Miss Ann Says

thoughts from everyday life
Miss Ann Says
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  • Tag: September 11

    • “Happy” Mother’s Day

      Posted at 12:56 pm by missannsays, on May 10, 2013

      This past week the “ads” for Mother’s Day have been relentless. Every time I heard or saw an ad for teddy bears, flowers and jewelry, I thought of the women who this Mother’s Day will be hard. I thought of my cousins who are experiencing the first Mother’s Day without their mom. I thought of my friends who have lost their mothers this past year. I thought of the mommies of the children killed in Newtown and Boston. I thought of the moms of those who have died while serving our country. I thought of the young women trying to have children and it isn’t “happening.” I thought of the moms of children with serious illnesses. I thought of the children with moms with serious illnesses. And then I said a prayer. A prayer that they would find peace. A prayer that they could remember the hugs and love without too much pain. A prayer that they would know that there is a Heavenly Father that loves them, their children and their moms.

      Yesterday I had a lovely day out with friends. We are women who became friends because of our September 11 connection. One of my friends lost her only child on September 11. Another lost her youngest son on September 11. Still another lost her mom very recently. I was struck by it isn’t as simple as “making it through the first Mother’s Day since…” Mother’s Day will always be hard. So I pray that the good memories will outweigh the bad. That the loss will not overwhelm them. That there is someone around them to give a hug, a smile or an ear to listen. I pray that I can be that person to those I know.

      I am blessed and stressed that both my mum and mother-in-law are still alive. It is a challenge walking through these days but I wouldn’t trade it. Happy Mother’s Day to Mum Clark and Mom Van Hine. I love you 🙂

      Since I have aways worked with children, my daughters were accustom to “sharing me” whether it was at the studio, church or summer camp. There were times it was difficult for them to wait for me to be just their mom. They would even say “Miss Ann” when I didn’t respond to “MOM”. I would tell my girls that there are many children who call me “Miss Ann” but there are only two children in the whole world who call me “Mom”. I am very blessed.

      Posted in daily life, faith, memories, relationships | 4 Comments | Tagged following Jesus, friendship, kid stuff, little things, prayer, September 11
    • a duh??? email from National September 11 Memorial

      Posted at 6:38 pm by missannsays, on May 5, 2013

      Today I received the following email from the National September 11 Memorial:

      “Thank you for visiting the National September 11 Memorial and helping to keep our collective promise to honor, remember, and reunite.

      You can support the continued care of the Memorial by making a donation. Please visit our online Museum shop to explore a variety of unique and special keepsakes, books, and accessories. All net proceeds from our sales support sustaining and developing the 9/11 Memorial and Museum.

      Please visit our website, 911memorial.org, to subscribe to our e-newsletter for news and information on upcoming events, including the opening of the 9/11 Memorial Museum.

      Thank you for helping to build a lasting place for remembrance, reflection, and learning for years to come.”

      Too be honest I am confused. I have requested passes many times and never received the fore mentioned email. I am truly hoping that this was some kind of computer email error. Because I am going to be very disappointed if the National September 11 Memorial meant to send me this email. Really!?! Did you send a family member an email saying “thank you for helping to build a lasting place for remembrance, reflection and learning for years to come.” I guess I helped to build it when my husband dies in the line of duty there. And not for nothing but asking me to purchase something from your online store is just tacky. The whole email screams lack of respect for the fact I am a family member.

      This email reminds me of the letter I received from the medical examiner’s office in January 2002 asking for additional DNA samples for Bruce. And informing me that “chewed gum” was a good source of DNA. Really, after 4 months you think I have a piece of gum my deceased husband chewed lying around. Long story short, they had DNA samples but the right hand didn’t know where the left hand had put them. And they did apologize for sending a form letter.

      What I find upsetting in the email from the National September 11 Memorial and the letter of medical examiner so many years ago is the lack of respect for who is receiving the email or the letter. National September 11 Memorial is a beautiful and fitting memorial and I appreciate that is cost money to maintain but just maybe asking me to contribute within days of visiting is “bad timing” on your part. Maybe I should pay the $2.00 processing fee for public entrance.

      May I just add that if you would like to visit the Memorial I would love to take you to it.

      Posted in daily life, memories, respect in the real world, September 11 | 0 Comments | Tagged little things, respect, September 11
    • DC and me

      Posted at 3:31 pm by missannsays, on March 11, 2013

      028

      I visited Washington DC this weekend with my youngest daughter. We had a wonderful mother/daughter trip. I hadn’t visited the District of Columbia to see the sights since July of 2001. In 2001, my eldest daughter attended a one week course at American University. I had driven there and back in one day to drop her off. Those were crazy supermom times. When it was time to pick her up, my mom and younger daughter tagged along and we spent a few a days seeing the sights. During this past weekend, I mentioned a few times to M that we did this or that when we were here in 2001. She didn’t remember the trip. She was only 14 years old at the time. She remembered a few things she did on her senior trip to DC in Spring of 2004. And even commented that she didn’t really appreciate all of it. I mentioned that even if she didn’t appreciate the trip it was a worthwhile experience. I quoted my Dad who was famous for saying “travel is wasted on the young.” Which I don’t think he really believed because he gave my siblings and I opportunities to travel. Anyway as we were looking for a parking garage this past weekend, I commented ” July 2001 was the first time I ever remember having to open the trunk and them using that long mirror to look under the car.” Strangely M remembered that, too. Little did we know that would become a normal part of life in today’s world.

      Washington is a beautiful city. It is very clean and doesn’t seem cluttered. As we walked along we mentioned how quiet it seemed in comparison to NYC. I often wonder what people think when they visit NYC for the first time. I love NYC but I think the energy of the city overwhelms people. There is something awe-inspiring about DC. The buildings are so majestic and the memorials are stunning. I felt humbled not just by the beauty of the structures but by the sacrifice and ideals that they represented. I was reminded of what an amazing country I live in. As my Dad used to say “Our form of government isn’t perfect but it is better than any other form of government you will find in the rest of the world.”

      Our 30 hour visit to DC included the Newseum, the Pentagon Memorial, a night tour of the city, the Capitol tour, the Library of Congress, the National Archives and the Museum of American History. We walked a lot. Noteworthy: The Newseum is a newer museum and well worth the time and admission price. The world map that shows which countries have a free press is a moment to be thankful. I was saddened that the Pentagon Memorial doesn’t have a larger number of visitors. I was grateful to visit it with a fellow docent from the Tribute Center who was able to tell my daughter and I the meaning of the various elements that make up this beautiful memorial. He also shared his personal September 11 Pentagon story. The night tour of DC is a must. The memorials are stunning at night and not crowded. The tour bus stops at the Capitol, White House, Jefferson, World War II, Roosevelt, MLK, Lincoln, Korean War, Vietnam and Marine Memorials. The tour guide disembarked with us and told all kinds of interesting facts. If it hadn’t been so windy it would have been perfect. The funniest line of the weekend was when we were in the Library of Congress and we couldn’t find any books. M commented “There are no books. They are all on a Kindle.” 🙂

      The weird thing about the visit was the reality of “the personal loss in the midst of a national tragedy”. The Newseum had a September 11 section, the road in front of the White House is closed because of 9-11, other places had September 11 remembrances and the Capitol had a memorial to Flight 93. It wasn’t a negative thing. It was almost like a secret my daughter and I shared. And I wondered what secrets the other visitors had as they looked at the various memorials and remembered a family member or friend.

      It was a great weekend to spend time with my daughter and to remember that “freedom isn’t free”.

      Posted in books, daily life, memories | 0 Comments | Tagged little things, respect, September 11
    • 20 years ago today

      Posted at 7:31 pm by missannsays, on February 26, 2013

      “As you go about your lives today, please take a moment with me to remember those six individuals who were simply doing the same 20 years ago and were taken too soon: John DiGiovanni, Robert Kirkpatrick, Stephen A. Knapp, William Macko, Wilfredo Mercado, and Monica Rodriguez Smith, who was pregnant when she died.”- National September 11 Memorial & Museum President & CEO Joe Daniels

      Today marks the 20th anniversary of the first time the World Trade Center was attacked by terrorist. Six people were killed in that attack including a woman who was seven months pregnant. Those six people are remembered on the north side of the north pool at the National September 11 Memorial. Next to Monica Rodriguez Smith’s name it reads “and her unborn child”. Just think today that unborn child would be a 20-year-old man or woman. There are at least 12 times on the Memorial that after a woman’s name it reads “and her unborn child.” Think those babies would be 11-year-old tweens.

      On February 26 1993, Bruce would be doing something in the basement and I would turn on the television to watch the 12 o’clock news. Towards the end of the report they would announce that a bomb had gone off at the WTC. I would yell down the stairs “A bomb went off at the World Trade Center.” Bruce would bound up the stairs and stand it front of the television and state in true firefighter fashion “I can’t believe it! I missed the big one.” No actually you didn’t 🙂

      Let us not forget that many who got out of the Twin Towers safely twenty years ago today would be killed on September 11, 2001. As we say a prayer for the families who lost loved ones twenty years ago today, may we also say a prayer for those that got out safely that day but wouldn’t on September 11. And may we remember those who have gotten out twice but live with guilt and memories of things they would prefer to forget.

      “Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.” ~Mary Jean Iron

      Posted in daily life, memories, September 11 | 0 Comments | Tagged respect, September 11
    • between Lincoln and Valentine’s Day

      Posted at 7:08 pm by missannsays, on February 12, 2013

      My birthday is between Lincoln’s birthday and Valentine’s Day. It is February 13. To be honest, I don’t think my husband actually ever knew the date of my birthday. He did know it was the day before Valentine’s Day. And if he started hearing commercials for Valentine’s Day he knew my birthday was coming. He was very thoughtful about purchasing gifts and cards – a little last-minute but thoughtful none the less.  One year he had been paying bills before he signed my birthday card and  absentmindedly signed my card  “love your hubby, Bruce Van Hine” I laughed when I read it and asked him “do I have so many husbands that you have to clarify which one.” I still have that card.

      A Lincoln story: When I was a kindergarten aide, the students had a coloring page of a young Abe Lincoln staying in front of a log cabin. One of the boys colored Lincoln’s clothes to resemble camouflage. It was difficult to keep a straight face when I collected his paper.

       A Valentine’s Day memory; On the first Valentine’s Day after September 11, Bruce’s firehouse, Squad 41, sent me one dozen red roses. They actually send them to all 6 widows from their firehouse. It was an amazing gesture. I cried and also chuckled. You see those are the only roses I ever received on a Valentine’s Day. I always told Bruce “don’t buy me roses on Valentine’s Day.They are too expensive and we can’t afford it. Buy me flowers any day but Valentine’s Day.” And he did buy me flowers on other days and I am grateful 🙂

      Posted in daily life, memories, September 11, then & now | 0 Comments | Tagged little things, September 11
    • Tricky Days

      Posted at 7:13 pm by missannsays, on January 18, 2013

      Tricky days that is what my daughters and I call days that should be celebrated – holidays, birthdays, anniversaries but now there is an empty chair or no need to buy a Father’s Day or Birthday card. Today is a tricky day for my uncle and cousins. Today would have been my Auntie Jean’s birthday but she passed away in August.  I sent my uncle and cousins cards this week to acknowledge that I remember that today is Auntie Jean’s birthday. I wrote in the cards that I am thinking and praying for them because I am.

      We all have tricky days. Days that had at one point been for celebrating and for now are for grieving but eventually will be for remembering. Tricky days aren’t just tricky for the person that experienced the loss, they are tricky for their family and friends as well. Sometimes we think we need to say that “amazingly poignant thing” but maybe “I remember” or “I know” is enough. The people in Newtown, CT have many tricky days ahead of them.

      As I was pondering tricky days, I was reminded of when I had the opportunity to share my September 11 story with the “Faces of Hope”. The Faces of Hope were children who were born on September 11, 2001 – one (or twins) to represent each state. A book had been published with their photos in 2002. I met some of those children in early September 2011 right before their 10th birthday. (Actually part of my visit with them was on the Today Show. How weird was that!) I reminded them to not let the attacks of September 11 define them, to remember that they were a wonderful thing that happened on a bad day. I told them I was so glad to meet them because they were truly faces of hope. On sad side note, the little girl that was killed when Gabby Gifford was shot was actually one of the children that was featured in the Faces of Hope book. 😦

      I mention this idea of tricky days for a few of reasons. First we don’t always know if today is a tricky day for someone so let’s listen to each other. Second we can’t expect someone to know it is a tricky day for us unless we tell them so let’s talk to each other. Thirdly let’s just cut each other some slack because until I have walked in your shoes, I can’t know what you are going through but I can choose to walk beside you instead of over you.

      Posted in daily life, memories, respect in the real world, September 11, Uncategorized | 5 Comments | Tagged friendship, little things, respect, September 11
    • “A Concerned Grama in Oklahoma”

      Posted at 8:37 pm by missannsays, on October 16, 2012

      “Hello Ann, Please let me introduce myself. I am the daughter of Junita “Nita” W. from Oklahoma. I do believe you and your daughters became friends with my mom after your husband was killed on 9 -11….I found pictures and your name with address in mom’s things…When I saw your name and pictures I had a very strong feeling you may not know about my mom’s death… She was a very caring, loving lady of Godly character. I know she cared about you and your girls.”

      That is part of the note I received today.  After I shed a few tears and thanked God for His amazing ways, I went and pulled out the first note I received from “Nita” in Oklahoma.  It was a simple card with a watercolor type drawing on the front of a table and two chairs and printed on the inside it stated “thinking of you”.  There was also a mauve piece of writing paper with a hand – written note dated November 20, 2001.

      “Hello Ann, my name is Nita W. I live in Oklahoma, the tragedy of last month has touched me deeply, as it has most of America. I wanted so to be helpful in some way for those who were directly effected. I called the Nazarene headquarters in Kansas City, (I am a member of the Nazarene Church),and asked for the phone number of the Nazarene district office in New York where the tragedy happened…And Ann since then I’ve asked God to be with you and comfort you. I am so very sorry…”

      The note would go on to say that Nita would “like to do something special for me for the Christmas season, if that would be ok.” Nita would also ask if I had children so she could remember them also.  I would respond to Nita’s note and she would send a beautiful homemade Christmas tree and home-made ornaments.  The ornaments would include two small houses with a twenty-dollar bill tucked in each one. One for each of my daughters. My younger daughter’s twenty dollars in still in the little house. My older one spent her’s. 🙂  Each year as I display those items I am awed by the kindness of a stranger.

      But what made the note extraordinary was the way it was signed – A concerned Grama in Oklahoma, Nita W.  In further correspondences with Nita, she would tell me that she just knew she was supposed to sign her note that way.  She didn’t understand why but she just did it. She would understand why when I told her my grandparents were from Oklahoma. My grandparents had been dead for years but seeing that salutation was a gift.

      When I end my Tribute Center tours, I usually mention that I hope people don’t doubt that the little things they do make a difference.  That when they hear of something terrible happening in their neighborhood, town, state, country or around the world that doing something to help – sending a card, praying, donating makes a difference. And I tell them I know that is true because those things made a difference in my life after Sept 11. Nita made a difference in my life. “Well done good and faithful servant”

      Posted in faith, memories, September 11 | 0 Comments | Tagged following Jesus, little things, September 11
    • His plans for my days

      Posted at 9:46 pm by missannsays, on October 4, 2012

      On Tuesday, I had the opportunity to tell my September 11 story to a group of teens at the high school my daughters had attended. My plan for the morning had been to leave early, go to the post office and then drive the route I had driven so many times before.  Well when Tuesday morning rolled around, I realized I had time to go to the post office later in the day and just felt that if I went first thing I may be late for “school”.  So I left and drove the same route I had driven so many times before. I even made note of “what color was winning?”. When my girls were little and we would travel a similar route to their childcare center, I would ask them “what color is winning?” translation which color of leaves is the most prominent. I did make a detour through Starbucks for a Grande Chai Latte. I was glad Starbucks hadn’t been on the route to school when my daughters were in high school or we would have had to leave the house even earlier. Anyway on Tuesday  I would arrive at “school” early and I would sit in the car for a few minutes finishing my Chai Latte.

      I would decide to go into the office to visit the “office moms” as my younger daughter used to call the two wonderful women who manage the front office (and the school).  As I walked up to the front door of the school a woman was walking in carrying a gym bag. She held the door open for me and I followed her into the front office. I stood back as she explained to one of the “office moms”, Mrs P. that her daughter had called/texted her to say she had left her gym clothes at home. Mrs P said she would take care of getting the clothes to her daughter. And then Mrs P. looked at me and said “you two have something in common.” Later, Mrs P would tell me  that when she looked up from her desk and saw both of us standing there she couldn’t believe it and realized we needed to know we shared a connection.  So I told the “gym clothes mom” that my husband was one of the firefighters killed on September 11 and I asked her what her connection was. She told me her husband had  been killed on the 101 floor of Tower 1. We both expressed our condolences to each other and then I asked her if I could give her a hug. We hugged and continued talking. I asked how old her children are (15, 17) and we had an amazing conversation. I asked if she would like to have coffee sometime and gave her my “card”, we hugged again and she left. And that was a God moment because there is no way we should have both been in that office at that moment. I am very grateful for His plans for my days.

      Posted in daily life, faith, September 11 | 1 Comment | Tagged following Jesus, little things, September 11
    • a visit to the site

      Posted at 8:39 pm by missannsays, on September 27, 2012

      In September of 2001, it was called “the pile” by those who were part of the  rescue and recovery. When it was emptied in May of 2002 it would become “the pit.” Today it is called “the plaza”.  And  in September of 2001, when the firefighters from Squad 41 would ask me if I wanted to visit what had been the World Trade Center, they would say “do you want to go to the site?”  The WTC was 6 buildings on 16 acres with the seventh building across the street. It was a city within a city. When it was built there was more office space at the WTC than in the entire city of Detroit.  Hundreds of thousands of people worked, commuted and/ or visited the WTC on any given day. And after September 11, 2001 it is reduced to the simplest of terms – the pile, the pit, the plaza, the site.

      I had only been to the World Trade Center twice in my entire life before September 28, 2001. As a teen, I remember catching the PATH (Port Authority Trans Hudson) train there once. Actually missing the train because after a certain time the schedule changed and “we” didn’t realize that. This was years before cell phones so I would end up getting home later than my curfew. I remember telling my dad this long story about getting there too late for the train and having to wait an hour and on and on. My dad finally said “Well, this has to be true because you don’t have a good enough imagination to have made it up!” Wow thanks, dad!?! My second visit to the World Trade Center would be July 4, 1976. Bruce, his sister and her husband and I would go to the “top” of 2WTC. I remember the elevator traveling faster than I could believe. It was an incredible view but it was scary. I also remember than people had said you are crazy to travel into the city on July 4. It was the 200th birthday of our nation so there were tall ships, celebrations, etc. But we actually made great time getting into the city and the lines for the observation deck were not long. After our visit we would find a pier to stand on and watch the fireworks which were so far in the distance that there was no sound – my kind of fireworks. On July 4, 2011, I would relate that story and my September 11 story to young people from South Africa, Ireland, USA and Israel.  That opportunity would be one of the most profound experiences in my life.

      On Friday September 28 ,2001 we would journey into NYC to visit “the site”.  A firefighter from Squad 41 would come to my home to escort us. Squad 41 had left a FDNY 15 seat passenger van at my home in case I needed to go somewhere. In a lighter moment my daughters had joked that we could drive around and pick up their friends and head to the mall – not!!  Our group would be made up of my sister and her husband, my other sister, who had flown in from CA , myself and my 2 daughters. We would travel to the Brooklyn Naval Yard. It would be a long journey. Traffic was moving slow. There was military on the bridges. When we arrived at the Brooklyn Naval Yard we would board a boat. It was one of those cruise around the harbor party type boats.  I remember thinking that the boat looked sad. No blinking twinkle lights, no people in their fancy evening attire, no music or drinks. Our small group was joined by another family, Red Cross volunteers and a NYPD chaplain. My daughters would each be given teddy bears. And we were given bagged lunches with notes from school children inside. When we arrived at what I now know is the marina at the World Financial Center, we would disembark and walk over to Liberty and West Streets. There were many little sailboats in the marina that were covered with grey ash and pieces of paper. The National Guard was there and they took their hats off as we walked by. That was humbling. The Red Cross would give us little packs of tissues and a map so you could understand where you were standing and where the buildings had been. I remember commenting “wow, the Red Cross has tissues with their name and logo”. I think that was my mind trying to keep me from being overwhelmed. To be honest I would not understand anything about where I stood or where the buildings had been, until I started doing tours for the Tribute Center. Today I can retrace my steps of September 28 but on September 28 I was just following our FDNY escorts and keeping an eye on my daughters to make sure they were okay.

      The site looked like war. It was like a bad war movie. Old movies of World War II or photos from that same era were the only point of reference I had to make sense of it. What I had seen of the site on television was nothing compared to what it looked like.  It was total devastation and it was huge. It was very loud because the heavy equipment was there. There was smoke because the fires were still burning. There was a pregnant woman in our group and they gave her a paper mask to put on. I don’t know how long we stood there. My brain couldn’t process it. I kept looking at the map but it didn’t help. The NYPD chaplain would state that he was going to read the 23rd Psalm. And he did. And then he said he was going to recite the Lord’s Prayer and we were welcome to join him. After we recited the Lord’ Prayer, I realized that no one had said “Oh excuse me. I don’t know if we can say that here.” I realized that I had stood at the World Financial Center in NYC and the word of God had been spoken. And the Bible states “my word will not return void.” Thank you, thank you.

      Posted in faith, memories, September 11, then & now | 3 Comments | Tagged following Jesus, September 11, telling the next generation
    • Questions & answers

      Posted at 9:30 pm by missannsays, on September 20, 2012

      Since September 11, 2001, people have asked me when I knew Bruce was dead. I can’t tell you an exact day. At some point within the first week or so, I had a dream about Bruce in the towers. I dreamt he heard the sound of the floors collapsing above him and he tried even harder to get people out.  He whispered he loved his girls (that was what he called E, M and I) and then he was face to face with God.

      After Sept 18 meeting and the dream, I knew he was never coming home and it was time to begin planning his memorial service. I had told one of the other wives from Squad 41 that I would be the first wife to declare my husband dead and plan a service.  Of course there was the legal side of that – filing a missing person’s report and requesting a death certificate.  My sister would take care of contacting the powers that be. A NYPD detective would come to my home and leave the report. My sister and I would sit at my kitchen table and we would complete a missing person’s report.  Weight, height, tattoos… but there are questions you have never even thought of – attached or unattached ears???  That same detective would come back and pick up the report.

      We would also need to deal with the DNA request. Squad 41 had already given the medical examiner’s office Bruce’s comb, a t-shirt and toothbrush from the firehouse.  When we were at the “leave your DNA at the door meeting”, my sister had inquired about my daughters being able to go to a lab near our home to give DNA samples instead of in the  hotel ballroom. We had decided that we wouldn’t ask my 82-year-old mother in law to do this. My older daughter decided that she was going to be the DNA sample giver.

      There were 3 groups of people I had to know were okay with having a Memorial Service –  my daughters, my mother in law and the firefighters from Squad 41. My sister and I sat on the living room floor with my daughters and I would ask them “Where do you think Daddy is right now?” They both would respond “in heaven”. I would reply “Okay then it is time to have a Memorial Service.” “But what if you are wrong?” “I have no problem with your dad walking into his own memorial service but we need to plan one. And I don’t know how we are going to get through this, or birthdays, or Christmas but if a week ago someone would have said we would have to go through what we have already gone through we never would have believed them. And God has gotten us this far and He will get us through the rest.” I would have a telephone conversation with my sister-in-law and she would agree.  My mother in law had scheduled a meeting with her lawyer to change her power of attorney to her daughter so I knew she was thinking Bruce wasn’t coming home.  The firefighters were sure they would find Bruce and the other men. They spoke of voids. I told them I hoped they would find Bruce but we needed to have a service. After discussion with my family, close friends, pastor and the fire department, we decided on Saturday September 29. It was about 10 days away but that would give us time to plan and people to travel.

      At some point both of my daughters would come to me separately and ask me the same three questions. Can we still live in this house? Can we still go to EC? And what will happen when we get married?  Yes, we will live in this house. Yes, I will make sure you can stay at EC. And we don’t have to worry about when you get married because right now you are too young to get married and you don’t have a boyfriend.

       

       

       

       

      Posted in faith, memories, September 11 | 0 Comments | Tagged following Jesus, September 11
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