Miss Ann Says

thoughts from everyday life
Miss Ann Says
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  • Category: respect in the real world

    • a duh??? email from National September 11 Memorial

      Posted at 6:38 pm by missannsays, on May 5, 2013

      Today I received the following email from the National September 11 Memorial:

      “Thank you for visiting the National September 11 Memorial and helping to keep our collective promise to honor, remember, and reunite.

      You can support the continued care of the Memorial by making a donation. Please visit our online Museum shop to explore a variety of unique and special keepsakes, books, and accessories. All net proceeds from our sales support sustaining and developing the 9/11 Memorial and Museum.

      Please visit our website, 911memorial.org, to subscribe to our e-newsletter for news and information on upcoming events, including the opening of the 9/11 Memorial Museum.

      Thank you for helping to build a lasting place for remembrance, reflection, and learning for years to come.”

      Too be honest I am confused. I have requested passes many times and never received the fore mentioned email. I am truly hoping that this was some kind of computer email error. Because I am going to be very disappointed if the National September 11 Memorial meant to send me this email. Really!?! Did you send a family member an email saying “thank you for helping to build a lasting place for remembrance, reflection and learning for years to come.” I guess I helped to build it when my husband dies in the line of duty there. And not for nothing but asking me to purchase something from your online store is just tacky. The whole email screams lack of respect for the fact I am a family member.

      This email reminds me of the letter I received from the medical examiner’s office in January 2002 asking for additional DNA samples for Bruce. And informing me that “chewed gum” was a good source of DNA. Really, after 4 months you think I have a piece of gum my deceased husband chewed lying around. Long story short, they had DNA samples but the right hand didn’t know where the left hand had put them. And they did apologize for sending a form letter.

      What I find upsetting in the email from the National September 11 Memorial and the letter of medical examiner so many years ago is the lack of respect for who is receiving the email or the letter. National September 11 Memorial is a beautiful and fitting memorial and I appreciate that is cost money to maintain but just maybe asking me to contribute within days of visiting is “bad timing” on your part. Maybe I should pay the $2.00 processing fee for public entrance.

      May I just add that if you would like to visit the Memorial I would love to take you to it.

      Posted in daily life, memories, respect in the real world, September 11 | 0 Comments | Tagged little things, respect, September 11
    • in the meantime…

      Posted at 5:39 pm by missannsays, on April 25, 2013

      I completed a “light, little” blog post about a half hour ago and scheduled it to be published in an hour. In the meantime, I went on Face Book and saw that a friend had posted that her son-in-law was killed yesterday while serving in Afghanistan. So I pause and say a prayer for her daughter and children. My heart breaks. I say a prayer for my friend and her family. I grief that I never met this young man. I say a prayer for his family. I weep. I marvel that this young man is about the same age as my son-in-laws. I thank the Lord for my girls and their guys. I remember the wonderful times spent together with my friend and her family many years ago. I am grateful. I remember that this friend and her husband drove from SC to Bruce’s memorial service. I am humbled. I ponder all the sadness and sorrow of this world. And I say aloud “I know whom I have believed in and I am pursued that He is able to keep that I have entrusted unto Him against that day.”

      Posted in daily life, faith, memories, relationships, respect in the real world | 0 Comments | Tagged following Jesus, little things, respect
    • Tricky Days

      Posted at 7:13 pm by missannsays, on January 18, 2013

      Tricky days that is what my daughters and I call days that should be celebrated – holidays, birthdays, anniversaries but now there is an empty chair or no need to buy a Father’s Day or Birthday card. Today is a tricky day for my uncle and cousins. Today would have been my Auntie Jean’s birthday but she passed away in August.  I sent my uncle and cousins cards this week to acknowledge that I remember that today is Auntie Jean’s birthday. I wrote in the cards that I am thinking and praying for them because I am.

      We all have tricky days. Days that had at one point been for celebrating and for now are for grieving but eventually will be for remembering. Tricky days aren’t just tricky for the person that experienced the loss, they are tricky for their family and friends as well. Sometimes we think we need to say that “amazingly poignant thing” but maybe “I remember” or “I know” is enough. The people in Newtown, CT have many tricky days ahead of them.

      As I was pondering tricky days, I was reminded of when I had the opportunity to share my September 11 story with the “Faces of Hope”. The Faces of Hope were children who were born on September 11, 2001 – one (or twins) to represent each state. A book had been published with their photos in 2002. I met some of those children in early September 2011 right before their 10th birthday. (Actually part of my visit with them was on the Today Show. How weird was that!) I reminded them to not let the attacks of September 11 define them, to remember that they were a wonderful thing that happened on a bad day. I told them I was so glad to meet them because they were truly faces of hope. On sad side note, the little girl that was killed when Gabby Gifford was shot was actually one of the children that was featured in the Faces of Hope book. 😦

      I mention this idea of tricky days for a few of reasons. First we don’t always know if today is a tricky day for someone so let’s listen to each other. Second we can’t expect someone to know it is a tricky day for us unless we tell them so let’s talk to each other. Thirdly let’s just cut each other some slack because until I have walked in your shoes, I can’t know what you are going through but I can choose to walk beside you instead of over you.

      Posted in daily life, memories, respect in the real world, September 11, Uncategorized | 5 Comments | Tagged friendship, little things, respect, September 11
    • Oops- wrong number!!

      Posted at 11:31 am by missannsays, on November 12, 2012

      New Jersey is my preferred state to purchase gasoline for my car. The price is  cheaper than New York and I don’t have to get out of my car to pump it. I drive a lot so cheaper prices and someone else pumping the gas for me are two things that bring a smile to my face. New Jersey currently has odd/even gas rationing. I am familiar with odd/even gas rationing because in the 1970’s I was the family member responsible for sitting in line for gas. As the oldest child, I was the first one to start driving so those little errands of “running uptown to get another gallon of milk” or “taking the car to get gas” became my job. I have memories of taking my mom’s car one day and my dad’s car the next day.

      Last Friday, Nov 9, I “needed gas” so I decided to visit my mom and do some errands in NJ before heading to jury duty in Newburgh. As a side note, all the cases were settled and all the prospective jurors were released from duty. Anyway, I was confident my license plate was odd 8299 so I pulled up to get gas. No real lines. I had cash so it is even cheaper. All is well. The attendant fills my tank and I am off and running. I am so glad I have enough fuel to accomplish the task at hand and drive into NYC on Sunday afternoon.  Fast forward two days. Yesterday as I am leaving church, I glanced at my license plate. Oops!! My license plate number is 8290. Oh, my!! I got gas illegally on Friday.

      So I start thinking about this whole dilemma. First I am amazed that I was actually able to fill up on Friday. I assume the attendant thought the 9 was the last number and the zero was an O. Hopefully he knew zero is an even number. I am a rule follower by nature so there is moment when I am concerned that I have broken the law. I realize that obviously the gas police aren’t going to track me now. But there is another moment which I am not proud to mention that I thought “wow, this could really work for me.”  I may actually be able to get gas again on an odd day instead of an even especially if the attendant isn’t paying attention.  And then I thought but now I know. It was an accident that I was sold fuel on Friday but if I get in line again on an odd day I will have full knowledge of what I am doing. And knowing “what I am doing” is a whole different thing. 🙂

      Posted in daily life, respect in the real world | 0 Comments | Tagged little things, respect
    • Jury Duty

      Posted at 7:03 pm by missannsays, on November 8, 2012

      “I swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.” The following story is true. At the beginning of January 2012 I received a “jury summons” for February 14.  I decided to postpone my service since Tween Winter Camp was scheduled for the end of that week and as the director of that camp I knew it could become problematic if I was actually placed on a jury. It was simple  enough to go online and reschedule for April 16. Fast forward to April 16 at 1:30am. A phone call informs me my mother has fallen and is being transported to Valley Hospital Emergency Room. I get dressed, grab my phone and my jury summons and head to Valley Hospital.  I am not sure what the day will hold but know that I need to be there for my mom but also I don’t want to “just not show up” for jury duty. I will comment later to my sister (a lawyer/judge) that I was afraid of a bench warrant being issued because I was a no-show. She chuckles and says she wished everyone took it that seriously.

      Thankfully things go smoothly and my mom is admitted to a room very early in the morning.  I make sure she is settled and around 6:30 am drive home to quickly change my clothes so I can look respectable to report for jury duty.  As the jury selection process begins I hand in my summons  and  I inform the clerk that my mother has just been admitted to the hospital and she excuses me and wishes me luck.

      Fast forward again to mid August. Surprise, jury summons arrives in the mail. Now there is only one day that would be problematic for the whole month of September. That date is September 10 because I am scheduled for gall bladder surgery. Not my choice of dates but  that was the first date the surgeon had. Anyway you guessed it. September 10 is the date I am scheduled to report for jury duty. I try to postpone on-line but I can’t because I have postponed two times before so the next day I call. I start the conversation my telling the woman that everything I am telling her is true – camp, mother, surgery. Her reaction is “oh, my! let me reschedule you for March.” I paused and said could you just reschedule me for November. She is surprised I want to come in November. Yes, November is fine. What I am not telling her is I already know there is a conference I want to attend in March. She nicely says” I will schedule you for the week of November 5. November 6 is Election Day so you will only have to serve 4 days.” Thank you.

      And two weeks ago the jury summons came to remind me I was scheduled for the week of November 5. In the State of New York, you have to call the night before to see if you need to report the next day. If you don’t have to appear you, call every day until your number comes up. Well, that makes it a little difficult to plan your week so I actually hadn’t scheduled tours or anything because who knew. When I called Friday night, I was hoping I would be required to show up on Monday because at that point I had no electric and at least the courthouse would be warm. I didn’t have to report on Monday. When I called Monday night they said no court on Tuesday or Wednesday. I called on Wednesday night and they said no court on Thursday. I called this evening and I have to report tomorrow at 2pm in Newburgh. To be honest, I am not a happy camper. I am trying to have a good attitude but really I was willing to go anytime this week and I have to go for the last 2 hours of the week. On the other hand, let’s  hope nothing weird happens between now and 2pm tomorrow because I need to finally do my civic duty. Will let you know how it goes.

      Posted in daily life, memories, relationships, respect in the real world | 0 Comments | Tagged little things, respect
    • Sandy

      Posted at 6:08 pm by missannsays, on November 3, 2012

      When I first heard about “Sandy” I thought of Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta in Grease.  What a fun movie with good cheesy music!! Of course, John Travolta probably cringes when he remembers it. I actually saw the musical Grease off-Broadway many years ago. What I remember most about it was the great music and Ed Sullivan was in the audience. My friend and I asked for his autograph. He graciously signed our playbills.  I wonder if I still have that somewhere – it may be worth something 🙂

      But after this past week when I think of “Sandy” I will think of the devastation of the Jersey shore, Staten Island, NYC and Long Island. I am almost relieved that I haven’t had electricity for the last week so I haven’t had constant access to the images of the destruction. The tiny images I have seen on my smart phone have been enough to give me pause and improve my prayer life. Friday as I drove home from my mother-in-law’s in South Jersey I was brought to tears by the sight of the Coast Guard vehicles from Miami delivering generators to the Belmar area. The sight of firetrucks and utility trucks from other states heading north was so encouraging that I wept again.

      I guess what I want to say is many are suffering through the aftermath of Sandy and we should reach out to them. But there are other people who weren’t effected by  Hurricane Sandy but have their own unprecedented events happening. May we not forget that each and every day there are people who have just received a diagnose of a terrible disease, or suffered the death of a family member or the loss a child or lost their home in a fire. As we reach out to those effected by Sandy let’s also decide to be more aware of the needs that are always around us. Let’s not wait for “unprecedented” to be a neighbor and a friend.

      Posted in daily life, respect in the real world, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged friendship, little things, prayer
    • then and now – Sept 13

      Posted at 8:58 pm by missannsays, on September 13, 2012

      School had been canceled on Sept 12, 2001. On September 13, 2001, my daughters would choose to go to school. My older daughter, E, was a senior and younger daughter, M, was a freshmen. It won’t be until weeks later that I would realize that M had only been at her new school for a few days when September 11 happened.  After attending freshmen orientation a few weeks before school started, M had told Bruce and I that she had asked a few people if they knew E and they didn’t. And then she said “Everyone will know who I am within a month of me being there.”  And they did but not for a reason we could have ever thought of. My daughters are very different people. They are each wonderful but different. As a teacher, who had both of my daughters said, “I had E who was this quiet, attentive student and then this wind named M blew in”. I am forever grateful to the students, teachers and staff of Eastern Christian High School who made school a safe, secure place for my daughters to be as we were on this journey we never expected to be on.

      In the days after Sept 11, I would pull out my Bible to read verses that I felt would give me strength and wisdom. The first verse I looked up was Philippians 4:8 ” Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent  or praiseworthy – think about such things.” This was always called the “qualifying” verse. My girls heard this constantly while growing up. But on Sept 13, 2001, after I read that verse I looked up the page and read “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Don’t be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

      Today September 13, 2012, there was a memorial service for Neil Armstrong at the National Cathedral in Washington.  I watched part of it on television and saw Eugene Cernan, the last man to walk on the moon, talk about his friend and the first person to walk on the moon. One think that Cernan said that really struck me was “it was never about Neil”.  Wow! that is something to think about…

      Posted in faith, respect in the real world, September 11 | 0 Comments | Tagged following Jesus, little things, September 11
    • Sept 11, 2012

      Posted at 7:00 am by missannsays, on September 11, 2012
      The death certificate said “homicide”.  The FDNY said LODD – line of duty death.  Our Heavenly Father said “Well done, Bruce – welcome home.”
      Praying for the families that lost loved ones. Praying for health of body and mind for the first responders that carry on. Praying for the survivors of the WTC & Pentagon who saw things no human being should ever see. Praying for our military and their families.
      Thanking my friends and family for their love & support.
      “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
      Posted in faith, respect in the real world, September 11 | 3 Comments | Tagged following Jesus, September 11, telling the next generation
    • the last time

      Posted at 4:34 pm by missannsays, on September 9, 2012
      I don’t remember how old my youngest daughter (M) was but at some point she put a note in her father’s dress uniform hat that said “I love you Dad”.  That note is still in that hat. And that hat sits on a shelf in the corner cabinet of my “study/reading room”.  As I remember the story, M. had placed the note in the hat because her dad was attending a firefighter’s funeral. The tradition of firefighters paying tribute to fellow fallen firefighters is a long, rich not to be taken lightly duty. To be honest, I didn’t always get the “firefighter” funeral thing. I understood the firefighters need to honor their fellow firefighters and support the family.  I personally felt it was wrong for the mayor, etc to show up at funerals and speak. I felt it was an invasion of privacy. Bruce would tell me that it was just the way it was. I had told him that if he died in the line of duty I wasn’t going to let the mayor come. He told me I would have to sort that out after he was gone. It would be my problem not his.
       The last time Bruce wore that hat was the day of M. eighth grade graduation in June 2001.  Bruce would attend the funeral for one of the firefighters killed in the Father’s Day fire. He would call and say he was running late and should he come home to change and be late for graduation or just come in his dress uniform. We would decide that he should just meet us there.  There are wonderful photos of M with her dad in his uniform.
      When September 11 falls on a Tuesday, it is a little freaky for many of us. See when it is on a Tuesday you know what you were doing in the days leading up to that day that would start as such a beautiful late summer day.  The days seem to line up more easily. I am not sure why it is maybe it is just how your brain stores information.  Sunday September 9 is the last time so many years ago that I would see my husband. He was on duty Sunday evening to Monday evening and then on duty again on Tuesday for a day tour. Because his firehouse was in the Bronx, we decided he would spend Monday night and the firehouse.
      I would speak to him on the phone on Monday. I can’t remember what that conversation was about. I do vividly remember the conversation we had when he left for work on Sunday September 9, 2001. It had been a ordinary Sunday. We attended church with our eldest daughter (E). Our youngest daughter (M) wasn’t home. She was on a school sponsored trip to the New Jersey shore. We had lunch and then took a  *”Nazarene” nap. As Bruce was getting dressed to leave, he said “I am so blest”. I commented “why”. He answered “I am married to Miss Ann, we have 2 great kids and we got the trailer.” To which I responded “some people won’t see being married to me as a plus. You are right the girls are great. And yes, we had a great summer.” 🙂
       The mayor won’t be at Bruce’s memorial service not because I didn’t invite him but because there were too many services/funerals. A representative of the mayor’s office and governor’s office would be there. A little side story I would actually meet those gentlemen the day before. The day before Bruce’s memorial service we would stop by Squad 41 in the Bronx. As we pulled into the little parking lot next to the firehouse, an official looking car would pull in behind us. Two suits would get out. They were coming to Squad 41 to learn about Bruce and pay their respects.They didn’t expect to run into his family.  I had a brief conversation with them. Some time after I would receive a personal note from those men telling me how moved they had been by his service and meeting me. On September 29 we would have Bruce’s memorial service. It would celebrate his life and bring glory to our God. Both of those things were important to us. Firefighters from all around would attend. And they would be given a standing ovation has they entered and left the church. I can still hear the sound of people applauding for them. The firefighters would exit the church and stand in formation outside.  My daughters and I would walk out the side door of the church and around the corner of the building to see a giant American flag drapped between two firetrucks and all those firefighters would stand at attention as we walked by. My daughters tell me that they still remember the sound of my heels on the pavement. I actually remember that sound, too. We would re-enter the church through a lower level door and have a brief time of refreshment. Complete with Arthur Avenue cheesecake and coffee – two of Bruce’s favorites. Family, friends and complete strangers would offer their words of encouragement and support. My daughter’s friends from school, church and camp would be there to support them. The outpouring of love was amazing.  And on Monday October first, E, M and I would establish our new normal but those stories are for another day.
           *Nazarene nap – Sunday afternoon nap right after lunch and sandwiched in between morning service and evening service.*
      Posted in faith, memories, respect in the real world, September 11 | 4 Comments | Tagged following Jesus, friendship, September 11
    • 11 random things I have learned since Sept 11

      Posted at 8:23 pm by missannsays, on September 7, 2012

      So here goes 11 random things I have learned since September 11, 2001. Some serious and some not.

      1. My dad was right when he said not to make any major changes in my life until after the first year. Good advice. The first year we were numb and on autopilot.
      2. Even after the darkness night, the sun will rise the next morning.
      3. Life is meant to be lived one day at a time. And sometimes it is meant to be lived the next ten minutes and then the ten minutes after that.
      4. Everyone has a story. And I can’t know what someone has been through by looking at them.
      5. Listening is the greatest gift you can give someone.
      6. There are some things that can only be understood by another FDNY widow. And I am very grateful for the FDNY widow friends in my life.
      7. When visiting the White House, don’t wander down a path unless you have been given permission. You may run into sniper people.
      8. David Hasselhoff is taller than he looks on TV, Glenn Close is very tiny and “Ginger” from Gilligan’s Island is way too skinny. Met all of them at the Squad 41 Christmas party in December of 2001.
      9. I have to make  decisions that are right for me and my family.  And until you have walked in my shoes please don’t judge me. I will respect your choices even if you don’t respect mine.
      10.  Squad 41 thinks I have “culture”. In March of 2002, there was a trip donated by the Paris Fire Department to spend a week in France and Squad 41 said they thought of me because I have “culture’. 🙂
      11. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

      Photo is of the flag that covered Bruce’s body when his remains were found in March 2002. The medal is the Congressional Medal of Valor which was awarded to all first responders who died in the line of duty on September 11, 2001. We were invited to the White House in September of 2005. Not inside just on the lawn. Still trying to get an invitation inside.

      “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” -Robert Frost

       

      Posted in daily life, respect in the real world, September 11 | 1 Comment | Tagged following Jesus, respect, September 11
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