Miss Ann Says

Category: relationships

• Valentine Roses

  Posted at 12:04 pm by missannsays, on February 14, 2018

  

   

  On the first Valentine’s Day after September 11, 2001, Bruce’s firehouse, Squad 41, sent me one dozen long stem red roses. They send a dozen roses to each of six widows from Squad 41. It was an amazing gesture.

  I cried because of their kindness.

  I also laughed because those were the first Valentine’s roses I ever received.

  For each of the twenty-one years we were married, I told Bruce “don’t buy me roses on Valentine’s Day. They are too expensive. The price is inflated. Buy me flowers any other day but not Valentine’s Day.”

  He did buy me flowers on random days.

  And I am grateful 🙂

   

   

  Posted in memories, relationships, September 11, Uncategorized | 0 Comments

• The first time we met

  Posted at 1:59 pm by missannsays, on May 2, 2015

  I know exactly the first time we met. It was Wednesday April 29, 2015 around 10:30 am. An early morning telephone call  jumped started my day. Thankfully I had filled the car with gas on Monday and visited the ATM machine on Tuesday so I was ready to go in short order.  A mental checklist helped me pack for a couple of days away, a quick shower, a group text requested prayer for your arrival and I was out the door in just about an hour. Coffee and oatmeal purchased at a drive through establishment, radio tuned to the news channel for traffic reports every ten minutes  and I was good to go. The journey to you was uneventful on my end. No real traffic, beautiful weather, smooth sailing, one pit spot for a restroom break. About 2.5 hours into the journey, the beeping sound on my Bluetooth  signaled a telephone call “ignore or accept”. The voice on the other end said “Mom” and the rest of the words I couldn’t really hear or understand – water break, drugs, how long, don’t know but I understood “would you pray?” So I prayed a prayer for wisdom for all  and then I  said “I am about 45 minutes away but feel free to start without me.”

  After a little wandering around and studying of signs, I found the family maternity unit.  The receptionist asked “may I help you?” I mentioned your mom’s name, a quick phone call informed me to wait in the waiting room. After a few minutes your dad appeared in the doorway. I thought he was ready to jump out of his skin he was so excited. A big hug, a few words and he returned to you and after a little more waiting  my phone rang. “Mom, you can come back. We are in room D for dog”. I proceeded down the hallway, entered the room,  pushed back the curtain and there was  your mom sitting up in bed looking no worse for wear. She was smiling from ear to ear even though I could tell tears of joy and relief were ready to burst forth. We hugged and held each other. Your dad was sitting in the reclining chair staring at your face. Your dad’s look was one of amazement, wonder and love. Your dad stood and placed you in my arms. I looked at you. Awe, wonder, hope, thankfulness, love –  yes, all of the above!

  

  Posted in daily life, relationships | 2 Comments | Tagged family, little things

• A Love Story

  Posted at 9:27 am by missannsays, on April 22, 2015

   

  Today would have been my parent’s wedding anniversary. My Dad died in November 2012. Actually, we lost my Dad much early due to a massive stroke in 2006.  My sister and I have discussed if we are the people we are “because of or in spite of” my parents. We have “played” pop psychologist analyzing and scrutinizing my parents’ relationship and personalities. During one of those conversations my sister commented “their story was truly a love story”. Wait! What! I wanted to ask didn’t she remember slammed doors, raised voices, less than stellar choices on many levels.. Their story wasn’t a fairy tale – American serviceman from Oklahoma meets young British woman during Korean war and they live happily ever after.  No that wasn’t it. Their life together wasn’t perfect or maybe even what they each expected it to be – 4 children, financial stress, mental health issues, miscarriages, moving a lot – Oklahoma, Utah, Arizona and finally New Jersey.*

  However just this week I realized my sister was right my parents’ story was a love story. Because after it was all said and done from April 22, 1953 until November 25, 2012.

  ” I, James, take thee, Margaret, to be my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.”

  I, Margaret, take thee, James, to be my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.”

  They kept their vows definitely not perfectly but they kept their vows and something bigger than words makes you keep those vows – love!

   Mom and Dad in Christmas 1988.

   

  *Years ago I realized that my parents did the best they could with the resources (financial, emotional, mental and spiritual) they had. There is a sense of freedom when you come to that point.

  Posted in daily life, memories, relationships | 0 Comments | Tagged family, little things, love story

• It’s not just about me

  Posted at 4:25 pm by missannsays, on September 22, 2014

  Over the last week or so I have had a similar conversation with different friends. They stumble through saying something like : “so does September 11 get easier?” “well, I know it doesn’t get easier but …”

  Personally I think  it has gotten harder because now September 11 isn’t just about “my personal loss in the midst of a national tragedy.” Last week I had a delightful lunch with 7 fellow docents and friends  – a mom who lost her son, a widow, three downtown residents, a firefighter and a Port Authority employee. I know their stories and struggles. I thought of them and others on September 11. They commented that this year was harder and they couldn’t understand why. I shared my theory that it was harder because we carry each other’s stories in our hearts.

  So does September 11 get easier with the passage of time:

  Yes, because I don’t worry about people’s expectations.

  No, because I realize how much Bruce has missed and how much I miss him.

  No, because it not  just about me and my family. It is about my Tribute friends and their stories.

  “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.”

  C. S. Lewis

  

  Posted in daily life, relationships, September 11 | 1 Comment | Tagged friendship, respect, September 11

• aha moment!!!

  Posted at 10:36 am by missannsays, on September 14, 2013

  http://t.co/Sws01nnNLP

  I have to share this story. I know some people wouldn’t agree with me and that is fine. Some people may not even get it and that is fine, too. But this morning I just witnessed the most amazing example of God’s love for me. An example of his fingerprints all over everything.

  As I checked my email, I had my daily 9/11 list server email. I subscribe to this post and most days I glance down the list is see if there is anything I should know. I may or may not click on an article or YouTube video. Some days I delete it without reading anything. It helps to keep me informed about all things September 11 including books, the National Museum, etc.. Today a YouTube video by New York City Ballet was included. I clicked on it, watched a beautiful piece that was performed on the roof of 4WTC at dawn. 1WTC is visible in the background. The music, the choreography, the dancers everything about it is fitting and appropriate as a September 11 tribute which it is. New York City Ballet presented this as a “gift of remembrance”. It is stunning.

  I posted it on twitter because I felt it was worth sharing. My twitter account is connected to my Facebook page. So then on Facebook I tagged a few dancers who I wanted to make sure saw it because I knew they would enjoy seeing it. And then a comment of Facebook brought me to tears. Good tears. The kind of tears that remind me how much I am loved by God. I actually had an aha moment!! I suddenly realized what a gift this video was. Let me explain. As you probably know my husband was one of he 343 firefighters killed on September 11. Thus my interest in “all things September 11”. You may or may not know that as a little girl I wanted to be a ballerina. Starting in my teens and through most of my adult life I taught ballet. I taught ballet and other forms of dance for 40 years. For 35 of those years a friend and I owned a dancing school. We retired two years ago and were able to “gift” the studio to a wonderful, talented young woman. I have known that young woman since she was a little girl. Actually I have also known her husband since he was a little boy. Her husband worked on building the building the dancers in the video are dancing on. So here are all these parts that came together in this one video – September 11, ballet, the building. But it was so much more than that. It is hard to explain but I had a moment of clarity where I understood the Bible story of Joseph and I understood “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done…”

  Social media connects us is marvelous ways. I believe God is constantly connecting us to each other and to Him. I am grateful and awed.

  Posted in daily life, faith, memories, relationships, September 11, then & now | 0 Comments | Tagged following Jesus, friendship, little things, September 11

• let’s do lunch

  Posted at 1:24 pm by missannsays, on August 26, 2013

  If you had peeked through the kitchen window, it would have looked like three women having lunch. And you would have been right but you would have missed all the other layers. There were three of us – myself, my neighbor and my sister-in-law. We were having a delicious lunch which was so generously supplied by my neighbor and served at my weekend house aka the Barn. But the luncheon was so much more than just lunch. It was a time for my sister-in-law, my neighbor and I to share our breast cancer stories. For my sister-in-law to encourage my neighbor who isn’t as far down the road as she is. It was a time for us to voice victories and concerns. A time to say “we hate all that pink stuff”. A time to remember how far we have come and how far some people still have to go. We laughed. We listened. We loved.

  And I was reminded that God doesn’t waste anything. All that you or I have experienced and learned along the way can help or encourage that person who is one step behind or across the street. Having lunch or maybe just holding the door open for that person who is one step behind is all that is needed. The bonus is you are encouraged, too. So who do you need to do lunch with? 🙂

  “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

  Posted in daily life, relationships | 1 Comment | Tagged cancer, friendship, little things

• Travel Tuesdays – S1E17 Japan

  Posted at 9:31 pm by missannsays, on August 13, 2013

  Japan wasn’t on my list of countries I wanted to visit. But after my recent trip to Japan, I would definitely go again (with a guide/interpreter) and would encourage you to go as well. My trip to Japan wasn’t vacation. It was conferences, meetings, photo ops, making connections by telling “our 9-11 stories”. Through my connection with the Tribute Center I was invited to be part of a “9-11 meets 3-11” trip. The trip was an amazing journey. It is a journey I am still processing.

  A few things I observed/learned from my 9 days in Japan.

  1. Japan is a beautiful country – clean modern cities and lush farm lands.

  2. Japan is a proud country – modern conveniences steeped with ancient traditions.

  3. Japan is a country that is still recovering from a devastating earthquake, tsunami and nuclear spill.

  4. I listen better when I don’t understand the language. I don’t speak or understand Japanese. But I found myself really tuning into the person who was speaking. Trying to read their body language, trying to read their heart, trying to see what their eyes were saying. And listening carefully to the translation. At the school for the deaf it was double translation Japanese and sign language.

  5. A “mom hug” can help. At one of the mental health centers, we meet a young American who has been teaching English as part of the JET program. He has been in Japan for two years. He arrived two months after the earthquake and has been teaching in one of the badly hit areas. As he was telling us what he has been doing and how he will be leaving soon, there was something that “wasn’t right”, something not being said. I was listening and chatting with him suddenly I said to him “Could I give you a mom hug?” At which point, he said “Yes, it has been a long time.” And then he burst into tears. I also started crying. It was a humbling experience that lead to conversation with not just a “mom” but he also spoke with a few “dads” in the group.

  6. I can read about an event. I can watch videos and see it on the news but being there makes it real. It was like ground zero or the devastation from Super Storm Sandy until I saw it with my own eyes I couldn’t believe it. In all three cases, it was worst than I could imagine. And how quickly we forget that people are still recovering, struggling and trying to establish a “new normal”.

  7. Lastly, God doesn’t waste anything. All of my experiences can be used to help someone else. I don’t have the answers. Most of the time I don’t even know the question but I have my story. And if my story can help someone else on this journey called life then I have to share it. I believe that is true for each and every one of us. And when in doubt of what it is the right thing to say, your presence, your smile or hug can say it all.

  Posted in daily life, faith, relationships, respect in the real world, Uncategorized | 2 Comments | Tagged little things, respect, September 11, travel

• heard recently

  Posted at 8:41 pm by missannsays, on June 10, 2013

  While having lunch with my mother in law at her assisted living residence:

  “Are those new residents?” “No, that is Hannah and a guest” – said of me and my mother in law.

  “Wow, she is tall. She must be 6 feet.” said of me when I stood up to leave the dining room.

  While attending a performance at the American Music Theater:

  Me to Meghan – “I think you are the youngest person here.” Meghan to me – “I think we both are the youngest people here.” side note – the show was very good and this was my Mother’s Day gift from my daughters.

  Text from my sister:

  “Mum killed her phone today! She dropped it in water. Long story!”

  A quote in a thank  you note I received:

  “Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.” J.R.R. Tolkien

  At Collyde Conference at Princeton Alliance Church:

  “We use imagination towards fear not love. Being terrified is about what might happen instead of imagining what God can do”  Makoto Fujimura

  “You are more able than you know and people are more ready than you expect.” Jonathan Golden

  “Only today is real, tomorrow doesn’t exist” Margaret Feinberg

  “One day, some day are safe words.” Margaret Feinberg

  “You can’t intentionally touch Jesus and not have something happen” Bonnie Gay

  “My calling is not tied to the things I do.” Joan Ball

  “Am I going to put my faith in God’s identity or in God’s activity?” Pete Wilson

  “If God doesn’t give us one more thing, we still owe him everything.” Pete Wilson

  on telephone with IRS after receiving a notice, being on hold for 27 minutes and explaining that they have cashed the check but maybe I owe penalties (long story):

  “The records show there is no balance due.” – IRS   “but you sent me a notice” – me   “call back at the end of week maybe you will owe something then.” – IRS    all righty then

  at Book club:

  ” In the summer there is more time to read so let’s read Anna Karenina.” not said by me – good news, I got it for 99 cents for my nook, bad news I needed to start reading yesterday….

  Posted in books, daily life, relationships | 0 Comments | Tagged following Jesus, little things

• “Happy” Mother’s Day

  Posted at 12:56 pm by missannsays, on May 10, 2013

  This past week the “ads” for Mother’s Day have been relentless. Every time I heard or saw an ad for teddy bears, flowers and jewelry, I thought of the women who this Mother’s Day will be hard. I thought of my cousins who are experiencing the first Mother’s Day without their mom. I thought of my friends who have lost their mothers this past year. I thought of the mommies of the children killed in Newtown and Boston. I thought of the moms of those who have died while serving our country. I thought of the young women trying to have children and it isn’t “happening.” I thought of the moms of children with serious illnesses. I thought of the children with moms with serious illnesses. And then I said a prayer. A prayer that they would find peace. A prayer that they could remember the hugs and love without too much pain. A prayer that they would know that there is a Heavenly Father that loves them, their children and their moms.

  Yesterday I had a lovely day out with friends. We are women who became friends because of our September 11 connection. One of my friends lost her only child on September 11. Another lost her youngest son on September 11. Still another lost her mom very recently. I was struck by it isn’t as simple as “making it through the first Mother’s Day since…” Mother’s Day will always be hard. So I pray that the good memories will outweigh the bad. That the loss will not overwhelm them. That there is someone around them to give a hug, a smile or an ear to listen. I pray that I can be that person to those I know.

  I am blessed and stressed that both my mum and mother-in-law are still alive. It is a challenge walking through these days but I wouldn’t trade it. Happy Mother’s Day to Mum Clark and Mom Van Hine. I love you 🙂

  Since I have aways worked with children, my daughters were accustom to “sharing me” whether it was at the studio, church or summer camp. There were times it was difficult for them to wait for me to be just their mom. They would even say “Miss Ann” when I didn’t respond to “MOM”. I would tell my girls that there are many children who call me “Miss Ann” but there are only two children in the whole world who call me “Mom”. I am very blessed.

  Posted in daily life, faith, memories, relationships | 4 Comments | Tagged following Jesus, friendship, kid stuff, little things, prayer, September 11

• Traveling Tuesdays – S1E6 – try something new

  Posted at 7:30 am by missannsays, on May 7, 2013

  In 2005, when my youngest daughter, Meghan, was graduating from high school, I wanted to do something special for her graduation and maybe incorporate that something special into “our family vacation.” We (Emily, Meghan and I) had tried to establish a “new kind” of family vacation after Bruce’s death. Our family vacations with Bruce had always been very special times. We didn’t have a lot of money but we did some great trips on the cheap. We had wonderful experiences and made priceless memories.

  So I asked my soon to be high school graduate “what would be your dream vacation?”. Meghan thought about and said “a dude ranch”. So I started planning a family vacation to a dude ranch. I investigated on-line and found the perfect place in Shell, Wyoming. In further discussion we decided to invite my very good friend, Carol, and her daughter, Jenna. The reasoning was that “mom needed someone to hang out with.” I asked Carol if she and Jenna would like to join us. I would finance the place, she would just have to pay their airfare and she said “yes”. Meghan was in shock. She never thought her “Auntie Carol” would say “yes”. I never doubted that Carol would say yes.

  We purchased our cowboy boots, our cowboy hats, our long sleeve shirts and our gloves. We purchased our airline tickets and packed our bags. We flew into Billings, Montana. I checked Montana off of my states to visit list. We spent the night in Billings and on Sunday drove to Shell, WY. The scenery was beautiful – wide open spaces, nothing, I mean nothing for miles and miles. Town signs announcing population 12 or 26. Amazing. The ranch was beautiful. The accommodations were great, the food was gourmet and the people who ran it were so gracious and kind. And I would visit there again but not to ride horses.

  This was a real working cattle ranch. They weren’t moving cattle around to give you something to do. They were moving cattle because that’s what they do. We had to help get the horses ready, then ride all day and truly move cattle. And I never laughed so hard in my entire laugh. It makes me laugh to think about it. The first day the wrangler had us ride around the ring so he could determine our riding skills. Meghan and Emily had taken riding lessons when they were younger. Carol had ridden as a child. Jenna was very athletic. So they all did well. And my riding skills were zero or lower. Did I mention I am afraid of horses? Well, maybe not afraid but definitely not comfortable with them. Horses are big and they can run fast and I am a chicken. As I rode around the ring, the wrangler commented “you wait and see by the end of the week, she will be good at this.” And my “family” commented “probably not!!!” The wrangler tried me on a new horse everyday. My first horse’s name was Cheetah but I kept calling him Cheyenne. Cheetah didn’t sound like a horse to me. Meghan would just shake her head. When I would see the baby cattle, I would think they are so cute I am never eating beef again. But when the bull would stand across the path and the cattle won’t move pass him, I would think give me a steak. Cattle are not very bright. They are noisy and it is hard to move them around.

  By mid afternoon on our first full day of riding, I asked the wranglers if they could just throw my body across the horse like you see the movies. The head wrangler said “remember I told you not to believe anything cowboys do in movies.” Oh, my!!! I hurt in places, I didn’t know you could hurt. I was really, really bad at horseback riding and herding cattle. But you know what I did it and I will never do it again but I tried. And I have used parts of this story to encourage many a child to “try something new” because you have nothing to lose. You may have a great experience and find something new you enjoy doing or you may never do that again but at least you tried. Or you may just get to spend time with people you love and laugh harder than you had laughed in a long time.

  http://thehideout.com this is where we went. They have a very professionally done video.

  Posted in memories, relationships | 0 Comments | Tagged friendship, little things, travel thoughts

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