Miss Ann Says

Category: respect in the real world

• Respect in the Real World – 4th of July and book club

  Posted at 12:13 pm by missannsays, on July 4, 2012

  Last night I attended my monthly book club at the public library. Our book  for the month of June had been The Cellist of Sarajevo by Steven Galloway. What an amazing book and what a wonderful discussion. “The Sarajevo in this novel is only one small part of the real city and its people, as imagined by the author. This is above all else a work of fiction.”  It is fiction set in a real event in the recent past and that may be what makes it so chilling. More than once during our discussion last evening someone commented “why, don’t I remember this. why wasn’t I aware of this.”  I defaulted to “maybe the media wasn’t reporting it. Maybe it wasn’t in front of us.” But that isn’t a reason not to be informed. There was also discussion about what it must be like to live with war waging around you. We shared stories of images seen during childhood that shaped us today. We also wondered what would we do in those circumstances would we be brave, would we be our “brother’s keeper”.

  “The city he lives in is full of people who will someday go  back to treating each other like humans. The war will end, and when it’s looked back upon it will be with regret, not with fond memories of faded glory.  In the meantime, he will continue to walk the streets. Streets that will not have dead and discarded bodies lying in them. He will behave now as he hopes everyone will someday behave. Because civilization isn’t a thing that you build and then there it is, you have it forever. It needs to be built constantly, re-created daily. It vanishes far more quickly than he ever would have thought possible. And if he wishes to live, he must do what he can to prevent the world he wants to live in from fading away. As long as there’s war, life is a preventable measure.”

  I have been pondering that quote in light of today being the  4th of July – America’s birthday.  I am grateful to the men and women serving in our military  whether at home or overseas. I am saddened that their families will have empty chairs at the tables due to deployment or even worse due to the ultimate sacrifice. I also feel that as a nation there are “wars” waging within our borders – poverty, unemployment, healthcare reform, care of the aged, immigration, religious freedoms,etc… Mr. Galloway, I hope you don’t mind but I  tweaked Dragan’s thoughts on page 151 of  The Cellist of Sarajevo for the 4th of July, 2012 – “The country she lives in is full of people who will someday go back to treating each other like humans. The issues/problems will be resolved and when they are looked back upon it will be with regret, not with fond memories of faded glory and which party won. She will behave now as she hopes everyone will someday behave with respect for her fellow countrymen. Because civilization isn’t a thing that you build and then there it is, you have it forever. It needs to be built constantly, re-created daily. It vanishes far more quickly than she ever would have thought possible. And if she wishes to live, she must do what she can to prevent the world  she wants to live in from fading away. “

  Posted in books, daily life, respect in the real world | 0 Comments | Tagged reading list, respect

• Respect in the Real World – “cutting in line”

  Posted at 9:49 pm by missannsays, on June 26, 2012

  Yesterday I had the opportunity to hear Dan Rather speak as part of the Auditorium Speaker series at the American Library Association Conference in Anaheim, CA.    I was a little worried that the Dan Rather I had remembered watching on television would not be the Dan Rather I would hear speak.  He did not disappoint. To be honest he was “plugging” his new book, Rather Unspoken, but he told amazing stories and issued a cautionary tale of the future of our news agencies that are presently controlled by large international corporations. Very interesting and thought-provoking.  After his presentations there was a book signing. So myself and  many other people got on the line to get his book.  We assumed we would be purchasing the book but it was actually free. 🙂

  It took a few moments to figure out which way the line was going but within minutes we had all fallen into a “que”. There were two young women right in front of me who seemed to know each other.  For the sake of the story we will call them Friend One and Friend Two. Friend One was holding a boxed easel, portfolio and other supplies.  Her arms were full.  It appeared to me she may be giving a presentation at some point.  Behind me were three ladies who also knew each other. There was small talk and this being the year 2012 many people myself included were busily looking at their smart phones.  After a few minutes I realized there was someone new (Friend 3) standing in front of me.  I thought where did you come from, did I miss seeing you standing there.  The lady behind me caught my eye and gave me a knowing look and commented she wasn’t there before.  I thought “oh well that is a little rude but whatever”.  Now there are three young women in front of me who seem to be friends. Are you confused yet?  Friend One with the easel asks if Friend Two to hold her place in line so she can go deliver the easel to its needed location. “Sure, no problem” So off she goes.

  The line is moving slowing but people are chatting with each other.  Since the line went one direction and then doubled back the person standing to your left  and sometimes right changed depending how far into the “maze” you were. A woman commented to me about my lymphedema sleeve and we had a brief conversation about being cancer survivors. I notice that a man’s name badge says Qatar and commented that he is far from home.  There are several comments wondering about if there will be enough books.  Then a woman comes by and she is counting the number of people in line.  She stops less than 10 people behind me and says “after this person we can’t promise that you will get a book. You are welcome to stand in line and meet Mr Rather but you probably won’t get a book.”

  Friend Two and Friend Three have been talking and seem oblivious to the”count”.  I say “excuse me but the woman just counted all of us and you may want to tell her that your friend isn’t here so she can include her in the count” Friend Two looks concerned, thanks me and gets out of line to go talk to the “chief counter and line organizer”.  She comes back and states that they can’t hold a place for Friend One.  She seems genuinely upset.  In my mind I am thinking Friend Three should get out of line and give the spot to Friend One.  I mean Friend One was there first.  Granted she did leave but her arms were full. I can hear soft whispers from the ladies behind – oh my, how is this going to go down. After awhile Friend One finally returns and Friend Two shares the bad news. Friend One goes to talk to the “chief counter and line organizer” and we can all see much head shaking. Friend One walks back and states that she wasn’t counted and has no book and  then stares at Friend Three. I think she excepted her to give up her spot since Friend Three had elbowed her way in.  But Friend Three doesn’t  say a word and she doesn’t make eye contact. There is a pause and Friend One walks away, Friend Two seems embarrassed and Friend Three is checking her phone.  And what really make this whole situation fascinating was the day before  Dan Ariely , author of  Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions had given a presentation on studies he has done on “cheating”. Wow, I think this book signing line could have been part of his study.

  I do now own a signed copy of Rather Unspoken as do Friend Two and “Friend” Three as well as the ladies behind me.

  Posted in daily life, respect in the real world | 0 Comments | Tagged little things, respect

• Respect in the Real World – Flag Day

  Posted at 10:16 am by missannsays, on June 14, 2012

  Today is Flag Day. It is also my mother’s 80th birthday. My “book club” friend’s birthday. Fifty plus years ago on this day I was a flower girl in my aunt’s and uncle’s wedding. A few years ago my nephew was wed to his true love on this day and they are expecting their first baby. And last but not least thirty-two years ago today, Bruce and I got married in a little white church in New Milford, NJ. Bruce’s mom had also said she would put the flag out the day he got married. Thus we picked Flag Day as our wedding day. That reason and  it was a week after the recital – can’t get married before a recital – too busy. In the days after September 11, 2001, there were flags flying everywhere. I remember commenting that Bruce would have loved seeing that.  I am grateful for the 21 years we shared and look forward to seeing him again when eternity comes.

  I have been pondering the flag the last few days. Thinking about why I am so moved when I see the flag, thinking about what it stands for. I think for me it is a symbol of who we are 50 states made up of millions of people trying to live and thrive together. And we had a small beginning of only 13 colonies and people were willing to give their all so we could be the United States of America and some still give their lives for our freedoms. I am proud to be an American. I love my country. I am saddened that so many of my fellow citizens and non citizens are out of work and out of hope.

  When you look at the rest of the world, we are a young nation. I remember being in England with my girls and there was a poster “rulers of Great Britain” going back thousands of years. I pointed to the last couple of inches on the bottom of the poster and commented “this is how long the USA has been around.” I think of the USA as a teenager. And teenagers think they know it all. Teenagers sometimes make impulsive choices and throw out traditions that they will miss as they get older. Teenagers don’t listen well to older and wiser counsel.  The teenage years don’t last for long and then the real world knocks at the door and you have to take care of yourself. The web site About.com Homeschooling states: “Called the “Stars and Stripes,” or “Old Glory,” the flag is one of the most complicated in the world. No other flag needs 64 pieces of fabric to make. The current flag has 13 red and white alternating stripes (representing the original 13 states) and 50 stars (each star represents one of the states of the Union) on a blue background.The American flag has also changed designs more than any other flag in the world.”  Sounds like us – complicated and changing. Happy Flag Day.

  Posted in faith, memories, respect in the real world, September 11, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged respect, September 11

• Respect in the Real World – #5 NDP

  Posted at 9:34 pm by missannsays, on May 2, 2012

  Tomorrow is the first Thursday in May. Wow, I can’t believe it is May already. The first Thursday in May is the National Day of Prayer.  The NDP website offers the following history lesson: “Days of prayer have been called for since 1775, when the Continental Congress designated a time for prayer in forming a new nation. In 1863, Abraham Lincoln called for such a day. Officially, the NDP was established as an annual event by an act of Congress in 1952 and was signed into law by President Truman. President Reagan amended the law in 1988, designating the first Thursday of May each year as the NDP.”

  I believe in prayer and I am grateful that I live in a nation where I have freedom of religion. I realize that if I lived in some other countries on our wonderful planet I would not have freedom of religion. I also realize that there are people who do not share my views on life and religion in particular. And I am good with that.  The world is a big place and we are all different.  As I always say to the kids “It would be so boring if we were all alike.”  I love the diversity of the United States but I will say that I don’t like the term “tolerance”.  I think “respect” is a better word.  I get the concept of tolerance but wouldn’t respect be better.  I don’t have to agree with your lifestyle or beliefs to respect you as a fellow member of the human race. Can’t we respectfully agree to disagree. See the bottom line is you haven’t walked in my shoes and I haven’t walked in your shoes. But I can almost guarantee that there is something you can teach me about life that I wouldn’t have known if I didn’t know you and visa versa.  We don’t have to see “eye to eye” to walk “hand in hand” or live “side by side”.

  So I will be praying for our great nation tomorrow, our leaders and the children and teens who are our future leaders. My local church will be open all day tomorrow for people to stop by and pray. I bet some synagogues and mosque will be open too. And actually you can pray anywhere so if you believe in prayer, please take a moment tomorrow to pray for our leaders, our military and our future. It can’t hurt 🙂

  One last thought for my brothers and sisters in Christ as John Wesley stated: “On the essentials, unity; on the non-essentials, liberty; and in all things charity(love).” Amen!

  Posted in respect in the real world | 0 Comments | Tagged prayer, respect

• Respect in the Real World – #4 -Bin Laden

  Posted at 8:29 pm by missannsays, on April 27, 2012

  May 1, 2011 was a Sunday.  I had attended church and then headed into Manhattan with a friend.  The reason for the trek into the city was to lead a private tour at the WTC site for my friend, her sister and  her sister’s friends. We visited the Tribute Center and then I lead a walking tour explaining the history of the original World Trade Center, a timeline of the September 11 attacks, information about the rescue, recovery and rebuilding.  I also told my personal story.  We finished our tour in WFC #3 aka the American Express building at their beautiful memorial to their 11 employees that were killed on September 11. After the tour, we drove to my friend’s sister’s house for pizza and the discussion about September 11 continued with people sharing their memories and me answering more questions.

  It was getting late so I drove my friend home and as I headed home I turned the car radio on.  At first I didn’t understand what the news report was about but I could sense from the tone of the newscasters voice that “something had happened”.  And then I realized what was being reported and I felt nothing. I even remember thinking “I think I should be happy” but I felt nothing.  I got home and my friend called and asked if I had heard.  Yes, I heard.  She commented “that she couldn’t believe we had been at the site the day Bin Laden was killed”.  Each of my daughters called me and we discussed our individual reactions.  My younger daughter commented that “the timing was interesting with the tenth anniversary only months away.”  And my older daughter mentioned “daddy died in the line of duty”. I did see President Obama announce the killing of Bin laden and then I went to bed.

  I was volunteering at the Tribute Center on Monday so Monday morning I headed into the city. I hadn’t seen any television reports. I hadn’t seen the images of people reacting and “celebrating”.  I was very surprised by the added police presence and all the media.  There were even mounted police. It was a zoo.  I will say that the Tribute Center is always wonderful about trying to keep the media in line.  I was asked if I would like to attend the mayor’s press conference on the “site”.  “Sure why not” I haven’t had that experience before. I am not good at recognizing famous/noteworthy people but I did recognize Katy Couric. Oh my bizarre life.

  Anyway after a few days I realized that I needed to share some thoughts about Bin Laden’s death and I did on Facebook.

  random thoughts on Bin Laden’s death

  by Ann Clark Van Hine on Thursday, May 5, 2011 at 9:20am ·

  I have had an interesting week.  I have been processing/pondering the death of Bin Laden.  I have realized the I am actually indifferent.  And in realizing that I remembered that I once heard that the opposite of love is not hate – it is indifference.  I don’t think his death makes us any safer.  The opposite is probably true. I haven’t been waiting for 10 years for his death.  I hope that the people who have been waiting for his death now have peace.  Emily called me on Sunday evening she said that she has always thought that Bruce died in the line of duty.  I would have to agree.  To me Bruce gave his life, Bin Laden did not take Bruce’s life.  I haven’t watched much TV news (I don’t usually – I listen to the radio or read on the Internet) so I haven’t seen a lot of the celebrations.  I see September 11 through two lenses – the FDNY widow lens and the follower of Jesus Christ lens.  I don’t think I can see it just  through the American lens because those other two lens are so strong that I can’t separate them from who I am.

  The one thing that was very disturbing and annoying to me was  ” that Bin Laden was buried within 24 hours because of Islamic tradition”  Really I would think if you murdered close to 3,000 people (or even 1 person) your religious beliefs become irrelevant.  There were Jews and Muslims killed on Sept 11 who were not afforded their religious traditions.  I understand part of that was to appease the Islamic community but really…

  I have great respect for our military and my heart breaks for the families of those that have been killed during this struggle with terrorism.

  As I said to a reporter “On May 28 my daughter is getting married and whether Bin Laden is dead or alive, her dad is not here to walk her down the aisle.” – that is the reality.  This week is another chapter in that nonexistent booklet “a personal lose in the midst of a national tragedy”  As always God is faithful 🙂

  Now almost a year later I still struggle with observing Islamic tradition and not because it was Islamic tradition but because I think Bin Laden forfeited his right for us to respect his beliefs. People have explained to me that “we” were taking the higher ground and I wish that I could believe that is why “we” observed his religious beliefs. I just wish “we” would take the higher ground when it comes to respecting each other.

  Posted in respect in the real world, September 11 | 0 Comments | Tagged respect, September 11

• Update – Respect in the real world – part 3

  Posted at 4:12 pm by missannsays, on April 3, 2012

  On March 6, I had written about my dismay at seeing a flag tied around the flag pole at my mom’s bank.  Well, I am happy to report that the string on the flag pole has been fixed.  However I am very sad to report that today that flag is flying at half-staff for a young Marine that was killed in Afghanistan. Today the town of my childhood welcomed home a hero. I have a personal connection to that young Marine’s family – his sisters took dance from me.  And my heart breaks for his family.

  I can not begin to understand what it feels like to lose a child. I have never lost a child.  It has been said that we have words to describe a person that loses a spouse – widow/widower and we even have a word for a child that lose their parents – orphans. But there is no word for a parent that loses a child.  It is truly the wrong order of things.  Parents should never bury their children.

  I do know what feels like to have people tell you your loved one was a hero. But I remember vividly my daughters commenting after September 11 that they understood that people saw their dad as a hero but to them he was just their daddy. I guess what I want to say is as a nation we lost a hero but his family lost their son, brother, grandson, uncle, nephew and cousin.  I think in some ways it is easier for us to think of this young Marine and all those who have been killed in the line of duty as heroes because then we don’t necessarily have to think of them as someone’s son or daughter.  May we remember to pray for those who serve in our military because every solider is someone’s son or daughter. God bless America.

  Posted in respect in the real world | 0 Comments | Tagged friendship, respect, September 11

• What?!?

  Posted at 8:29 pm by missannsays, on March 25, 2012

  It was September 2007 and I remember the phone ringing and it being Jennifer Adams from the September 11 Families Association.  She was calling to give me a “heads up” about a story that would be appearing in the New York Times the next day.  A reporter from the New York Times had been working on a story about Tania Head and as he was verify various facts some things didn’t add up.  The story being released the next day would report that Tania Head was a fake.  What!?!   Her story of being in the south tower and being one of only 20 people to escape from above the impact zone  was a fake.  And not only being a survivor but also of having lost her finance in the north tower. Really !?!  I mean really – she made it up.  She had burns on her arm.  She was the head of the survivor network. She did the tours for the “bigwigs”.  I had stood next to this woman while leading tours for the Tribute Center and shared my very real personal story and she had lied. Wow!!!

  I was dumbfounded.  A friend said didn’t anyone check that her story was true. Well, why would someone lie about all of that.  Any of us who had a story would have been grateful to not have a story.  I felt betrayed but mostly I was heartbroken for those who had truly befriended her. I was heartbroken for the real survivors who had trusted her with their stories. I was also fearful of what would happen to the Tribute Center and the tours. It was a truly bizarre time.

  As this book about her is published (& the possible media frenzy that will follow), would you please join me in praying for her “friends” and all those who have real stories.  There is so much about September 11, 2001 that is unbelievable but that someone would fake a story – that is unimaginable.

  here is a link to the daily news story:

  http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/woman-explores-bizarre-tale-tania-head-article-1.1050614

  Posted in respect in the real world, September 11 | 3 Comments | Tagged September 11

• Respect in the Real World – #3 – American flag

  Posted at 2:25 pm by missannsays, on March 6, 2012

  

  This is most disrespectful thing I have seen.  Tuesday is the day I run errands with my mom.  Our first stop today was her bank.  As I turned onto Franklin Turnpike, I noticed that the flags outside the municipal hall were flying at half-staff or is it half mast.  Anyway seeing flags like that always gives me pause.  As I turn into her bank I notice that the flag pole has a flag tied around it – really?!?  So I mention to the teller that there is a problem with the flag and someone should fix it because it is very disrespectful.  I run a couple of more errands and come back by the bank and the issue hasn’t been remedied.  I couldn’t believe it so while my mom was in the drug store I took a photo and posted it on Facebook and Twitter.  That was my “reaction” but I thought I should take “action”. So I decided I should go a step further to try to remedy this situation. I guess the part that seemed so outrageous to me was that less than half a block away the flag was flying at half-staff and a block away is the American Legion hall.  I thought what if some veteran notices it or the family of the person being honored by the flag at half-staff.  I went into the municipal hall and inquired about why the flags were at half-staff.  The former chief of police had died so it was to honor his memory and service.  I went into the bank and told them again about the flag and included that the flags next door were at half-staff. I was told the maintenance guy puts it up.  Actually I don’t care who puts it up, I understand the string broke but there is no reason for the flag to be tied to the flagpole.  Take it down, fold it up and take it inside. Fold it up and leave it by the door if you can’t get in the bank but don’t tie it to the flagpole.  It just shows total lack of respect.  The woman I spoke with did go right out and take the flag down.  But I guess my dismay is that someone would have such little respect for the American flag that they would tie it to the pole.  To be honest I have less problems with someone burning the flag than I do in what I saw today.  Someone who burns the flag at least understands that it stands for something that they don’t agree with.  But tieing the flag to the pole showed no understanding at all.

  Posted in respect in the real world | 0 Comments | Tagged respect

• respect in the real world – #2- School group

  Posted at 2:54 pm by missannsays, on February 18, 2012

  One of my volunteer positions is gallery guide for the Tribute Center.  I am also a docent for the Tribute Center which involves leading walking tours of the National September 11 Memorial in New York. As a gallery guide I have the privilege of speaking to school groups that visit the center. I believe strongly “in telling the next generation”.  I love every opportunity to speak with young people. Telling the story of September 11 to children and teens can be “tricky”.  Those children and teens who are now in fifth to 12 grade don’t really have their own memories of that day.  How could they?  The teens who graduate from High School this year were only 7 years old in 2001. The current fifth grade class were babies. That is part of the reason the Tribute Center is so passion about telling the stories.  We lived it but after 10 years it can become a dot on the timeline of history unless educators teach their students. I have had students make me smile as they tell me what they know about 9/11.  Note: I always say September 11 not 9/11. Anyway.  I had a fourth grader tell me “there were tourists who hijacked 6 planes”.  Close they were terrorists – we want to be tourist but we don’t want to be terrorists and there were 4 planes. The one thing I try to avoid mentioning is that people jumped from the buildings. But some child always asked “did people really jump” and I try to discuss that in an age appropriate way. It is an amazing experience speaking to the children and teens.  And I love it. But this past week for the first time I had a group that had no clue where they were.  I guess the teachers didn’t inform them of where they were going or they didn’t listen.  I don’t know but there was a moment when I realized the being young and clueless does not give you a licence to disrespect. So I sucker punched them.  I started with the ” Okay, We are just going for it.  My husband was one of the 343 firefighters that was killed on September 11 and my daughters were your age then. And Tracy her 24-year-old son was murdered when terrorist flew commercial jetliners into buildings right across the street from here. And this didn’t happen in 1776, 1820, 1860 or 19 whatever it happened in 2001 and you were alive then and you need to know and understand this because someday your children are going to ask you what happen here . Okay, now breathe.”  I can’t say I felt bad for sucker punching them. I can say that it was the moment that I truly understood that the stories of September 11 are that important and they have to be told.

  Posted in kid stuff, respect in the real world, September 11 | 1 Comment | Tagged September 11, telling the next generation

• respect in the real world -#1- Dr office

  Posted at 2:17 pm by missannsays, on February 18, 2012

  I had to take my mum for her yearly neurologist appointment last week.  The office requests that you arrive 15 minutes before your scheduled appointment. I appreciate that it is almost impossible to keep a doctor’s office running on time.  If I want the doctor to spend time with me, I need to realize that he/she will also be spending time with the other patients and the schedule will not be running perfectly.  All that said to say I wasn’t surprised that we were going to have to wait.  I was surprised at how rude the receptionist was to an elderly patient who arrived late.  The receptionist informed her that she was 5 minutes late and that she had been told to arrive 15 minutes early.  Really!!! The receptionist knew that the doctor had not been waiting for this patient to arrive he was running late. I glanced at my watch and knew he was running at least 15 minutes late because my mum hadn’t gone in yet. Did I mention that all of this was loud enough for the entire office/waiting room to hear?  I was about ready to comment when the nurse called my mum’s name – 21 minutes after the scheduled appointment and 36 minutes after we had arrived.  Wow!! I really hope that elderly patient arriving 5 minutes late didn’t throw the whole office off of its written in stone schedule. Maybe cutting people a little slack would be a good idea especially when the doctor is running late.

  Posted in respect in the real world | 0 Comments | Tagged respect

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