, on March 9, 2012

  a few random things that I heard or read this week.

  funniest:  “so which button do I push to take a picture” said by my mom.  I got my mom a new cell phone because her first phone (that she never used to make a single call in 15 months) died.  The new phone has a camera. I mentioned  the phone has a camera but only showed her how to make a phone call.

  read before but makes me smile every time: “Stop tweeting weird SH!? and clean your apartment” – the billboard I see as I drive up the West side of Manhattan.

  what?!?: “bomb making is his hobby” heard on the radio.

   I totally agree:  “I figure fresh fruit covered in chocolate isn’t so bad for you!!” a Facebook message from a  friend who had sent me an edible arrangement.

  touched my heart: “Dear Ann, Thank you for being brave and telling us your story about September 11th.  I wish I was there to help your husband.  I learned a lot of lessons, like never to use the word hate.” a thank you note from a 5th grader

  gave me pause: “My dad was picked up by the police because they thought he was Muslim”  said to me by a high school student at the Tribute Center.

  broke my heart: “my lymph nodes were cancerous”  said to me by a friend.

  Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments

• Respect in the Real World – #3 – American flag

  Posted at 2:25 pm by missannsays, on March 6, 2012

  

  This is most disrespectful thing I have seen.  Tuesday is the day I run errands with my mom.  Our first stop today was her bank.  As I turned onto Franklin Turnpike, I noticed that the flags outside the municipal hall were flying at half-staff or is it half mast.  Anyway seeing flags like that always gives me pause.  As I turn into her bank I notice that the flag pole has a flag tied around it – really?!?  So I mention to the teller that there is a problem with the flag and someone should fix it because it is very disrespectful.  I run a couple of more errands and come back by the bank and the issue hasn’t been remedied.  I couldn’t believe it so while my mom was in the drug store I took a photo and posted it on Facebook and Twitter.  That was my “reaction” but I thought I should take “action”. So I decided I should go a step further to try to remedy this situation. I guess the part that seemed so outrageous to me was that less than half a block away the flag was flying at half-staff and a block away is the American Legion hall.  I thought what if some veteran notices it or the family of the person being honored by the flag at half-staff.  I went into the municipal hall and inquired about why the flags were at half-staff.  The former chief of police had died so it was to honor his memory and service.  I went into the bank and told them again about the flag and included that the flags next door were at half-staff. I was told the maintenance guy puts it up.  Actually I don’t care who puts it up, I understand the string broke but there is no reason for the flag to be tied to the flagpole.  Take it down, fold it up and take it inside. Fold it up and leave it by the door if you can’t get in the bank but don’t tie it to the flagpole.  It just shows total lack of respect.  The woman I spoke with did go right out and take the flag down.  But I guess my dismay is that someone would have such little respect for the American flag that they would tie it to the pole.  To be honest I have less problems with someone burning the flag than I do in what I saw today.  Someone who burns the flag at least understands that it stands for something that they don’t agree with.  But tieing the flag to the pole showed no understanding at all.

  Posted in respect in the real world | 0 Comments | Tagged respect

• an unexpected blessing

  Posted at 12:18 am by missannsays, on March 4, 2012

  When I opened that large manila envelope six and half years ago and read about an opportunity to volunteer with the September 11 Family Association as a docent, I had no idea what a blessing lay before me. I had no idea that six  years later I would have completed 250 public tours for the Tribute Center, numerous tours for family and friends and that Tribute Center tour would now be the official walking tour of the National September 11 Memorial. To be honest I had to look the word docent up in the dictionary.  Then I thought I am not even a member of the September 11 Family Association. I hadn’t joined any groups in the months and years after September 11.  I remember calling and saying I was interested in finding out more about these walking tours at the “site”.  I traveled into NYC for the first interview with Rachel and I was so nervous.  I knew nothing about lower Manhattan.  I knew nothing about the World Trade Center.  I had only been there twice in my whole life.  I barely knew the facts of September 11.   The “stomping ” ground of my youth  had always been from the Port Authority to Columbus Circle for auditions and dance classes. Or Greenwich Village for acting lessons.  But all of that was a lifetime ago. In recent years my trips into NYC had been to take my girls to the Rockefeller Center tree lighting or a Broadway show or the Bronx Zoo. This traveling into lower Manhattan was new and scary.   What was I thinking?

  Actually I know exactly what I was thinking.  The Tribute Center’s mission was “person to person” history and I knew I could do that.  I could tell my story/ Bruce’s story.  I had already told “our” story many times but that was in churches or at ladies groups. This was a whole new thing but I knew I had to try.  So I went to the training. I felt like I was going to throw up the whole time I was driving there.  I was sure I was in way over my head.  When I walked into the training Bruce’s captain was there.  Wow!! Thank you, Lord.  A nod from God. The training was going along nicely and then it was mentioned that you shouldn’t get political. Well, that was fine I am not political. And then a fellow trainee commented “you shouldn’t get too religious either”. Oh no, now I am going to have to say something.  I cautiously raised my hand and said that if we weren’t allowed to mention God I would respect that but if they wanted me to tell my story I had to mention God because God was my story. And I was told that if God was part of my story I could mention God.  Wow!!  A big nod from God.

  And now six and half years later, I tell my story. I say “That there are two things have gotten me through the last 10 years.  The first thing is my faith. God has gotten me through. And the second is the fact that my husband was a New York City firefighter. It was his job to go into those buildings. A job that he loved.”  I also say “That when I started doing tours, I only had my story and that was enough but now I know the story of my fellow docents –  other family members, survivors, fire responders, and rescue workers, who saw things no one should ever see. Downtown residents who couldn’t go home for weeks and even months. I believe the story of September 11 is a mosaic. That the stories are like little pieces of glass that lay next to each other to make the picture of what happened on September 11, 2001 –  hundreds of thousands of stories that come together to tell the story.”

  Being a docent has been an unexpected blessing for me and I love giving tours and I am awed by my fellow docents and everyone at Tribute – what an amazing group of people.  So on Monday I will talk to two school groups, lead the 1pm tour and then support 3 pm tour or to quote one of my fellow docents ” I will get my volunteer on”.  By the way, if you are ever in Manhattan stop by the Tribute Center,120 Liberty St and you may get unexpected blessing, too.

  Posted in memories, relationships, September 11 | 1 Comment | Tagged following Jesus, September 11, telling the next generation

• mind your own business

  Posted at 8:30 pm by missannsays, on March 2, 2012

  Just mind your own business.  Unfortunately this isn’t a new area of growth for me.  I have been learning or not learning this lesson for years.  Yes, I am in the remedial class of following Jesus. The problem is I like to be in control and I like to fix things and problem solve and  I furiously love my family and friends. So bring it on – I can come up with a plan or at least a few ideas. But that is the problem. Sometimes (probably most of the time) I am not the one who should fix it. I may be the one to come alongside to encourage or listen or pray but I am not supposed to be the “great fixer”.

  In Everything Belongs by Richard Rohr, he states: “We give answers too quickly, take away pain too easily, and quickly stimulate…In terms of soul work, we dare not get rid of the pain before we have learned what it has to teach us…These dark periods are good teachers. Religious energy is in the dark questions, seldom in the answers.  Answers are the way out, but that is not what we are here for. But when we look at the questions, we look for the opening to transformation. Fixing something doesn’t usually transform us.  We try to change events in order to avoid changing ourselves.  We must learn to stay with the pain of life, without answers, without conclusions and some days without meaning. That is the path, the perilous path of true prayer.”

  Years ago I worked as a kindergarten aide at a Christian School. As you may or may not  know tattling is a big annoyance to teachers of young children. The Kindergarten teacher was a wonderful woman of prayer and is a dear friend.  One day she announced that her pastor had spoken on the quintessential verse for kindergarteners. I Thessalonians 4:11 – “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands.”  Through the years I have quoted this verse to children at camp, church and even my own.  I preface it with “Did you know the Bible says to mind your own business”  Well, this week the Lord said it back to me. As my mind was whirling with possible solutions to a  “few different issues”,  I Thessalonians 4:11  had come to mind and then my daily reading from Jesus Calling was based on John 21:22.  The 21 chapter of the book of John is one of my favorites – Jesus makes breakfast for his disciples and the reinstatement of Peter – great stuff.  So I was so excited as I opened my Bible to this all familiar and loved story. And then I read verse 22   “Jesus answers, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” That was the 2 by 4 to my head.  God has a sense of humor.  He wants to make sure I got it so today the same message via Richard Rohr’s book.

  “Stay calm; mind your own business; do your own job. You’ve heard all this from us before, but a reminder never hurts.”  The Message

  Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment | Tagged following Jesus

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