Miss Ann Says

Author Archives: missannsays

• my pandemic plan

  Posted at 3:41 pm by missannsays, on August 6, 2020

  Who knew? Was I not paying attention? How did it go from an annoying drip to a tsunami? Now isn’t a new normal, its plan B or maybe C actually could be plan D and I think plan E is around the corner. I left New York City on Thursday March 12 after visiting The Edge observation deck at Hudson Yards with friends. We ate lunch and then I drove to my Cabin in PA.

  By then, my plans for a week long trip to Italy later in the month were already canceled. I was washing my hands more, constantly using hand santizer and not hugging friends. Since the writers conference I was attending in NC was still a go but I wasn’t getting on a plane, I mapped out a route to drive, booked hotel rooms and made reservations to visit the Biltmore. However by Friday afternoon March 13, I canceled all those plans as well.

  My daughters and I discussed whether it was better for me to be in NYC apartment or a Cabin in PA or with my daughter and grandkids. NYC would offer better access to medical care but being in the city was problematic. I felt staying with my daughter and grandkids would be interfering too much in their lives. We decided I would stay at the Cabin. “Promise me if you get sick you won’t wait too long to get help.” Promise.

  Then further discussion as things started shutting down and my daughter and son-in-law were essential workers but there was no childcare for their young children. Three days a week until my daughter was done with school I would be the childcare provider – Mom-mom’s Preschool. The rest of the week I would stay at the Cabin. “Are you sure? If you get sick, it will be because of me.” I am sure. So Monday afternoon to Thursday afternoon I stayed at my daughter’s and watched my grandkids. It was crazy, chaotic and wonderful. Different days, different themes – bugs, transportation, dinosaurs. The floor of the bedroom was for circle time, the kitchen island was the science lab, the dining room table was for counting and writing. When it got even just a little warmer, we went outside but only in the yard or on the deck. “No, we can’t go to the playground because of the big germs.”

  Driving to my daughter’s one day I noticed an eighteen wheeler pulled over on basically what could be Main Street USA with an ambulance parked next to it. Lights flashing, truck driver slumped in the front seat, EMS person masked up, surreal like out of a movie. Then seeing the photos of the mass graves. This can’t be happening. Images I won’t forget.

  Nightly listening to the Governor of New York’s press conference before going to sleep. Touching base with friends and family via Zoom, text, calls or cards. Mailing jigsaw puzzles to friends. Stopping at the same gas station every week. Pumping my own gas not something this Jersey girl turned New Yorker turned Pennsylvanian visitor was used to. Let alone while wearing a facemark and garden gloves. Church online usually more than one type of service. Trinity Wall Street’s service helped me feel connected to the city, connected to the neighborhood I volunteer in, connected to my Episcopal roots, connected to something bigger than just this time or just me.

  Now it is August and in some ways it looks much like the past five months expect not quite as scary at least for me. I order groceries for pick up, order other stuff for delivery, I stay at the Cabin. If I go out I wear a mask and social distance. I try to stay informed and still reach out to friends. I have stayed healthy. My daughters, son-in-laws and grandkids have stayed healthy. I am grateful. Unsure of much but grateful.

  “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

  Philippians 4: 4- 9 NIV

  “Be cheerful with joyous celebration in every season of life. Let joy overflow, for you are united with the Anointed One! Let gentleness be seen in every relationship, for our Lord is ever near. Don’t be pulled in different directions or worried about a thing. Be saturated in prayer throughout each day, offering your faith-filled requests before God with overflowing gratitude. Tell him every detail of your life, then God’s wonderful peace that transcends human understanding, will make the answers known to you through Jesus Christ. So keep your thoughts continually fixed on all that is authentic and real, honorable and admirable, beautiful and respectful, pure and holy, merciful and kind. And fasten your thoughts on every glorious work of God, praising him always. Follow the example of all that we have imparted to you and the God of peace will be with you in all things.”

  Philippians 4:4-9 TPT

  Posted in daily life, memories, relationships | 0 Comments

• Today

  Posted at 3:58 pm by missannsays, on June 14, 2020

  Forty years ago today, June 14, 1980, I was married to Bruce Van Hine. We had a smallish wedding in a little white church in New Milford, NJ. We were married in the morning because I knew if we had afternoon ceremony, Bruce would schedule a tree job and probably arrive late. I dressed in my tea length wedding gown at my parent’s house where I still lived. My Dad and I traveled to the church in a Rolls Royce, supplied as a perk from the reception venue. My Dad walked me down the aisle. My bestest friend, Carol, was my maid of honor. My baby sister, my two cousins and my niece were my bridesmaids. Bruce and I knelt at the altar, received communion and as Pastor Charlie prayed I knew if I had opened my eyes to peek I would have seen Jesus’ feet standing behind us. The church bells rang out as we exited through a shower of rice. Photos were taken at a park and are cherished to this day. Sidenote: make sure people take off their sunglasses before photos.

  The reception was a delicious brunch at a lovely place in Wyckoff. Afterwards my Mum and Dad hosted a small gathering at my childhood home. I remember Bruce and I sitting on my bed opening cards. I remember Tony telling me that while I was on my honeymoon he was going to ask Carol to marry him. He knew she would want me to know. We went to Bruce’s parents’ home for another celebration and to pick up his suitcase before heading to the airport hotel. That didn’t go as smoothly as I had imagined as he hadn’t finished packing. I wasn’t pleased. I reminded him I had planned the wedding, had my annual recital the week before and all he had to do was pack and plan the honeymoon. His sister was able to include some silly sayings and items since the suitcase hadn’t been secured. We enjoyed a week in St Thomas and returned to start real life together.

  We experienced joys and sorrows. We grew as people and a couple. He was my biggest supporter and cheerleader. To be honest I don’t think much about what could’ve been. I can’t imagine because today would be different in every way if he hadn’t died in the line of duty. But I do know on the morning of September 11, 2001 that our life was good. We were in a good place and looking forward to the future. We were happy. I have no regrets.

  Many times through our time together I would say to Bruce:

  Don’t walk behind me I may not lead.

  Don’t walk in front of me I may not follow.

  Just walk beside me and be my friend. Albert Camus

  Thanks, Bruce for being my friend. Thank you for the life we shared and the life you provided for me now. I love you.

  

  Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

• Another Memorial Day

  Posted at 10:44 am by missannsays, on May 25, 2020

  This post was originally written for Laced With Grace June 2018. I thought it was appropriate to share here today – Memorial Day 2020

  This past weekend, I had the privilege of attending my friend’s aunt’s funeral in Arlington National Cemetery. “Aunt Jeanette” aka “The Colonial” had died months ago but a full military funeral didn’t happen until a few days ago. For me any visit to Arlington National Cemetery is overwhelming. The sheer number of graves is staggering. To ponder how men and women have served our country through the centuries is awe-inspiring. To be there this weekend and see a small American flag by each tombstone was sobering.

  The funeral began with a Catholic Mass in the Old Post Chapel, a beautiful small white steepled church with impressive stained-glass windows. It continued as we drove slowly behind horse-drawn wagon carrying a flag-draped casket to the grave site as an army band kept time. The chaplain now in his military uniform with a chest full of medals instead of his priestly garb offered further words of comfort. Rifles fired in a twenty-one-gun salute, an American flag was expertly folded and handed to my friend “on the behalf of a grateful nation” and then a lone bugler played taps. There were centuries of tradition, respect and remembrance in every aspect of the ceremony.

  ^” Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13 NIV

  Being at Arlington reminded me that many have died for the freedoms I enjoy. I recognized those freedoms were bought at a high price and I am grateful. I was also struck by the realization that only One could and did pay the price for my sins and for that I am eternally grateful.

  “But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:16-18 NIV

  I liked the way those same verses were paraphrased in The Message.

  ^” Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We’re free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so, we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.” 2 Corinthians 3:16-18 The Message

  “But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. ²³ For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 6:22-23 NIV

  

  Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments

• Tricky days

  Posted at 9:29 am by missannsays, on April 11, 2020

  Tricky days are what my daughters and I called holidays and special occasions after Bruce’s death. Days that were once full of activity but now there was an empty chair or no need to purchase a Father’s Day or Birthday card. Currently even without the loss of a loved one we are experiencing tricky days as we navigate this pandemic. Our seasonal celebrations can’t be celebrated in a business as usual fashion. So do we throw it all out, just skip it, or do we regroup and find a way to make those celebrations morph into an appropriate remembrance of why we would normally gather and feast.

  At the beginning of October 2001 my mother-in-law sheepishly asked, “What is happening for Thanksgiving?”  

  “It’s a Van Hine year. We were planning on coming to you. Only thing is we have to bring Buster.” (Buster was our rather large dog who considered himself a lap dog.)

  “Oh, that is fine.”

  When Bruce and I were dating and our first few years of marriage, we ate two Thanksgiving dinners – one at the Clark’s and one at the Van Hine’s. Eventually we got smarter and alternated years. Odd numbered years were Van Hine and even numbered years were Clark’s. The great thing about this was I never had to cook a Thanksgiving meal until recently.  

  My Mother-in-law always had a full house for Thanksgiving. She was wonderful cook and hostess. She had the amazing ability of finding those who needed a place to go. We were a little worried that there may be a house full for Thanksgiving 2001, but she only invited three of her lady friends. And for some reason that I can’t really even articulate they reminded me of the three fairies in Sleeping Beauty –Flora, Fauna and Merryweahter. 

  The girls and I had set the dining room table earlier in the day. Appetizers were arranged on the coffee table. Beverage offerings were in the kitchen. As my mother-in-law prepared the last bits of food for the meal, Emily, Meghan and I made polite conversation with her friends. Eventually one of the women, who I had the impression had been named the spokesperson, offered words of condolence and the elephant in the room was now named and was no longer lurking about. Thank you, Jesus. 

  As Christmas 2001 approached the question asked by many was “so what are you doing about Christmas?” What??  At first, I thought people were asking “what was I doing for Christmas?” but then I realized they were asking “are you celebrating Christmas?” My reply was “No matter what Jesus was born and that is always worth celebrating.” 

  What I learned about tricky days is if possible hold onto traditions, they may give you solid ground at a wobbly time. Also name the elephant in the room – loss, anger, disappointment, etc. Naming it seems to let everyone breath. Have a plan. It won’t be plan A but plan B or C could surprise you with moments of laughter and/or peace. Let’s not forget that these are extraordinary times. We have never done a pandemic before so except for staying home there is no right way to do it. So my advise would be just do it.

  “for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:11b-14 NIV

  On another note: my heart aches for the young people that will miss so many rites of passage – prom, graduation, etc. My hope is those occasions can still be celebrated in a meaningful way. The students accomplishment can be acknowledged and they can be given a special day even though it won’t look like they thought it would look. I pray the students can acknowledge what was lost but can rejoice in their accomplishments and look forward with hope to the future.

  Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

• Matzah Moment

  Posted at 9:38 am by missannsays, on April 6, 2020

  On Saturday, I made matzah. Your right that seems a little strange for me. I don’t cook or bake a lot, I am not Jewish and really why would I need to bake unleavened bread during a pandemic. Let me explain. A friend posted on FB that she had baked matzah. Side note: matzah, matzo, matza are all correct spellings. Knowing that online church was having Communion on Sunday (Palm Sunday), I thought I am going to make matzah. The ingredients are simple – flour, kosher salt and water. I decided to half the recipe because I only needed one little piece. The extra would be good with peanut butter. The recipe called for a pasta machine or rolling the dough very thin. I don’t own a pasta machine so in the back of the cupboard I found my rolling pin. I combined the ingredients and then…

  It is hard to explain but there was a moment when I had this overwhelming sense of being connected to all of time. The realization that all over the world for centuries people have made matzah gave me this feeling of being rooted in something so much bigger than myself. It was humbling. And comforting. And so much more.

  The matzah turned out okay. It is tricky to bake. You have to be very present. Watching. Turning. Watching. If you had seen my kitchen and the fruits of my labor you would have thought epic fail. All I can say is wow.

  “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,  may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

  Ephesians 3:14-21 NIV

  Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

• Chippie & Our Current Crisis

  Posted at 9:34 am by missannsays, on April 3, 2020

  One of my past roles was directing a week long sleep away camp for children grades 1 – 6, basically seven to twelve year olds. The counselors were mostly young adults with a few parents, teenagers and seniors added to the mix. Did I mention we were all volunteers? If you have ever worked or volunteered at camp, you know there are magical moments with an equal number of bang your head against the wall or a tree moments. At some point in the morning staff meeting, I would share Chippie’s story as an encouragement.

  “CHIPPIE THE PARAKEET NEVER saw it coming. One second he was peacefully perched in his cage. The next he was sucked in, washed up, and blown over. The problems began when Chippie’s owner decided to clean Chippie’s cage with a vacuum cleaner. She removed the attachment from the end of the hose and stuck it in the cage. The phone rang, and she turned to pick it up. She’d barely said ‘hello’ when ‘sssopp!’ Chippie got sucked in.

  “The bird owner gasped, put down the phone, turned off the vacuum, and opened the bag. There was Chippie– still alive, but stunned. Since the bird was covered with dust and soot, she grabbed him and raced to the bathroom, turned on the faucet, and held Chippie under the running water. Then, realizing that Chippie was soaked and shivering, she did what any compassionate bird owner would do . . she reached for the hair dryer and blasted the pet with hot air.

  “Poor Chippie never knew what hit him.

  “A few days after the trauma, the reporter who’d initially written about the event contacted Chippie’s owner to see how the bird was recovering. ‘Well,’ she replied, ‘Chippie doesn’t sing much anymorc he just sits and stares.’

  “It’s hard not to see why. Sucked in, washed up, and blown over . . . that’s enough to steal the song from the stoutest heart.”

  Many times the same camper that cried on the first day that they didn’t want to stay, cried on the last day they didn’t want to leave. Counselors were equally exhausted and blessed. The last day usually included a t-shirt signing party. My autograph was “Be there. Miss Ann.”

  In our current state of affairs, I want to encourage you to be there for your family, friends and neighbors. Not physically there but there in the ways that really matter. Don’t lose your song. Each of us have a part play so don’t sit there stunned. A little pity partly is okay but then sing. You don’t have to sing a happy song you can sing a lament but sing. As a follower of Jesus, I am a believer in eternal life so I will also add when eternity comes “Be There.”

  “Jesus asked, “Do you finally believe? But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when you will be scattered, each one going his own way, leaving me alone. Yet I am not alone because the Father is with me.  I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:31-33 NLT

  Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments

• No Surprises

  Posted at 9:20 am by missannsays, on March 30, 2020

  No surprises had been my mantra for many years. As a mom, wife, small business owner, and church volunteer, I prided myself on being organized, prepared, in control of my life. Once a month, my firefighter husband and I sat with our calendars to coordinate life. I always ended that sit down with “No Surprises, let me know if it isn’t going to work, but no surprises.” Then September 11, 2001 happened.

  Almost nineteen years into a journey I never expected to be on, I am still not big on surprises – the unexpected. However I have learned a few things. God is never surprised. He can be trusted. He loves me. We don’t do life alone. We should always be kind to others and sometimes we need to be kind to ourselves – cut ourselves some slack. This current situation we find ourselves in is different than September 11 but if you don’t mind I would like to share a few thoughts to encourage you.

  The Memorial was busy with a gentle buzz of activity.  I noticed faces of visitors from many nations, heard softly spoken words, saw tears wiped from cheeks, selfies snapped and the sound of the south waterfall.  As we headed back to the 9/11 Tribute Museum, Stephen, a gentleman in every sense of the word, carried the bag containing the head sets. On this walking tour, I was the lead docent and Stephen was my support person.  He was new to the program and a little apprehensive but when he spoke of “his guys” you heard and saw his passion, his expertise. You saw the firefighter. 

  As we walked along Stephen said “We (FDNY) never called it Ground Zero.”  

  We stopped walking and I nodded in agreement. 

  Stephen continued “We called it the Pile and as we got lower we called it the Pit.”  

  The Pile I saw for myself on September 28, 2001. I remembered the Pit as a massive hole in the ground when I started volunteering at the 9/11 Tribute Center in 2006. 

  We continued walking and I said “And now it is the Plaza.” 

  He nodded in agreement. 

  Our conversation confirmed in my mind something I pondered for a while. This place and I were on parallel journeys since September 11, 2001. The World Trade Center which I had  visited twice before the attacks became a travel companion. We weathered the attacks, sorted through the debris (the Pile), filled the void (the Pit) and remembered and honored those we lost as we journeyed forward (the Plaza). 

  First there is the attack. The attack that sets your life in a direction you never expected – a pandemic,  a diagnosis, an accident, words spoken in haste, a job lost, betrayal, death of a loved one, a terrorist action. The event that shakes you to the core. 

  After the shock or maybe while you are still in shock in the aftermath of the attack there is a massive pile. A pile of stuff that needs to be dealt with – options for treatments, decisions about the everyday, paperwork to be completed, plans to be canceled or rearranged, funerals to be scheduled, keepsakes to be shared, memories to be cherished. Where do you start? The immediate replaces the important or maybe the important replaces the immediate.

  Eventually, maybe after days or months or even years the pile is gone, and you recognize there is a pit. A void left by what was taken, a hole left by finally sorting through the pile. Now what? How do you fill the hole to make it whole? How do you move forward now that the pile is gone or at least manageable? How do you move from the pit to the plaza? 

  “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” Robert Frost

  

  Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

• Puzzles

  Posted at 6:34 pm by missannsays, on March 17, 2020

  Assembling a jigsaw puzzle while watching television is a relaxing pastime for me. Many times I will post my progress on the current puzzle on FB. A few days ago I started work on a circular puzzle depicting the women and one man who were instrumental in securing voting rights for women.

  At first the puzzle seemed daunting. As I examined the pieces I realized just like with square or rectangle shaped puzzles, there were flat edges. I am a build the frame then fill in puzzle builder. First, I sorted the edges from the other pieces. Then I sorted all the pieces that had words or numbers into two categories – the inside circle or the outside circle. I also sorted the pieces for the center, they were easy to distinguish from other pieces. Thankfully this puzzle came with a terrific poster so I didn’t have to keep looking at the box lid.

  After I assembled the outside frame, I assembled the inner and outer rings of names and dates. Constantly checking the poster aka cheat sheet. Now how to continue? That’s when I had an aha moment. I could look at each person as an individual puzzle and then put them together to make the whole. That was far less daunting than trying to figure out where this piece or that piece when.

  Then another aha moment, each of these people doing their part resulted in women getting the vote. Yes, it took too long but they did it. Together. And believe or not I had another aha moment, each of us doing our part during this coronavirus crisis – social distancing, washing our hands, staying home, and caring for our neighbor will help the whole.

  Finishing a jigsaw puzzle is fun and gives me a sense of accomplishment. It is discouraging when I finish and there is a piece missing. I had all the pieces for my women’s vote puzzle. I hope and pray we have all the pieces for the coronavirus puzzle.

  Take care. Be well.

  

  

  

  Posted in daily life, relationships | 0 Comments

• Living in NYC

  Posted at 12:45 pm by missannsays, on January 18, 2020

  I have lived in Brooklyn for over a year now. Mass transit isn’t as a big a mystery as it first was. Platforms where the train is on both sides still make my heart beat faster because finding something to lean against is tricky. Ordering coffee – black, no sweetener, leave room works in most establishments. Then I fix it myself. Sometimes I add half and half, other times I leave it black. What a medium is called does take a quick glance at their menu. However, the one thing that I still don’t have a handle on, the one question I can’t seem to get an answer to is how to navigate the homeless?

  My apologies if that sounded cold. But I really want to know what is the proper or right thing to do? Is the person sitting on the street a different etiquette than the person begging on the train? Is the male veteran different than the young woman? What about the person with the dog? In conversation with friends and family, I have heard don’t give to anyone, carry gift cards, carry granola bars.

  A few months ago I decided I had to come up with my own strategy. So this is my current plan – I go with my gut and a couple of my own guidelines. Since the MTA says not to give to people begging on the train, I don’t. But if you are a singer, musician or dancer and you entertained me for part of my ride, yes, I give you some cash. I don’t carry gift cards because that seems rather presumptuous of me. I do carry cash and try to remember to stick a couple of five dollar bills in my coat pocket so I don’t have to open my purse. But I still feel bad and overwhelmed by the number of people who are on the street. So I am asking the same question again, how do I navigate the homeless? What am I as a white, female living in NYC suppose to do?

  Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

• More than slogans

  Posted at 7:00 am by missannsays, on September 11, 2019

  Never forget

  On September 11, 2001, 19 terrorist highjacked 4 American passenger planes and flew them into the first and second tallest buildings in New York City, the Pentagon, and a field in Shanksville, PA. On that day 2977 people were murdered. Thousands of people saw things no one is ever supposed to see. We experienced the worst humanity and the best of humanity on that day.

  But also

  Always remember

  Since September 11, 2001, thousands of first responders, recovery workers, downtown residents and survivors have contracted 9/11 related illness. More NYPD officers have died since that fateful day of 9/11 related illness than died on September 11, 2001. The FDNY lost 343 on September 11 and have lost 200 since September 11. 

  We have waged a war on terror that has cost the lives of 7,000 American soldiers and sailors as well as 362 journalists, and 622 humanitarian/NGO workers. 

  It isn’t over. 

  Today, I pray for the families of those who died. I remember those who were ever changed by what they experienced either on that day, or during the recovery or because of their military service.  May our slogans and prayers be more than just words. 

  God bless America.

  Posted in respect in the real world, September 11, then & now, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

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